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WIBU? Husband or me...

(46 Posts)
VforVienetta Sat 23-Sep-17 23:34:30

So, we've put the house on the market, photos being done on Tuesday.
We have this weekend and school hours Monday to get the house smartened up enough to look appealing in photos.

DH did a mortgage appointment this morning, sorted out a storage unit and started moving stuff over this afternoon.

He was finding the kids quite wearing and went to the pub to meet a friend around 5:30 - I was totally fine with this (have been trying to encourage him to go out as he rarely does). He said he wouldn't be long.

He wasn't home in time for their dinner/bed, but texted at 7:30 saying he was staying for one more then home.
No DH still at 9:30 so I texted asking if he was still at the pub, he replies that he's just about to go get a takeaway.

Eldest DC (ASD) is getting under my feet trying to play Lego while I'm painting. I get cross with him.

He got home at 10:30, looking faux sheepish.

I'm pissed off that he disappeared for five hours when we have so much to do, knowing that after 3.5 pints he won't want to do anything useful but sleep.
I wanted him to be home at a reasonable time and help, either with DC1, kitchen, or painting, and didn't think in the circs I had to ask!

He then justified himself by saying that he's the breadwinner! FFS.
I used some completely unnecessary and disrespectful language, which wound him up massively, and he stropped off to bed.

So, who IBU? Bit of both I suspect...

LaurieFairyCake Sat 23-Sep-17 23:36:40


You said you were fine with it earlier. Clearly you meant fine with some arbitrary time you didn't communicate to anyone else hmm

Talk more

balsamicbarbara Sat 23-Sep-17 23:36:52

It sounds like it was a one off which makes it a world of difference from a regular pattern. You should probably let him off this once as he clearly had a good time but keep an eye on it for future.

Threenme Sat 23-Sep-17 23:39:28

I think 10.30 is reasonable if he went at 5.30. You did tell him to go you shouldn't have really you knew you had stuff to do.

CatsOclock Sat 23-Sep-17 23:40:25

I was almost on his side until 'the breadwinner'. (That was appalling!)

Sounds like he got 'the flavour'. If you watch Micky Flanagan, you might see the funny side of this. He needs to apologize for the breadwinner bs though.

VforVienetta Sat 23-Sep-17 23:44:12

Damn its me then!

I'm so hyped up over the house stuff I'm probably just being an irrational arsehole.

It was the breadwinner shit that really got my goat tho.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 Sat 23-Sep-17 23:45:52


It's a one off. He didn't need to come back sheepish at all, and you had absolutely no right to be so nasty to him.

Oh, and he didn't "strop off to bed"; he left a volatile situation. Nobody wants to be bitched at by their partner because they went out once in a blue moon.

You need to do some sincere apologising.

AnnieAnoniMouse Sat 23-Sep-17 23:55:31

Laurie. Did you miss this He said he wouldn't be long. Or the bit where they've got shit loads to do before Tuesday?!

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 24-Sep-17 00:00:36

V it's NOT you.

He said I wont be long - that's going for an hour or so, not all bloody night. You have shit loads to do before Tuesday.

Then spouting off about being the bread winner...WTAF? Does that give him the right to do as he pleases?! Wanker.

VforVienetta Sun 24-Sep-17 00:02:39

WhatToDo he most certainly did strop off, there was door slamming, shouting, and stomping off upstairs.
But yes, leaving the situation was also a wise move, as he was a bit pissed and I was pissed off.

He was only 10 mins away - he could easily have told his mate we had lots to do and been back by 8. But nope, apparently that's all my job, as he's the breadwinner...

EezerGoode Sun 24-Sep-17 00:03:28

Fuck no....don't you dare think your in the wrong op....he is.a swift half would of surficed,and home to do his share of domestics.

VforVienetta Sun 24-Sep-17 00:04:26

Any other time I wouldn't have minded at all - he's struggled to find friends round here and I'm pleased he's got someone to go to the pub with.
But for 5 hours, this weekend of all times?

EezerGoode Sun 24-Sep-17 00:05:08

Don't apologise either,develop yr inner bitch.she will have yr back when others dont.

VforVienetta Sun 24-Sep-17 00:10:11

I already apologised for the nasty name calling, I regretted that the second it left my mouth.
He didn't accept my apology, but fair enough, pissed and moody is not his most reasonable frame of mind.

If I'd kept schtum and been all breezy and "It's fine" with him when he got in, neither of us would have got upset.
I wish I'd just saved the discussion til the morning, when he wouldn't have been such a twat about it.
I just feel shitty.

Monkeychops13 Sun 24-Sep-17 00:14:41

You sound like me; our photos are tomorrow and I can definitely confirm I've been an irrational arsehole all day! He (my dh) has also been a bit of a dick too though ... (although hasn't been out as far too tired - FWIW he's cleared two small gardens, his garage and one bathroom, I've done the other 9 rooms, childcare and been out to get flowers and dinner) good luck with the move, will be worth it in the end!

EezerGoode Sun 24-Sep-17 00:17:07

Ah well, you can't turn the clock back.not even by a there's still tomorrow to get things done..make a list and tick it of as you go x on the other hand ,depending on how pissed off you could always leave the new home owners a small gift under the patio 😜

Monkeychops13 Sun 24-Sep-17 00:18:54

Missed posts while I was typing that, absolutely not condoning the breadwinner comment, just can empathise with you feeling stressed, today has been horrid here! (House looks bloomin lovely though!) X

VforVienetta Sun 24-Sep-17 00:19:28

Eezer grin

Fluffypinkpyjamas Sun 24-Sep-17 00:20:39

YWBU. You are not his mother.

have been trying to encourage him to go out as he rarely does

Well he did and you had a problem with it.

VforVienetta Sun 24-Sep-17 00:21:33

MonkeyChops fingers crossed for you too! Hope it's all worth the stress.

I'm very tightly wound at the mo, I should have stepped back when I felt my hackles rise, but no, I just went for it...

EezerGoode Sun 24-Sep-17 00:22:29

Well it's where mine is heading if he dosnt stop fucking snoring...if I don't get to sleep before him,I never will.i need peace and quite to drift off....sadly I made the mistake of watching re runs of dr foster ...and now he's asleep first.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 Sun 24-Sep-17 00:22:53

VforVienetta I think most people would behave similarly after being spoken to son nastily simply because they went out for longer than they said they would (when they never usually go out anyway).

But you've apologised now for your language. It's probably best to talk in the morning when things have calmed down.

EezerGoode Two wrongs don't make a right. If you're nasty to someone, they deserve an apology. Nobody deserves to be spoken to like shit.

VforVienetta Sun 24-Sep-17 00:24:35

TBH I'm glad I've been told IBU by so many. I have officially got off my high horse.
I still reckon I had a point, but concede I should have actually made it to him before he went out, rather than give him a rocket when he got back.

BackieJerkhart Sun 24-Sep-17 00:24:48

Am I the only person thinking nothing productive ever gets done after 5pm on a Saturday evening? I wouldn't have expected to be doing any painting or whatever at that time. Surprised you were expecting to. You've all day tomorrow and Monday. Chill. It will get done. But Saturday night isn't the time for it.

Argeles Sun 24-Sep-17 00:24:55

He was being very unreasonable, not you.

I'm sick to death of my DH constantly doing as he pleases, and spending longer and longer on his hobbies. He treats it like it's his God given right, and is always shirking his responsibilities. It makes me so incredibly angry and resentful, as I hardly get any free time to do anything. He does his hobby every fucking day!

My Dad was so similar when I was growing up, and I used to tell my Mum not to stand for it, and that I wouldn't put up with it when I was married - but here I am!

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