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... To just scream FUCK IT ALL and shove them in the local primary.

(393 Posts)
Mrsfullhouse Mon 25-Sep-17 14:09:37

Good god I'm exhausted. I have three beautiful DC's. DS1 in Reception, DS2 in nursery and DD in year 6. All at a lovely prep school. So far so good....

However, by the ripe old age of 10, my DD has managed to become a rather excellent singer a consummate LAMDA exam taker and very talented hockey player, so all of my time is spent running her around to fixtures/ training/ concerts/ practices/ performances/ exams... you get the picture. DH is at rugby on Saturdays, so it is invariably me that does all the running around because he's either working or too tired on a Sunday. I just seem to spend my life in the car. This excludes all of the actual travel to and from the lovely prep (bloody miles away). Extra travel for all of the lovely things that they do that nice mummies actually turn up to an clap politely as they watch little Horatio murder a violin in cold blood. Plus all the lovely coffee dates- oh and you know, the actual job that I do... that I barely have time for.

The thing is, her lovely prep has encouraged DD to pursue these avenues having 'discovered' her talents- along with a million other things that if she had gone to the local primary, I'm pretty sure I would have been too smugly lazy to even think about. That is no reflection on state school mummies- I know some super-tiger ones.... but I would probably been awful and not even let her join recorder club because- well, who the fuck wants to listen to the fucking recorder.

So this is my life now, and I barely have time to think, let alone spend time polishing my turd enough to look acceptable in public.

I love the lovely prep.... but I think about how ridiculous it is now, and in a few years time I will have three actively participating in all of this shit. No doubt they will stumble upon some glorious talent that DS1 has that will involve me traversing the country, burning £50 notes and chucking them out of the car window as I go.

So, would it be unreasonable to just shout FUCK IT ALL, pull them out, stick them in the lovely, but not as lovely as lovely prep, primary and spend my evenings and weekends drinking very very cold wine and talking to my chickens?

Anybody else just feel like, as much as they love their DC's and their wonderful talents, they wish that they'd just never fucking encouraged them in the first place?

Slartybartfast Mon 25-Sep-17 14:51:01

you are never going to get Light Hearted in AIBU
plus you have put people's backs up. as happens in aibu.

WizardOfToss Mon 25-Sep-17 14:51:17

I thought it was funny, OP, because I assumed it was tongue in cheek. I'm sorry you're sad.

AIBU isn't the place for sad though. Try another thread elsewhere?

GerdaLovesLili Mon 25-Sep-17 14:51:54


StormTreader Mon 25-Sep-17 14:52:09

"Should explain about DH- Works very long hours all week and volunteers his time on a Saturday to teach children with SEND rugby- he doesn't go to or play rugby, and is generally very very good."

Good for your DH for doing that. That has no bearing whatsoever though on the fact that he is getting 1 day out of every 7 to put his feet up, and you arent. The fact that he is helping out with other kids doesnt mean that everything else has to fall on you.

Autumnleaves7 Mon 25-Sep-17 14:52:34

so why do you and your DH both volunteer if you have 3 DC and both work? It sounds as though you just have too much on your plate - get out of volunteering, put your own family first, and set limits on their activities. No wonder you feel tired!

Bibbitybobbitybollocks Mon 25-Sep-17 14:52:34

Oh and I get you're not actually burning £50 notes, and I'm not taking it personally in the slightest as it's of no relevance to me what OP thinks of state schools, but light hearted rant aside I can't get over super tiger mummy. Please tell me people don't really talk like that confused

AtHomeDadGlos Mon 25-Sep-17 14:54:00

Bet all those posters having a pop at the OP's DH feel a bit twatish now they know he works with SEN kids on his Saturday and isn't down the pub having a pint with his rugby mates...

Why not encourage your children to specialise in one extra curricular activity rather than trying to be decent at many? Fewer car miles and cheaper too I should imagine.

krustykittens Mon 25-Sep-17 14:54:34

I am sorry about your grandmother, OP. It is lovely that your DH volunteers but it shouldn't be to the detriment of your own family life. If you think DD would be happier with more time spent with you, ask her. Find out how she feels about it all. My kids are quite busy as well but we have a family night once a week with a takeaway and a movie. I think you find competitive mums everywhere. Both of mine went to a state primary and it had its fair share of pushy parents. But you can't feel the competition if you don't compete! It will ease off the older they get - I found my kids wanted to do EVERYTHING at primary school and then whittled it down to what they really loved by the time they got to senior school. They just spend more time on what they love! Ignore the other parents, concentrate on your kids and talk to them if you are feeling like you need a break. When my grandmother died, my kids went out of their way to comfort me and so did my DH. He needs to realise you are struggling at the moment and he needs to step up.

multivac Mon 25-Sep-17 14:54:45

I get it, OP. You're knackered, and sad; I feel for you.

But seriously, go back to your OP and read it again. Then see if you can work out why you're generally getting mockery and anger, rather than sympathy and support. Here's a clue: you have no intention whatsoever of giving up the Lovely Prep School, and all the advantages that you perceive come with it, do you?

blackteasplease Mon 25-Sep-17 14:54:55

No one is unreasonable just to shout fuck it! From time to time though

blackteasplease Mon 25-Sep-17 14:54:58

No one is unreasonable just to shout fuck it! From time to time though

ElizabethDarcey Mon 25-Sep-17 14:55:29

YOU made this choice, not MIL. Don't pass the buck like that, that's so lame. It's not her 'insistence'. If she insisted they joined a satanic cult would you let them? You've allowed her to insist because you agree with her. You have chosen a school that is not close to your home.

