Advanced search

"If you didn't hold her so much then she wouldn't cry so much"

(89 Posts)
Dancingfairy Sun 24-Sep-17 16:29:36

I have a 4 month old, it's tough I have to be honest. She cries constantly unless being held which is difficult as I have other kids I struggle to keep the house clean and even go out. According to a family member if I didn't hold her so much she wouldn't cry so much but my son was never like this, he was a content happy baby. Aibu in thinking this isn't true? Or is it?

oldlaundbooth Sun 24-Sep-17 16:30:44

Total bollocks.

She'll grow out of it. DD was the same, she's more self secure now and doesn't need holding 24/7.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Sun 24-Sep-17 16:32:19

Avoid the family member until they learn to talk less wank.

peaceloveandbiscuits Sun 24-Sep-17 16:34:11

What a load of rubbish. Hold your baby as much or as little as she needs. At the same time, don't feel bad if you do need to put her down and let her shout for five or ten minutes. My second DS is about the same age and has had to sit and wait while I (eg) finish making his older brother's lunch.

FenceSitter01 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:35:37

Self soothing. I'd be putting her down and cracking on with my day. I simply couldn't be carting a baby round all day.

silverbell64 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:36:36

Im going to go against the grain here and say that she does need to learn to self sooth and not be cuddled all the time, for your own sake.

sharksDen Sun 24-Sep-17 16:36:57

I think it might be true.

As peace said, don't feel bad if you need to put her down for a little bit.

I suspect you'll notice that if you gradually increase the time they're down, they'll be happy by themselves as opposed to needing to be held all the time.

I guess a variation of CIO; unfashionable but works IME.

Anatidae Sun 24-Sep-17 16:36:59

Utter bollocks. It's a baby, not a Machiavellian genius hell bent on manipulating you.

Keep cuddling

QuackingHell Sun 24-Sep-17 16:37:48

Tell the family member to piss off. I have a 4 month old too. She cries unless she's being held. She's my second but my first was exactly the same. He's grown out of it and I've never met a more independent little boy. People just like to know best. I ignore advice that makes me feel crap

QuackingHell Sun 24-Sep-17 16:38:44

What Anatidae said!!!

Balfe Sun 24-Sep-17 16:39:58

DD cried whether she was being held or not so eventually I had to put her down to get some respite.

If she's quiet when she's held, have you looked into a sling? DD hated them (she really was the most miserable baby) but other babies seem to love them.

Cornettoninja Sun 24-Sep-17 16:43:17

Complete bollocks. My dd is the definition of Velcro baby (not so much a baby now but I won't depress you with an age wink) and I look back on her first year/my maternity leave and really regret battling it. 1. Because it didn't work 2. Because I just feel immensely guilty.

I remember finding out my limit of hearing her howl and impotently shushing and patting is two hours. I really tried to follow all the 'advice' and just ended up feeling a bloody failure because it didn't work and we were both just upset and stressed.

There are times your baby will have to just cry so pick your battles. To a point it's best just to accept it at the times you can.

Have you tried a sling? I got a wrap one that dd finally accepted round about this age (didn't get on with a pram till she could sit unsupported so not much older than yours but would just howl if I was within sight but not holding her) and it was nice to have my arms back for a bit. I still found a lot of things impossible to do but it definitely makes you freer

Hunkle Sun 24-Sep-17 16:45:04

Koala baby. She wants to be near you. Get a sling & ride it out.

RaisinSmuggler Sun 24-Sep-17 16:45:14

Hold her! You'll probably find once she is mobile she won't want you hold her as much. It's just a moment in time. It will pass

Viviennemary Sun 24-Sep-17 16:45:39

My DD was like this. I let her cry sometimes after I'd tried everything. I don't really agree with Velcro babies. But it's up to the individual parent and whatever suits.

mumofone234 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:47:37

As everyone else has said, that's crazy. At about four months, my DS started letting me put him down a little more - so maybe things will improve for you soon. I started out putting him down just for five minutes or less, and then gradually he started getting used to it. But I don't think you're doing anything wrong at all.

RoganJosh Sun 24-Sep-17 16:47:39

It might be true. If you leave her to cry she'll learn that there's no point in crying because no one comes to her.
I felt that wasn't where I wanted my children to be.

catkind Sun 24-Sep-17 16:49:04

Sling sling sling! DC were both velcro babies. By the time DD came along she lived in Moby wrap sling on one parent or other, she was super contented and would nap for hours. With DS we only had a baby Bjorn style carrier and it had nothing like the same effect.

ellesbellesxxx Sun 24-Sep-17 16:50:17

I have very cuddly twins.. also four months old. It's obviously v tricky to cuddle them both at the same time so I often use a swingy chair or a vibrating chair for one or both if I need to do something while I chat to them. They are comforted and it means I can do the basics.. would that work for your little one? X

silverbell64 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:52:50

Do whatever suits you OP. If however you keep on cuddling on demand then you may struggle as you need to do your own thing and look after the others. Also if you and your partner want a break for a bit of time together, having someone else looking after your little girl will be a bit difficult.

Your baby isn't going to grow up thinking they haven't been loved enough you know.

glow1984 Sun 24-Sep-17 16:55:31

I think there may be a grain of truth in there. Like some PP have said, she needs to learn to self soothe at some time. And your arms /back might need a break once in a while smile

bridgetreilly Sun 24-Sep-17 17:00:56

When they're very tiny, of course you have to hold them as much as they need. In the few months, she'll be at the stage where she can start to learn to self-sooth, and then you'll find you can leave her longer without picking her up. But all babies are different and you'll be the one who knows best when that time comes.

ElphabaTheGreen Sun 24-Sep-17 17:05:50

Two Velcro babies here. Glad a PP 'didn't agree' with Velcro babies - I wasn't given a choice.

The first one I fought it and listened to ill informed dickheads people who told me he needed to learn to 'self-soothe' (a concept which I now now does not exist at four months old). I would put him down and leave him to cry and cry and never let up.

The second one was exactly the same and he was in a sling almost continuously from birth, so he almost never cried (unless put down).

They are now 5yo and 3yo. DS2 is by far the more confident and less clingy. DS1 is afraid of the dark and hates to be left alone. I wish I could go back and undo every second I left him to 'learn to self-soothe' at such a tiny age.

Carry your baby. You will never regret doing it. You will always regret leaving to cry.

Current research also backs up maintaining physical contact with small babies, as it means the more secure they are in their attachment with you, the more confident they will be to venture out later as they know you'll always be there to come back to. Don't have time to look for it now, but Google will turn something up if you investigate attachment theory.

DartmoorDoughnut Sun 24-Sep-17 17:05:56

Complete bollocks. They can't self soothe at this age and you can't spoil a baby.

Maybe she has silent reflux?

userlotsanumbers Sun 24-Sep-17 17:06:18

1) Buy a sling
2) Put her in it.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: