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DP swore at me

(80 Posts)
myusernameisnotmyusername Sun 24-Sep-17 16:30:42

So DP annoyed me last night snoring so badly I had to sleep on sofa. I took dd to soft play today to give us a bit of space. DP home by himself. He's done a bit of tidying and made lunches for me and him for the week. I grumbled a bit he hadn't done hoovering upstairs as I always seem to do it. Stupid quarrel really. But what's really bothered me is he shouted and told me to fuck off and piss off while dd in another room but in earshot. We've been together 15 years and are happy together but I don't how annoyed I should be about this.

Allthebestnamesareused Sun 24-Sep-17 16:34:45

If its the first time he has sworn at you in 15 years I think you've got off lightly.

FenceSitter01 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:36:49

I don't how annoyed I should be about this.

anywhere from divorce to water off a ducks back. Do you want a scale of pissed offyness?

BoysofMelody Sun 24-Sep-17 16:38:57

Seems pretty standard, we've both told beach other to piss/fuck off on multiple occasions.

maxthemartian Sun 24-Sep-17 16:39:38

I've been with DH ten years and never been sworn at, I don't consider that I've "got off lightly!". That's a bit of a low relationship bar.

OP I wouldn't be at all pleased but I predict you'll get a load of people saying it's your fault and calling you ungrateful.

myusernameisnotmyusername Sun 24-Sep-17 16:40:10

He's done it before. We both can be quite bad tempered but dd is getting older and I am worried she'll think it's normal. Or maybe it's good that she knows what a natural relationship is like. That's the problem I think. Every time my parents argued I worried they were going to split up as it seemed like everyone's parents did at school. I just hate him talking to me like that and thinking it's ok.

Idontevencareanymore Sun 24-Sep-17 16:40:30

16 years here and both of us have cursed the other multiple times.
No biggie, not divorce worthy anyway

Cambionome Sun 24-Sep-17 16:40:37

Really, allthebest? confused

I would be extremely disappointed and angry if my dp shouted at me to fuck off after a minor argument about hoovering, especially within earshot of the dc.

user1496231209 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:40:52

I must be a monster cause I've swore at my OH so many times hmm

silverbell64 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:41:52

I swear so for me it's not a big deal.

Cambionome Sun 24-Sep-17 16:42:47

It shows a total lack of respect and is obviously upsetting you. Talk to him about it and tell him how you feel.

MrsMHasIt Sun 24-Sep-17 16:43:52

Have you ever spoke to him this way?

myusernameisnotmyusername Sun 24-Sep-17 16:44:19

See this is why I posted to get a few differing opinions and perspective. I think I'll leave it with him for now and have a talk about how I don't like it in front of dd.

splendidisolation Sun 24-Sep-17 16:44:35

So because as you say yourself you were annoyed you were probably giving off passive aggressive vibes. You went out, he tidied and made both your lunches, and you come back home and have a go at him for not hoovering?

Chill out, its Sunday.

myusernameisnotmyusername Sun 24-Sep-17 16:44:53

Erm yes Mrs M but only about once while dd was there.

myusernameisnotmyusername Sun 24-Sep-17 16:46:31

It just feels like he gets to do the good jobs and I get landed with the bathroom and lugging the bloody Henry up and down the stairs! Although he did finally clean the fridge! I am not bothered about that it's the way he aggressively demanded I let him Hoover then swore at me. It's really confrontational.

jacks11 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:48:20

Frankly, I think both of you are being unreasonable. You should both apologise.

He shouldn't have sworn at you, so I would be a cross about that.

In his position, I would be annoyed that you needed to go out to get "some space" because he snored. It is annoying when snoring is so bad you can't sleep but it's not a deliberate choice your husband made, just to piss you off!

Unless there is a huge backstory coming, where your DP leaves you to do all the childcare 24/7 and all the housework, cooking etc, then I think you were probably unreasonable regarding the hoovering- he had done some tidying and made lunches for you both, so hadn't done nothing. Perhaps he could have done more, but why not just ask him if you want him to do it? I can't stand moaning/grumbling - if I'm asked to do something like and it's reasonable I'll more than likely do it. If you "grumble" at me for not hoovering, especially after I've spent time making lunches etc, I'd probably ignore you or tell you do it yourself.

Pengggwn Sun 24-Sep-17 16:49:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gorgosparta Sun 24-Sep-17 16:50:59

So you both have tempers.

So why not let things calm down. After this is sorted have a chat about how you feel about dd growing up around 2 people thay argue aggressively.

Come up with a plan together. Which will probably include both taking a breather when getting pissed off which eachother.

Tbh if dh moanrd at me for not hoovering, when i ahd been tidying and doing HIS and my lunch for the week, i would have probably told him to piss off too.

sharksDen Sun 24-Sep-17 16:51:10

You were unreasonable about the complaining.

The swearing? DH and I tell each other to fuck off etc regularly frequently. Coming up to 40 years married.

Rarely, our children have overheard.

It depends on exactly how it was said more than the actual words.

I think that overall, you need to lighten up a bit.

glow1984 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:52:03

I told DP to fuck off the other day. We had a little chat and I apologised, but he said that I was right, he was being a bit of a dick

In the past, he’s sworn at me. I was annoyed but then we talked about it later.

Basically, just talk and try to get over it. It could be so much worse than a swear word

Trb17 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:54:01

DH and I swear while chatting but would never tell each other to fuck off. That’s a line we don’t cross. However every relationship has its own boundaries.

However, if he told me to fuck off in front of our daughter, I’m not sure I could ever forgive that level of nastiness and thoughtlessness. Plus I’d never want her seeing me being treated that way.

Oly5 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:54:33

I don't think there's anything wrong with swearing.
Seems like he did a fair amount while you were out and all you dos was moan at him.
And pah.... Partners snore.

kaitlinktm Sun 24-Sep-17 16:59:34

Would he be OK with his DD having a partner who swore at her because of an argument about hoovering? If he would, then I don't see him stopping. If he wouldn't, then it's up to him (and you) to model the right sort of behaviour.

myusernameisnotmyusername Sun 24-Sep-17 16:59:59

We just said sorry to each other while she was there and said we shouldn't talk like that etc. She was fine. But I am going to speak to him about the swearing because I don't think she should be hearing it anyway and it was really childish and thoughtless of him. Yes I know I shouldn't be so uptight about cleaning and I offered to do it in the end so he could do stuff with dd anyway but he was already pissed off by then. I think we need to learn to contain it when she isn't there. And he snored because he'd drunk lager the night before so he knew full well he should've been the one on the sofa. I could hear him even through the earplugs! But I do appreciate the fact we share the housework. It's just he has a blase approach to hoovering and jobs like that whereas I like it done and over with. God you'd think after 15 years have this sussed!

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