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To stop speaking to my friend?

(14 Posts)
onecrazycook Sat 23-Sep-17 17:54:12

One of my closest friends has been lying to me. She's gone on holiday with what I assumed was her mother but it's actually her ex boyfriend.

In the 3 years we've been friends he's cheated on her at least 6 times (that I know of). He left her earlier this year when she was recovering from a miscarriage following a second round of IVF and in doing so, emptied out the contents of their shared house and moved them into another he'd secretly rented. He was at this time also having an affair with my friends former bosses wife.

Now I discover she's gone on holiday with him and I'm absolutely raging. I'm not sure if she's stupid or desperate or what.

I've spent so many hours mopping up her tears and putting her back together, and whilst I don't expect her to repay that, I don't expect her to lie to me when I asked her outright last week if she was seeing anyone.

I really feel I should wash my hands of her now.

AIBU?

MrTrebus Sat 23-Sep-17 17:55:29

Don't wash your hands of her but take a step back from the friendship perhaps.

onecrazycook Sat 23-Sep-17 17:58:03

You know what? She missed my 40th birthday a few weeks ago and I didn't say anything because I put it down to her having a lot on her plate! Unreal

RainbowsAndCrystals Sat 23-Sep-17 18:08:43

I've been there. Friend with shit boyfriend, constantly cheating, just bring a general dick. I was there for six years mopping up tears and giving advice. Always for her to go running back.

In the end I distanced myself after she wasn't there to help me. I washed my hands of her.

Life is better now.

EdmundCleverClogs Sat 23-Sep-17 18:12:26

Step back. I have a friend like this, and eventually I just went low contact. I was so fed up of them constantly either choosing or going back to crap partners, then moaning about how awful their relationships were. I realised they loved living off the drama it all brought. We're still friends, I just never ask about their dating life. I have found it's an amazing load off my shoulders not engaging with it all. It may be tough at first, especially since they will try and edge it into conversation, but eventually they'll realise you're just not interested anymore. Her mistakes to make, not your problem to deal with.

Anecdoche Sat 23-Sep-17 18:15:47

sometimes you do just have to step back from people who continually make terrible choices.

let her get on with it. dont mop up next time. she is choosing this.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 23-Sep-17 18:17:39

I would step back, and distance myself, she is on a self destruct course.

onecrazycook Sat 23-Sep-17 22:30:57

Makes me so sad. He's an absolute vile twat. A Coke head, a dealer. Just scum. She's so nice, but she just can't keep away.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 24-Sep-17 14:24:55

I think she's under a spell, all you can say to to her is take a step back and let her hit rock bottom with him.

onecrazycook Sun 24-Sep-17 18:36:51

Aeroflotgirl you'd think him clearing out her house while she was at work would be rich bottom!

I'm just so fucking mad and upset because I asked her outright if she was seeing anyone new. And then joked (sort of) that I hoped she wasn't seeing anyone old either and she said no, too many slimes about!!

I only found out because her horrible ex bf posted on Instagram checked into the place she is on holiday, though I already had my suspicions. If she'd told the truth I'd have been annoyed but been more accepting. It's the lie I can't forgive

existentialmoment Sun 24-Sep-17 18:52:14

Now I discover she's gone on holiday with him and I'm absolutely raging. I'm not sure if she's stupid or desperate or what

Wow, how over invested are you? She can do as she pleases, she doesn't owe you anything.

tippz Sun 24-Sep-17 18:54:41

I agree that you seem extraordinarily angry and over invested, but it's easy to get this way when you have a whiny, moany friend who bends your ear all the time about their man.

Don't dump her, but give her a wide berth, and be unavailable the next few times she wants to see you.

FizzyGreenWater Sun 24-Sep-17 19:38:44

Step back.

I did, when I saw that she was prepared to put her children second to him.

There was nothing I could say in all good faith after that - because it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

expatinscotland Sun 24-Sep-17 19:46:41

I'd just stop contacting her. When she asks why, tell her she knows why and wish her the best of luck wasting her life with him.

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