To assume he's gay

[Itsgettingbetter]

Thought I would ask on here as no one appropriate to ask this to in RL.

Have met a beautiful guy at uni. Gorgeously geeky. I rarely meet guys I truly lust after and to top it off, he is smiley, kind and gives good conversation.

In the two times we've had class together (yep, I'm keen) he wore fabulous pairs of polka dot patterned trousers in extremely well coordinated outfits. Not to stereotype, but you don't see that everyday. He also seemed to connect with the women in the class more (again not generalise), chatting during breaks. On the first day, he sat next to me and kept looking at me and smiling when the tutor instructed us to work in pairs. We chatted lots and had lunch together. Today I a friend attended and we were busy catching up so I didn't have as much time but he lit up when he saw me, kissed me on both cheeks saying 'I was thinking of you, I hoped you'd be here.' During the day he came over to chat when I wasn't speaking to others.

I had to leave early today and emailed this evening to ask if he'd like to meet for coffee as we won't have the class again for a while. He replied saying 'it was an excellent idea' and suggested dates for next week.

Have absolutely no idea if he 'likes' me or is merely being pleasantly friendly but I really want to find out if he's single and dates women. He's a newly arrived student and I imagine that if he is single he'll get 'snapped up' pretty quickly. I was planning to ask casually if he has a partner. Oh, and he is an artist so that could explain the trousers and colour coordination

[ADayGivingMeHope]

You could ask him?

[TheNaze73]

Not all eccentric or well groomed men are gay.

Just ask him

[FenceSitter01]

ADayGivingMeHope I'd have to say if anyone randomly asked me my sexual preferences when I'd only just met them, I doubt I 'd speak to them again.

Op - would you like to go for coffee and do the general chit chat that you would have with anyone about home towns, friends, interests and significant people .

[QuiteLikely5]

It's early days just hang on in there I'm sure the truth will out eventually

I think it would be crass to ask outright

[TheNext]

1. General chit chat
   
2. General chit chat about partners
   
3. Have you got a partner
   

Should let you know whether he's interested. It doesn't matter if he's gay: he may be straight and not interested, so the gay/straight thing isn't critical here.

[Sayyouwill]

Some light flirting, chatting over coffee, slip in the question about does he have a special person in his life, if he says no say that you're interested in him. If he says that he is gay then you can assume he is gay. If he just says no thanks... at least you tried!

[FenceSitter01]

Forgot to ask Op, for context, are you a man?

[Itsgettingbetter]

I know Haze but polka dot patterned trousers

Wasn't planning to ask if he was gay, just asking in a roundabout way if he has a partner and seeing what that brings to light

[BigFatGoalie]

Facebook stalk...

[Itsgettingbetter]

I'm a woman Fence

Thanks Next I was going to ask something like that

Thanks sayyouwill

[Itsgettingbetter]

Haha tried that already Big I don't think he's on there

[iklboo]

There's an immaculately groomed, gorgeous, lovely natured bloke at work. As in makes me blush and get tongue tied gorgeous. He's not gay.

[bridgetreilly]

I am going to need photos of the polka dot trousers before I can possibly comment.

[bridgetreilly]

But also, don't assume anything.

[iklboo]

Are we talking Mr Tumble polka dot though?

[MiddleClassProblem]

😂 Mr Tumble

[Itsgettingbetter]

Fine dots iklboo, not garish. Elegant, discreet ones

[Itsgettingbetter]

Haha, could you imagine?

[BoysofMelody]

I know Haze but polka dot patterned trousers

Worn by two types of men, gay men and big fat party animals.

But joking aside, if he's gay or not is neither here nor there, he may be straight and single and not be interested in you or anyone on the course. He could just be a heterosexual man who enjoys the company of women.

I would fall into that category.

I'm not particularly stereotypically masculine and don't like the company of all male groups and have plenty of female friends. I probably wouldn't do the kissing on both cheeks malarkey , but probably because I'm not that tactile.

Go out for coffee with him. If you enjoy his company but he doesn't express any romantic inclinations or reveals in the course of your chat he's attached or gay or not interested in a relationship .... great you've met a new friend with good trousers.

[flutterby12]

Let us know how you get on 😊

[PacificDogwod]

YABU to assume anything about anybody.

While stereotypes are there for a reason, there is really no way of knowing whether they apply to an individual.

He sounds interesting and nice. Keep talking to him and surely in the fullness of time all will be revealed.

[MiddleClassProblem]

YABU to assume anything about anybody.

Couldn't agree more

[Allthebestnamesareused]

Lol my non gay teen son and all his mates wear striped, spotty, checked and floral trousers - it is the current trend!

You can ask but I wouldn't assume on the basis of his trousers alone!

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

When I was at university I met a man that I assumed was gay. I have been married to him for 26 years, so I may have been mistaken back then.