My kids also go to 'lovely prep' (not that I ever describe it like that!) and the best bit is that all the activities get done inside school time. There really isn't any running around. Either your school is rubbish or you've misunderstood how involved you need to be. I personally feel that I'm a LAZIER parent due to the prep as I don't need to do any of the running around to music lessons, ballet etc, I mean Jesus we don't even do HOMEWORK ffs - they do that during 'prep' at school.

DiggyDiggyHole Mon 25-Sep-17 14:56:36

One volunteers to help those less fortunate. Except that giving baskets of provisions to the needy has been replaced by food banks that anyone can contribute to, so no one knows that the donors are Specially Good. So something else has to take its place.

ParsnipLeekAndLemonSoup Mon 25-Sep-17 14:57:10

I mean Jesus we don't even do HOMEWORK ffs - they do that during 'prep' at school

I thought that was just something which existed in Enid Blyton books!

RJnomore1 Mon 25-Sep-17 14:57:15

No I don't feel twattish. If he doesn't have enough energy to look after his own kids and help the op out he doesn't have enough energy to volunteer with other kids.

Doesn't matter what the activity is if he is using it as a get out of fsmily life. It's actually worse it's something which could be viewed as altruistic because it makes it even harder for the op to challenge him.

Beeziekn33ze Mon 25-Sep-17 14:57:31

If DD wants to continue with singing and LAMDA I'm sure you'll find appropriate classes or tutors. As she's talented at hockey she doubtless shine at other sports and athletics. Can you find her, for Y7, a good local secondary school? Or is there a naice public school she would enjoy?
As for your little boys, they'll probably fit perfectly well into whichever school you choose for them.
Best not to do too much shouting FUCK IT ALL and shoving however, you don't want to alienate the peasant mums at the state primary. They might find you a little weird and attention seeking.

bibliomania Mon 25-Sep-17 14:57:50

I'm sorry about your grandmother.

I can see the humorous tone you were aiming for, but in all honesty, it fell a bit flat. If you're going to talk about "shoving" the dcs in the state primary, which would ipso facto make you too "smugly lazy" to do activities with them, it's not great to, you know, actually say it to people whose dcs go to the the local state primary. Know your audience and all that. A lot of people have fewer resources than you do to do stuff with their dcs - did you expect gentle murmurs of condolence?

It might be worth thinking about why you are so desperate for the validation of the other parents at the prep school, not to mind on here. Why the external locus of approval? Why not do less with/for the dcs and enjoy it more? Dcs flourish when they're enjoyed as least as well as when they're pushed to achieve.

NameChangeFamousFolk Mon 25-Sep-17 14:57:50

Lovely prep. Lovely prep. Lovely prep. Lovely prep. Lovely prep. Lovely prep. Lovely prep. Lovely prep.

NooNooHead Mon 25-Sep-17 14:58:03

Boo hoo - all of our state educated children won’t do half as well as your darlings at their lovely prep...

My DD is slumming it at my ‘good’ ofsted rated local primary and is in the top four in her class, excelling at reading and maths and does a couple of extra curricular activities which she loves too. Maybe she should join your DC at their amazing school and see if she does any better... hmm

Wonderflonium Mon 25-Sep-17 14:59:00

This reminds me of the time I was taking my class (from the state secondary), to the local theme park at the end of the school year. I was in customer services and there was a lady in front of me in the queue so I heard everything she said.

She wanted to make a complaint. Her children went to private school. They had longer summer holidays. The theme park was rather busy with school trips, like mine. When they rang up and booked, no one mentioned that the park was going to be busy. Let alone busy with children from state schools. I think she wanted a refund. That or an apology.

SingingMySong Mon 25-Sep-17 14:59:07

No no OP, you've got it all backwards.

Surely the point of super lovely prep is that the little darlings can do all their extra-curricular gubbins there, leaving mummies free for long dog walks and lunches? It's us state primary mummies who have to sacrifice our evenings to schlepping children from drama to ballet to karate to swimming.

fizzandchips Mon 25-Sep-17 15:00:23

Your post made me laugh out loud. I think I'd like to drink wine with you if only I didn't have to drive my DC across counties for various activities.
I'm sorry about your lovely Granny. A time to reflect is no bad thing. I think I'd give a terms notice on all of the activities and give yourself a term off and spend more time with your DC drinking wine and chatting to the chickens. If you think Grannie would approve use her death and your chance to reflect as the reason why when your inevitably asked by some of the uber competitive mummies why you're DC aren't participating next term and no it won't be detrimental/hold them back.

Leavingonajet Mon 25-Sep-17 15:00:44

I am sorry you are feeling sad, rather overwhelmed and unsupported by your DH. I have to say that sending your DC to a state primary school will not make things any better, we did indeed start with recorders but quickly moved onto other instruments, there are extra art, dance, sport, athletic clubs and that is just at school and doesn't cover swimming, language and other extra classes. I have to limit the amount of extra classes my pair take and they attend a nice local village school nothing fancy as they would say. State school parents want the same things for their DC and work just as hard to support their DC in their interests.

AtHomeDadGlos Mon 25-Sep-17 15:00:47

RJ 'Get out of family life' - someone sounds very embittered...

category12 Mon 25-Sep-17 15:01:08

Stop with the volunteering on your day off and have a think about what you actually need to do, and what you can drop. Your dh should do the same review - of what time he's actually spending with his own dc and you.

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