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To think this is the saddest thing I have had to write and to not want to it.

(80 Posts)
theduchessstill Mon 25-Sep-17 10:54:00

IWBveryUR nt to do it, but I really don't want to.

A colleague I work closely with has applied for another job. There are many organisational issues where we work and I don't blame her at all for wanting to leave. As well as working closely together she has supported me through some difficult times and the thought of her leaving just sucks. And to rub salt in the wound I now have to write her reference .

Obviously I am happy for her to have this chance, but to have to sit opposite her and type out why she is so great is not fun! I am in danger of making a total fool of myself here. Help me get a grip...

DO3271 Mon 25-Sep-17 10:57:51

Bless you for caring so much.

Deep breaths and remember you are doing a really nice thing that she has earnt. Sell her! List the good things and she will ever appreciate a lovely reference from you. I kept one that stayed with me from years ago. She's not dying lovely, she is just looking for another job and nothing stops you being friends.

CarolinePenvenen Mon 25-Sep-17 10:59:08

No help but I still cringe at the time I was called in to the head of another department to give a verbal reference for someone I line managed who had applied for a role in her office. I totally gushed and talked about him like he was the second coming blush. He was a gay man, 15 years younger then me so nothing in it but I thought he was fab. Now with the benefit of old age he was probably a bit of a knob blush and I want to hack my own head off when I think about how I enthused about him blush.

He got the job though and was good at it so hey, I did some good!

Benedikte2 Mon 25-Sep-17 11:14:45

That's awful for you OP. Guess it's a nice thing you can do for her but emphasises how much you'll miss her in the future. Maybe time for you to look for a better place to work?
Good luck

guilty100 Mon 25-Sep-17 11:15:15

I'm so sorry, I know how hard this can be! I think I'd be tempted to open the reference "I'm sad to have to write this, because X is not only a truly excellent and professional colleague, but simply a wonderful person to have in an organisation". Then, let the gushing begin. grin

Also, tell her you're feeling emotional because you are sad at her leaving, though happy that she will be happier in her new role. She'll be touched and you get to have a sniffle then.

DancesWithOtters Mon 25-Sep-17 11:22:31

To be honest if this is the saddest thing you have had ever to write then your life must be going pretty bloody well.

I was expecting this to be about an obituary or something!

AnnieAnoniMouse Mon 25-Sep-17 11:22:42

I'm sorry your colleague/friend is leaving your company.

But honestly, if that's the saddest thing you've ever had to write, you've lived a charmed life.

DancesWithOtters Mon 25-Sep-17 11:25:09

I think you should ask HQ to change your title to something less triggering.

Babyroobs Mon 25-Sep-17 11:28:57

It's always sad when a great colleague leaves but you can still stay friends.

IhaveapenIhavepineapple Mon 25-Sep-17 11:35:33

I think you should ask HQ to change your title to something less triggering.


unfortunateevents Mon 25-Sep-17 11:35:50

Oh dear, bit of exaggeration there? If she is your colleague, why are you responsible for writing her reference? Does your company still write subjective references like this, many companies now will only confirm basis facts such as start and leave dates and job title.

TwitterQueen1 Mon 25-Sep-17 11:39:03

Really? The saddest thing you've had to write?

Change your title OP. This is what's known as 'normal life'.

I can tell you some really sad things if that would make you feel better.

DancesWithOtters Mon 25-Sep-17 11:42:48

Hope you're doing ok TwitterQueen1 wine

KitKat1985 Mon 25-Sep-17 11:58:20

I can understand you being sad OP but I do think your title is a bit ridiculous. The saddest thing I ever had to write was the eulogy for my Dad's funeral. He had cancer and died young and knew he was never going to see my two very young daughters grow up (DD2 was only 5 months when he died).

As for your situation write the job reference, plan a good leaving party and continue to meet up with your friend out of work.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 25-Sep-17 12:00:19

Bloody hell OP. I agree that while it's sad she's moving on a bit of perspective might be healthy.

Your colleague's getting a better job. No one died did they.

NooNooHead1981 Mon 25-Sep-17 12:13:46

The saddest thing I've had to write is that my brother died and RIP DB.

While yours is sad in one sense, in others it isn't. I agree to get some perspective.

NooNooHead1981 Mon 25-Sep-17 12:15:24

Yes, and change your title to something less melodramatic. hmm

OldPony Mon 25-Sep-17 12:18:44

Yeah blimey, surely you can still meet her for lunch and stuff can't you?

dontbesillyhenry Mon 25-Sep-17 12:18:59

Bloody hell what a drama queen. The saddest thing I've ever had to write was a eulogy for my god daughter. A reference for a colleague? Ffs.

gillybeanz Mon 25-Sep-17 12:22:50

Can you not go with her?
I mean if the organisation you work in isn't so good, the next time something at the other place comes up, go for it.

paxillin Mon 25-Sep-17 12:24:23

I thought someone died and you have to write about it, too. Grip, quick.

theduchessstill Mon 25-Sep-17 12:26:26

I'm really sorry if I've upset anyone - I would never want to do that and I can see why it seems melodramatic. But triggering, really? I've said it's the saddest thing I've written, not that anyone could write. It is for me. I've had plenty of sad things happen to me - I've said in the OP that she has helped me through difficult times, and by that I mean personal events, not the times the stapler didn't work.

I have had worse things happen, don't worry, but I didn't have to write about them.

I have had a rotten couple of years and going to work with this person has made it bearable and now she won't be there so I'm very sad. I'm not in competition though, but I'm sorry if the title is ott.

HeteronormativeHaybales Mon 25-Sep-17 12:32:13

I agree the title was a bit badly worded and not thought through, but people, lay off the OP, please.

That said - OP, in the kindest possible way, you are taking this too much to heart. You're even making it a bit personal ('to rub salt in the wound'). I really hope you're not casting a shadow over her last days/weeks in the organisation.

StrawberryMummy90 Mon 25-Sep-17 12:32:43

OP, I think people may find it triggering as it implies what you are going to write in your post is the saddest thing ever.

I'll be honest my first thought before I opened was perhaps death of a child or something. It can be extremely triggering for someone who has suffered something like this who mentally prepares themselves to open up a post that could bring back hard memories and instead your talking about a work colleague leaving.

I understand you didn't mean it this way but I would ask HQ to change.

DistanceCall Mon 25-Sep-17 12:39:19

The OP may have exaggerated in her title, but I'm really, really fed up with this "triggering" stuff.

If you are so hurt or traumatised that you cannot face coming across the word "saddest" in an online forum, then perhaps you shouldn't be browsing the Internet.

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