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To not drive DSS.(13) to football training

(405 Posts)
Blankscreen Sat 23-Sep-17 10:00:01

DSS.stays with us every Friday night.

I just rearranged my working hours hours so that I can pick him up from the school bus.

Without discussing with me.dh has signed him up for football. The training for which is at 5:30 on a Friday.

I've said that not prepared to take him and he can walk down its less than a mile not at all remote and lots of children who live in our road walk to the venue which the local secondary school.

My reason for not taking him is that it is dinner time for ds7 and DD 4. DS does an after school club and is starving afterwards.

We get home about 4:30 and then I'll need to bundle them all out the door again to drop him off and tbh I can't be bothered.

I've deliberately not signed DS up for activities which aren't straight after school as it's a nightmare.

Dh keeps making comments about it. I said this morning that he's got a bloody cheek signing him up to something and expecting me to do all the running round.

Dh is at work and can't get back due to long commute etc.

I'm now doubting myself.


RainbowPastel Sat 23-Sep-17 10:03:28

I'm confused. You said you don't allow activities after school but your DS goes to about after school club.

If it's not raining he should be able to walk there. I would pick him up though if it finishes late.

becotide Sat 23-Sep-17 10:06:03

YANBU. Your DH should arrange his own working hours to transport his own son to the activity HE signed his own son up to. You aren't an employee to be instructed and managed.

Winteriscomingneedmorewood Sat 23-Sep-17 10:06:08

I think the op meant directly from school is OK but in and out of the house is a pita. . Totally agree. .
Dh needs to be available for the club.

JigglyTuff Sat 23-Sep-17 10:06:54

You didn't read her post properly Rainbow. She said 'I've deliberately not signed DS up for activities which aren't straight after school as it's a nightmare.

So immediately afterschool only means one pick up. Something that is at 5.30 means picking up from school bus and then going out again.

YANBU - he shouldn't be signing him up for anything without talking to you when he's expecting you to ferry him about! I'd be furious

Sparklingbrook Sat 23-Sep-17 10:07:12

Can the younger ones just eat a little bit later on a Friday?

AnInchWasPinched Sat 23-Sep-17 10:08:02

Does DSS want to go or is it just dad's idea? Does he know any of the children who would be walking? When will DSS eat? But yes, I do think YABU if he doesn't know anyone else going. Could you agree to take him for a month and then review? How would he get back, walk with the others?

converseandjeans Sat 23-Sep-17 10:08:03

I think you're being a bit mean. It sounds like having him is an inconvenience to you. It's good for him to do something active.

Blankscreen Sat 23-Sep-17 10:08:12

Yes dss club is at school. So I leave work at 3:30 pick DSS up at 4 drive to get ds at 4:20 get home at 4:30 to meet my mum with dd!

viques Sat 23-Sep-17 10:10:51

Sounds fair to me, he can easily walk to the venue (even if it's raining !!) but I think it would be kind to pick him up afterwards, though I can see that might be awkward with younger children getting ready for bed . maybe there is someone local who could drop him off afterwards, though that has its own issues, and might elicit its own thread.......

SandyDenny Sat 23-Sep-17 10:11:21

At 13 and less than a mile it's certainly not unreasonable to expect to walk at least some of the time but maybe you could do it occasionally

Lweji Sat 23-Sep-17 10:12:30

How long does it take him to walk?

Tell your oh to rearrange his working hours instead. It was his decision, he deals with it.

Lweji Sat 23-Sep-17 10:13:36

Could he cycle there or take a bus?

MsGameandWatching Sat 23-Sep-17 10:13:38

I would give him a lift, there and back. It's only once a week.

SandyDenny Sat 23-Sep-17 10:13:58

Viques - good idea about seeing if you could ask another parent to help out. Do you mean there might be issues with the OP not being able to share the driving? If I was going a mile to get my own child I wouldn't mind if the other parent wasn't able to do a turn, it not far enough to worry about imo

19lottie82 Sat 23-Sep-17 10:16:05

You sound a bit mean, sorry. It will take you less than 10 mins door to door. Sure, he can walk sometimes and Is it really such a hassle that you are point blank refusing?
What about in the winter when it's dark at that time?

RainbowPastel Sat 23-Sep-17 10:18:00

So you have made special arrangements for your DD to be picked up so your DS can do his club. Your DSS though is an inconvenience.

afromom Sat 23-Sep-17 10:18:16

He should definitely have asked you first before signing him up. I think I would be peeved he hadn't asked, but I would still do it for DSS. There may also be a commitment for weekend matches at that age too, which I would expect DH to do if you have little ones.

I always really feel for DSD that she isn't able to attend clubs like her friends due to being ferried around from house to house. We have tried to encourage her to join something near us at the weekend, but as she doesn't know anyone here she's not keen. We can't take her close to her mums in the week as it is an hours drive there and another hour back so anything outside of work hours would be too late and would mean a 2 hour drive each week at night. DP works random shifts and I travel regularly for work.

If we could find something close to us and it was a matter of a couple of minutes in the car each Friday I would do it, so long as your DH agreed to do the weekend matches. You may even find he chooses to walk in the lighter evenings or you could arrange a lift share with another parent. We do this for DS football it means each parent only has to do every other week.

AnInchWasPinched Sat 23-Sep-17 10:18:27

If in 4 years time, your DS wants to do football, will you refuse too? Because what you decide now will be remembered

JennyHolzersGhost Sat 23-Sep-17 10:20:21

A 13yo is perfectly capable of walking that distance on his own, even in the rain.

OverOn Sat 23-Sep-17 10:21:03

I'd be cross with DP for putting me in this situation. He has decided to sign up his DS for a club and now you have to manage the lifts without even being consulted?

Ask DP to talk to other parents about a lift share. If someone else can drop off DSS, your DP can collect them after the club (and he can make the effort to get home on time to do it).

Otherwise, at 13, your DSS can walk there, with a back-up of you giving lift if weather is very bad.

PaintingByNumbers Sat 23-Sep-17 10:21:28

A 13 year old can easily walk there, and your dh can pick him up
Of course, the real issue is your dh assuming you would do it, dss or ds, its rude to sign someone else up to a commitment without their agreement

Sparklingbrook Sat 23-Sep-17 10:22:50

What time does the training finish? Could DH pick him up?

IWouldLikeToKnow Sat 23-Sep-17 10:23:25

Maybe I'm a bit soft but I would bring him. One day a week of changing dinner time isn't the end of the world. If it was another woman with your son how would you feel if she wouldn't take him to training? It's not DSS's fault his parents aren't together.

hellsbells99 Sat 23-Sep-17 10:25:41

I would agree to take him the first couple of times. It is hard to go somewhere new on your own. Then if he enjoys it, cycling could be an option

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