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AIBU?

To say it is not rare for women to have it all

185 replies

Sienna333 · 21/09/2017 20:46

I know quite a few women who are beautiful, in high paying jobs, married with DC'S and living in nice houses. Why then do some people say this is unusual and rare?

OP posts:
AfunaMbatata · 21/09/2017 20:47

I know not one woman like that.

Dolly80 · 21/09/2017 20:49

Neither do I Afuna

ThymeLord · 21/09/2017 20:50

I don't know anyone like that.

TheMasterNotMargarita · 21/09/2017 20:50

That is not having it all.

splendide · 21/09/2017 20:51

I have 4 of those, I know lots with all of them. I work with plenty of women like that.

RunningOutOfCharge · 21/09/2017 20:51

No one agree .... that's not having it all

VeryCunningStunt · 21/09/2017 20:53

Why then do some people say this is unusual and rare?

Presumably because they do not know, nor have they ever encountered, anyone in such circumstances.

Pretty obvious, surely? Or do you thinking people are lying just to be obtuse and they actually know loads of people like the people you know?

Having said that, 90% of AIBU can be boiled down to 'why doesn't everyone have the exact same frame of reference as me?', your post being a prime example.

CuriousMommy · 21/09/2017 20:54

It's about money at the end of the day. Higher income families tend to "have it all".

sparechange · 21/09/2017 20:54

I think it depends a bit on where you live and the circles you move in

If you have a high flying career, you are probably more likely to know others in the same position than if you live in a deprived area

Probably also depends on how high you set the bar for having it all, as well...

Sienna333 · 21/09/2017 20:54

I know 2 like that, close to their families and rich as well.

OP posts:
TheSnowFairy · 21/09/2017 20:54

How shallow.

There is so much more that is important.

redsquirrel2 · 21/09/2017 20:55

I am all that and more Grin not really! That's not really having it all though. Having it all is being really successful in your career whilst also being a fantastic parent, and I think that is not as likely - if you're working long hours to be successful you're probably not really seeing that much of your kids.

Teabagtits · 21/09/2017 20:56

You're assuming having it all involves the things you've listed above. Beauty is subjective and one person's beautiful is another's minger. A high paid job doesn't necessarily bring happiness or job satisfaction and living in a nice house isn't necessary a life goal of everyone (I'm not particularly materialistic so a nice house isn't that important to me - a safe and clean one is). I'm not married does that mean I can't have it all?

Having it all is also subjective. What I want in life isn't a high paid job, husband and nice house. I'd like good Health and happiness, then I'd feel I had it all.

welshweasel · 21/09/2017 20:56

Beauty is subjective but I have all the others, as do the majority of my friends. I have a good life. The downside is that during the week I see very little of the kids.
You really can't have it all. I wouldn't change my situation for the world as I love my job but I feel a huge amount of guilt.

CycleHire · 21/09/2017 20:56

Beautiful: not really, pretty average looking
High paying job: higher than national average but feels pretty average in London
Married with DCs: yep, got these!
Living in a nice house: well it's an expensive house (see London above) and it has potential so I'll count it

Do I 'have it all'? I'm lucky I know that. But I'm not living the glossy magazine lifestyle I'd associate with the phrase she types from the sofa in her dressing gown while her husband eats toast in the other room

Crumbs1 · 21/09/2017 20:57

Of course there's people who others perceive as 'having it all' but then we can mostly see the next couple of rungs up the wealth ladder and think we have very little by comparison when the reality is nobody has the perfect life and few people have nothing at all. It's a spectrum.

Genericusername9 · 21/09/2017 20:57

They might "have it all" from the outside, but money doesn't buy happiness.

SardinesAreSwimming · 21/09/2017 21:00

That's not 'having it all' to me.

At some level there's always a choice (or a forced situation) about where and how you spend your time.

HattiesBackpack · 21/09/2017 21:00

But it all depends on your point of reference doesn't it-
I consider that I very much have it all, I have 2 amazing DCs, an awesome DH, live in a 3 bed semi, have a part time job in a school, I'm pushing 40, and can just about be bothered to run a comb through my hair, and I couldn't be happier. If you asked me what I was lacking in my life the answer would be 'nothing'.

SardinesAreSwimming · 21/09/2017 21:02

Having dc but spending all your time away from them in your high flying job isn't many people's idea of having it all.

HattiesBackpack · 21/09/2017 21:02

Ah see I've cross posted with lots of others!

Ttbb · 21/09/2017 21:03

I think that may be the bare minimum version of having it all. Then there are things like having good sex, actually spending time with your children, finding your career fulfilling, being healthy, having a social life, having hobbies and accomplishments, an interesting past. Most people tend to sway towards the more full on definition of 'it all' so that is why people so often say that it is impossible.

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Frokni · 21/09/2017 21:03

Hi OP those things you listed are still not "all". The intricacies of all those relationships and superficial things are by no means having it all.

No woman has it all, they are just perceived to have it all. In theory, I "have it all"- nice house, great partner, kids... I am going insane through lack of job, I lost my job in Jan and haven't found anything since, just in time for second baby who is due in 4 weeks. My mum who lives with us and is wonderful has Leukaemia, my MIL has terrible MS and money has been so tight at times we have really struggled. I am very blessed but I do not have it all because all is not everything to me.

I am happy and blessed, try not to compare and worry about others as everyone is different.

treaclesoda · 21/09/2017 21:04

I don't know any women like that either.

ThisIsntMyUsualName · 21/09/2017 21:04

I have all that. I'm even pretty hot. I'm also miserable as sin as my husband is a cheating prick and if I leave him I will also have to leave my home and career.

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