Is my relationship really that strange with my family?(71 Posts)
I live in the same street as my parents. I'm really close to my mum and always have been. I am blessed that my husband gets on really well with my parents too and has always been happy for them to come around for a meal once a week, share holidays together and generally be a big part of our lives. They are amazing grandparents and my children love them dearly. Recently other people including family said that they think it is odd to be so involved in each other's lives. Does anyone else live like this or am I odd not to have a more distant relationship with my family?
We don't live in the same street, but about four minutes walk away. The relationship is pretty much the same but my mum drives me mental.
well they say you cant choose your family its luck really how well we will get on with our dp.
I got on with mine very well and had dm been alive would have gladly lived close to her and had a very close relationship indeed.
she was relaxed, easy going, non judgmental, friendly, funny and warm...her heart was in the right pace and she was FUN.
pils are the opp and dh wants as little to with them as possible, so I think your blessed and lucky and enjoy it for all its worth, more than gold. parents are people and who knows - I may or may not get on with my dc when they are older, I really really hope I do ....but thats life...and people and parents so no one else can possibly judge.
I don't think it's strange, but I'm really close to my family too. I speak to my mum everyday on the phone and see her whenever work allows, I see my dad most days and speak to my siblings most days. My child absolutely adores seeing her family and I think it's a great think for kids to grow up with a strong support system
My situation is pretty much the same as you OP. I don't care if other people think it's weird, I think it's wonderful. My mum is amazing.
It's absolutely lovely. Sorry to be morbid but life really is short and if people want to spend it with their family then why not? I love my family more than anything in the world. I speak very often to them and see them as much as possible. If we still lived in the same area then I'd see them most days.
I don't think it's strange. It's lovely when you have a family that you can be so close too imo.
I see my MIL 4/5 times a week. She takes various of the kids out several times a week. I think it's a huge blessing that we get on that well that she can pop in here or we pop in there and it's not intrusive. We can also easily say "not today" and no one takes offence or anything.
I guess if it works for you, then go for it.
But, personally, I couldn't think of anything worse than having mine or DH's parents that close and being that involved. We each speak to our parents once or twice a week and see them once or twice a year. That's perfectly fine for everyone.
I do wonder at adults who have this kind of close relationship with their families. I don't mean that offensively or that I judge, I genuinely just wonder what that's like because it's so far removed from my own life.
Thanks for everyone's comments. Good to know I'm not the only one. I think people think that by being close to my parents means I haven't grown up. I have lots of friends and an active social life and can't think of anyone I would feel more happy going on holiday with etc.
When I was growing up my Gran, one uncle and eventually a cousin, his wife and three children all lived in our street. We had a shared telephone line with my Nan, and another uncle's family lived 5 minutes away in the old "family house". There were also two shared family chalets down by the south coast which meant there were always family holidays You couldn't cough without someone finding out about it and there being a tedious family conference. It was too much and I wouldn't live in similar circumstances again. Now we're moving down to be closer to family, we're very conscious that a certain distance is a good thing.
My parents aren't living that close because they were worried that we would end up doing that and it would cause problems with DH!
However, I do see them at least every other week (we eat together, spend half a day together etc...)
Ive been on hols with them very often (and I really love that!)
I would be very happy for them to be even more present.
Not strange but lucky. I think it is rarer and rarer now as so many people live away from their home town.
This sounds so lovely! I wouldn't care what other people think or try to justify it in anyway..
It works for your family and everyone's happy , what's not to love about this situation!
If the family relationship allows you and your dh the freedom to take time for you both and you geninuely get on incredibly well, you are very lucky and blessed. I hope one day I will have a loving and caring adult relationship with my dd. I don't have it with my mother, brother and sil. Quite the opposite in fact.
I used to get on with my mother better. But that's because I only behaved in ways she deemed acceptable. And I hadn't yet committed the cardinal sin of moving away. If I loved her more, apparently I wouldn't have done that. She never said it directly but she made nasty comments about how she loved her mother too much to move away. And this is the point at which things really changed. When I embarked on a long journey to become me. A person in my own right, which I wasn't back then. My mother is a narcissist so she could never have both of her children being good all of the time.
Before my mum died we lived in the same street we basically flitted between our two houses. When she passed away I had to move house as it was really affecting me passing by everyday when someone else moved in.
I don't think it's odd that different people have different relationships with their families. I'd find it odd if everyone were to conduct their relationships in the same way across the country, not least the world.
Yabu to use the word 'blessed'.
Other people need to mind there own business.
I would find it odd to only see family once or twice a year unless they lived a very long way away. I see my Mum once a week but if I were not at work all week or they lived even nearer it would be more often. I see my local grown up daughter once a week usually but not the one who is 300 miles away. I would have thought that was pretty normal unless you actually did not like them. I does help if partners get on with them too though.
If everyone is happy, then that's good. Personally, I'd be happy to share a meal even more than once a week but would find joined holidays a bit much. I think it would also be crossing the line if parents or in-laws were involved in (or interfered with our life) ie parenting style, finances, house management etc.
Everyone is different. I'm very close to my family and some of my friends think it's mental. I don't think there's any standard to judge by - nothing is weird there's no right or wrong. If you're happy that's all that matters.
If it works for you, that's fine. Some people's lives don't allow for that level of closeness (demanding workload, moving a long distance to be with a partner) and some families are toxic and best kept at a distance.
I think this is quite common on council estates where houses are allocated on the basis of having someone you care for/ are cared for by living close by.
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