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To feel like i don't want to return to work

(9 Posts)
Elliemummy786 Sun 24-Sep-17 04:15:01

Hi,

I am currently on mat leave. Originally DH was supposed to keep DD the two days i would have been working until his contract changed so we decided MIL would keep her instead, which she was more than happy to do. DD is now 4 months and in that time MIL has not been of any use. E.g she will literally run n hide when DD has a wet/dirty nappy, not once offered to feed her, does not respect her naptimes instead tries to force DD to stay awake, my inlaws idea of entertaining a four month old is sticking her infront of a telly so loud you can hear it out the front door, so i can see a couch potato in the making as most of them tend to do this. I just feel like they can't even look after her now when im right there, imagine if i am not around. I once left DD for one hour only to come back to find her top soaked as she dribbles alot, they didn't bother changing her into spare set of clothes. AIBU to feel like i don't want to leave DD there? I wouldn't be comfortable leaving her with strangers either, not this young anyway. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

NerrSnerr Sun 24-Sep-17 04:41:02

If you don't want to return to work and can afford not to then don't. If you do want to return to work can you use childminder or nursery?

NerrSnerr Sun 24-Sep-17 04:42:13

Sorry, I missed the leaving with strangers. I would visit childminders and nurseries. They won't be strangers for long.

Ttbb Sun 24-Sep-17 04:51:25

I wouldn't go to work in your position if I could avoid it.

sharksDen Sun 24-Sep-17 04:52:26

I think the options are fairly basic and straightforward.

1) you or your husband quit work

2) find a stranger childminder or nursery

3) speak to your MiL about what you'd like and if they're willing.

However, a few things seem a bit strange here;

If you're on maternity leave, why should someone else be changing your daughter's dirty nappies?

Children can't sit for long in front of a TV at 4 months. They topple over.

Do any children need changes of clothes every hour from dribbling? I don't think so.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Sun 24-Sep-17 05:05:21

Actually, I think this might be one of those occasions where your ILs don't like to "take over" your DD's care while you are present, so may appear to be doing nothing. My DPs were exactly the same with my DC1.

However, when left solely in their care, they looked after him very well indeed.

Could it be that they just don't want to tread on your toes? Or are conscious of doing something you consider "wrong"?

Does your DH feel he was well cared for as a child? If so, there's no need to assume they don't have the relevant skills to look after your DC too.

SweetCrustPastry Sun 24-Sep-17 05:12:10

Agree they might not want to tread on your toes if you are there, or going to be back in leas than an hour.

Will DH do any better at looking after DC?

SweetCrustPastry Sun 24-Sep-17 05:12:45

Sorry - meant would DH make a better job of it?

glow1984 Sun 24-Sep-17 05:20:01

When are you mean to be going back to work?

I think you might be overreacting a bit about leaving LO with strangers. My DS was 6 months old when he first started nursery, 3 days a week. He has never cried on drop offs and I think being at the nursery has really helped him development-wise. He is now just over a year old, going full time, and loves it. He pretty much ignores us once he gets into the room!

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