Is my Partner being unreasonable?!

[Mittens92]

We both work. He works evenings (not night shift) during the week and I work weekends. At the weekends, he looks after our DS while I work. But every weekend, he always complains saying our DS is not napping so my DH cannot nap, and saying he just refuses to sleep (my DH loves his sleep as he is always tired - welcome to my world!) He asked me if I can he a SAHM and he can work full time. I said no because I like working! I have always worked and never imagined myself being at home, unemployed.

I prefer to work, earn money to save and pay our bills and to be engaging in a different environment with adults for a change. I feel that he doesn't want to take care of our DS anymore...! He makes me feel guilty every weekend about how tired he is but I am the one who wakes up at 5.30 every morning with him, plus at the weekends to go to work and he gets to lay in 90% of the time, plus he sleeps again every single day just before he goes to work except for weekends as my DS obviously does not nap!

AIBU for actually wanting to work? I love our DS but I was also the one taking care of him 24/7 while I was on maternity and he hardly ever slept cos he had reflux and colic!

[silverbell64]

Why not both work full time and get childcare then?

[RonSwansonsMoustache]

Can't you both work full-time and get childcare?

[Mittens92]

We won't be able to afford childcare even if we work full time as it's too expensive :(

[silverbell64]

Is it? Childminders aren't expensive. I worked as a single parent and was charged a very reasonable rate, very affordable.

[Slartybartfast]

do you only work at the weekend op?

he is definatley being unreasonable

[Slartybartfast]

who works in the day time during the week?

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Of course YANBU.

You can help yourself by stopping with the he makes me feel guilty stuff. You do that to yourself. He doesn't do it.

He doesn't want to take care of his child. It is tiring. Yeah. You know that. He whinges. Ignore it.

You should not be feeling guilty. You should be feeling cross at his whining about perfectly normal parenting. You should feel cross that he wants you to chuck in your career so he can have a few more naps and ignore the children.

Have a word with yourself about the guilt. When you find yourself feeling sorry for him, pull yourself up on it, find your anger. How fucking dare he.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Childcare is about £5 an hour, and minimum wage is about £8 isn't it? That's less.

[RedSkyAtNight]

How much "off" time does DH get?

The way I'm reading your post

• you jointly look after the DC during weekday days
  
• DH works evenings, whilst you get a break when DC is in bed
  
• at weekends you work and DH does childcare
  

So the only break DH gets is weekend after DC is in bed?

Can't he get a weekday day time job?

[Quartz2208]

He is wanting to opt out of parenting

[CopperHandle]

How much time does your DP have to himself?

Sounds like you get every evening after your son is in bed, whereas he only gets weekend evenings?

[silverbell64]

2 people bringing home a full time wage would be fine with that cost surely? Anyway, this sounds like it's not working and DH wants to go full time during the day and maybe both of you need to rethink arrangements.

[Starlight2345]

Are you just working at the weekend?

surely if he works full time during the week.He would be able to get some rest early night.

On a side note is he really tired? Has he been to GP at all.

[Slartybartfast]

Shift working pattern is also quite tiring. ie, not the 9 to 5

[MrsTerryPratchett]

@RedSkyAtNight "plus he sleeps again every single day just before he goes to work" So, no, he doesn't share care during the week.

[RedSkyAtNight]

He doesn't sleep all day though does he? (unless OP is not saying something). I don't expect OP spends all day glued to her child either.

The needing to sleep says to me that he is tired.

[Willow2017]

Op is up at 5.30 every day.
He sleeps in.
He has a nap before work every day.
Op is also up at 5.30 at weekends then goes to work.

And He is tired?

[Willow2017]

Really not sharing much childcare through the week is he?

[BackieJerkhart]

Why do you both need to be home every day during the week? Couldn't one do you work a mon- fri 9-5 job?

[Lulalu]

Does he only work weekday evenings then? What does he do in the day?
It doesn't sounds as if either of you are particularly rushed off your feet tbh. You both work part-time and have one child only? Or am I missing something?

[Ameliablue]

I don't think either of you are unreasonable but it does sound as if the set up isn't working for him and possibly not you either so maybe together you can look at what other options there are and also look at the long term. You don't say how old your child is, but I'm assuming baby or toddler and as he grows, what you need to do in terms of care will change.

[imjessie]

Why doesn't he work in the day ?

[HaudYerWheeshtBawbag]

Why are you with the father who only wants to be Disney Dad?

[Ecureuil]

Who does most of the childcare during the week?

[MiniTheMinx]

Assuming that DP is at home all day throughout the week, and that DS sleeps in the evening, and DP does the weekend, he spends just as much, perhaps more time with the child.


Unless I have misread this, and please forgive me if I have, it seems that neither of you are stretched or over worked. If your DP wants to work full time during the week, let him, you can still work weekends and still have no childcare bill.