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To put the entire text history online

(65 Posts)
Katyjane12 Sun 24-Sep-17 12:26:01

Hi MN, I have had an insane two days. The guy I have been seeing on and off for two years has been lying to me the entire time. He has a girlfriend (of three years!) which I discovered yesterday by doing some cyber supersleuthing. I found her Facebook page and photos of them together - then her email address - they are both actors. I emailed her and asked if he was her girlfriend - she wrote back and said yes and asked who I was. I told her I had met him online two years ago - she thought i might have the wrong guy so I sent her screenshots of a couple of texts and one has a nude photo of him. She asked me to call her and I did - we spoke for 45 minutes - it was upsetting for the both of us but I was as honest as I could be. I sent her some more texts and said to contact if she needed anything else or to ask me anything. He since blocked me on whatsapp but I have 7 months of texts from him. He called this morning and I recorded the call - he said he would be honest with me if we would just have phone sex as he needed to get his head straight - no joke. I sent the recording of the call to her - it has him saying he doesn't want to be with her and wanking to climax. She has written back to me saying it's not him, that it's a bad accent. He's completely screwed with my head - I knew there was something very wrong but this is beyond. I don't know what to do - just leave them to it? I feel that he may be insane.

Rachie1973 Sun 24-Sep-17 12:27:18

Don't put it online. It just screams desperate.

Walk away and be glad you're shot of him.

QOD Sun 24-Sep-17 12:28:41

Pick up your pride and walk away

He’s a wanker —literally— and if he were to leave her, you’ll be her in 2 years

Namechangetempissue Sun 24-Sep-17 12:28:53

Just block them both, delete all numbers and move on. I don't understand why you are so set on sending more evidence? You have already spoken to his poor girlfriend -now leave her alone to make her own decisions about her future.

Katyjane12 Sun 24-Sep-17 12:29:02

For clarity - I was dating him casually when we first met and have had two relationships since meeting him. In between he and I have been 'back together' although not an actual couple - I thought this time things were going in that direction. He said he loved me but has wanted to take things slowly - that I had hurt him going out with other men (even though we were never a couple). He has lied and lied whenever I've asked him if he is dating anyone else.

Yukbuck Sun 24-Sep-17 12:29:54

What are you going to gain by posting it online? There's just no need.
I'm really sorry this has happened.. you must be heartbroken. But take the moral high ground and walk away. You've told his girlfriend so it's now up to her whether she stays with him or not.

Katyjane12 Sun 24-Sep-17 12:30:28

That is what i will do - today i am hurting and haven't slept and still feel very invested

Winteriscomingneedmorewood Sun 24-Sep-17 12:30:34

Walk away. . She will likely give him enough grief for the both of you. .

dantdmistedious Sun 24-Sep-17 12:31:06

Absolutely don't do that! Walk away.

AlpacasPackOwls Sun 24-Sep-17 12:31:21

Just walk away. I'm not sure what else you think you should do.

Katyjane12 Sun 24-Sep-17 12:31:22

Thank you yuk back - I am really upset - I thought I would feel better knowing the truth but I just feel ill

Katyjane12 Sun 24-Sep-17 12:32:02

She said he is very persuasive - he is denying it all

ArsenicNLace Sun 24-Sep-17 12:37:12

No just leave it and move on.

You've told her and she's made her choice.

He will continue to do what he does and she will waste her life continuing to be with him.

Just leave it otherwise you will be painted as a delusional bunny boiler. It wouldn't surprise me if they didn't involve the Police to warn you about 'harassment'. He will be keen to do that to strengthen his story that you're 'mad' and she will see it as proof positive he's telling the truth & you're not.

PennyDreadfull Sun 24-Sep-17 12:38:05

Why the hell did you have phone sex with him?!

BelindaBlinked Sun 24-Sep-17 12:39:09

You've done what you can, time to step back and leave them to it.

MrsJamesAspey Sun 24-Sep-17 12:39:47

As other have said walk away, you've told her and made her aware, it's not your duty to prove it to her.

I told a friend years ago that her bf was cheating, she told him what I'd said and stayed with him. 18 months later they split up and she found out he'd been cheating with loads of women throughout their relationship, and complained to me that no one had told her hmm

jaseyraex Sun 24-Sep-17 12:39:50

Definitely do not post it online. If there's a nude photo in there he can cry revenge porn and that's just not worth it! Block them both, delete all remnants of this guy and move on. You let the girl know what was going in, if she stays then that's her dumb choice. But you can let it go and find someone who actually wants to be with you and only you!

SendintheArdwolves Sun 24-Sep-17 12:42:05

Hang if you have an actual recording of him wanking to climax, then you went along with his phone sex suggestion this morning?

Don't do that again - you are basically doing the Pick-Me dance for someone who is too cheap to pay for a phone sex-line.

You have given the other woman all the info. She does believe you, deep down, but right now, it is too painful to accept, so she has chosen to act as if she believes his lies.

You have done all you can. You need to walk away, block all contact, never speak, text or email this man ever again.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 24-Sep-17 12:43:11

Leave 'em to it and walk away.
You've done the decent thing and alerted her to the situation - now it's up to her whether she wants to believe him or not. If she chooses to believe his lies, then that's down to her - but YOU don't have to accept his duplicity any more.

Walk away, head up, and find someone else who is a decent human, not this waste of skin. thanks

Creambun2 Sun 24-Sep-17 12:46:07

why did you have phone sex with him?

Anecdoche Sun 24-Sep-17 12:47:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrumpyMcGrumpFace Sun 24-Sep-17 12:47:57

you don't need this! Walk away, have nothing more to do with it.


BicyclesInBejing Sun 24-Sep-17 12:53:10

Only if you want to be in the Daily Mail.

Blueemeraldagain Sun 24-Sep-17 12:55:19

Pick up your pride and walk away

This. It is hard to see the big picture when you are inside it and hurting so much but you will be so glad you did in a few weeks time.

MehMehAndMeh Sun 24-Sep-17 13:01:15

Walk away. If she can deny the recording she would deny it was him if she walked in on the pair of you having sex.
He's an arsehole you can do without. Unfortunately she has been sucked into its black hole and only she can dig her way out of it. I suspect she has years of it wasn't him ahead of her.

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