School calling my Ds4 a liar

[FrechieDoggymummy]

I'll try to keep it short, I just want other opinions on whether this is the norm is primary schools.
So my ds4 started school two weeks ago, all is great. On Tuesday he was poorly all day with stomach ache, he was getting really upset with it so I kept him off and phoned the school to say he had an upset tummy (probably not the most accurate description I know). It turned out he was just constipated, and after finally going to the toilet he was fine so I sent him into school the next day as usual.

School phoned me at 9am to ask why he was in school as sickness requires a 48 hour exclusion period. I explained that he wasn't sick and what had happened, she then told me to wait and put me on hold for 5 minutes, came back and said OK as long as he definitely hasn't been sick, which was fine.

I pick ds up from school and he is upset as the office lady told him that he was lying. When I'd asked him what he meant he told me that she'd gone to his classroom and asked him if he was sick yesterday, he said no. She then said to him that his mummy was on the phone and I said he had been sick so was he lying! He obviously maintained the fact that he hadn't been sick which is when she will habe returned to the office to my phone call. He saod he had to put his coat on to go home but then they let him stay.

I'm really mad that they would go into his class and question him like that, especially as I'm his mother and I was on the phone telling them what happened! I totally understand the need to keep illness limited within a school but surely this is ridiculous?!

So is it unreasonable of me to complain to the head about this or is it just one of those things?

P.s sorry long post, I haven't posted beffort and wanted all the info there!

[Allthebestnamesareused]

As far as the teacher was concerned she had been told he was off for D&V which would require 48 hours off. Next time tell the truth.

They were checking whether he should be with the other kids using the info you had provided them. They were a bit heavy handed in how they approached him. Maybe they didn't call him a liar? Maybe they asked whether that was the truth? Maybe we'll never know.

Next time just tell the truth about the issue and then it wouldn't arise?

Is he worried about going to the loo at school? My DS used to be and would "hold" it for home instead and ended up with really bad constipation. A little shard of soap as a suppository gets things going.

[WallisFrizz]

I can see why you'd feel offended as you and your dc were telling the truth but that sounds like a school that has been burned before with parents minimising children's sickness to avoid the 48hr rule. I can see why they may want to check.

[abbsisspartacus]

He was sick just not "sick" sick next time say ill

[Hullygully]

That was outrageous. Of course it was.

[Hullygully]

Everyone says "off sick " ffs. No one thinks it means vomiting.

[ichbineinstasumer]

Yes I'd complain. They shouldn't treat you or your child as liars with no evidence at all, regardless of their experience with anyone else. By questioning your young child they are trying to catch you out, and by themselves lying to the child about what you had said on the phone (that you said he had been sick) they are acting in a very manipulative way that I would find completely inappropriate and confusing for the child, and would certainly say so.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

I'm afraid I'd be going up and Having a long conversation with the school.
They shouldn't have been quizzing your ds. Any questions you ask the parents.
Schools moaning when your child's in school. Moaning when they're not.
They can't have it both ways

[SeaWitchly]

As far as the teacher was concerned she had been told he was off for D&V which would require 48 hours off. Next time tell the truth.

'Upset tummy' is the truth unless OP is a gastroenterologist and wanted to give the school the specific diagnosis

[Alpacaandgo]

No that was not ok. So you'd already told her he wasn't sick sick but she went into the classroom to ask your 4 year old anyway. So she was also basically calling you a liar and going to see what your 4 year old would say.

If I were you I'd go in and find out exactly what happened because what you've described is definately not ok.

[PerfumeIsAMessage]

Massive difference between saying your kid has been "off sick" "been sick" and "had an upset stomach". The first could have been a headache, the other two automatically call for the 48 hr rule.
Why on earth didn't you just say he'd had stomach ache?
Anyway, until you've clarified what was actually said to your son I'd hold fire. Sounds pretty odd (and obviously out of order) if this woman did rock up to him saying "you're a liar aren't you?". Maybe she asked him why you'd said one thing and then another....(or, effectively, lied....)

[Ttbb]

Of course you should complain and deman a public apology. What kind of cow calls a four year old a liar?

[FrechieDoggymummy]

I'm glad you agree, I can't see why they would think this is OK!
Allthebest I wasn't lying to them, but at 9am when I called to report the absence I wasn't aware that it would unfold to just him needing the loo.

[scottishdiem]

You, from their perspective, lied and were called out on it but via the proxy of your DS which isnt that great to be honest.

I wouldnt complain per se but instead write and ask that if they school has any concerns about DS attendance they should be raised with you, not passive aggressive comments by a school pen pusher.

[Gemini69]

an in-house investigation was at hand... Sneaky

[SandyDenny]

I'd be very wary of rushing in all guns blazing on the word of a 4 year old.

Maybe have a quiet word and find out the other side of the story and remember in future that "sick" means different things to different people and a 4 year old won't understand the implications for the 48 hour rule

[MyPatronusIsAUnicorn]

You said he had an upset tummy. This usually means sick and/or diarrhoea, then he appeared the next day. The amount of parents that will send their children to school when they were sick that same night is ridiculous hence the 48 hour rule to avoid spreading bugs. Therefore YABU and should have just said he wasn't feeling well rather than upset tummy.

[Seeyamonday]

scottishdiem

You, from their perspective, lied and were called out on it but via the proxy of your DS which isnt that great to be honest.

I wouldnt complain per se but instead write and ask that if they school has any concerns about DS attendance they should be raised with you, not passive aggressive comments by a school pen pusher.

THIS
How dare she!!!

[Sunshineface123]

Not very nice questioning him like that especially when he's just settling in. Although to them 'upset stomach' probably meant diarrhoea. Many parents do send their children in after having upset stomachs and it spreads like wild fire. I'd probably let this one go to be honest. Glad he's feeling better now.

[Catsize]

Dreadful - particularly as she was the one lying in trying to trick your son. Oh, the irony...

[DJBaggySmalls]

YANBU, thats no way to speak to a child. And you really cant win, can you. If they feel sick with an upset stomach and you keep them off only to watch them recover you are damned. Send them in with D&V, ditto.

[GreatFuckability]

OP didn't lie about anything. she thought he had an upset stomach, when they rang her she explained what actually happened. that bit is fine. what is NOT fine is to then go and question a bloody 4 year old child! I would be speaking to his teacher to find out exactly what happened.

[grasspigeons]

I find the word sick is a bit ambiguous. I've had teachers bring children to the office as the child said they were sick yesterday and until the situation is clarified they can't be with the other kids. After I've done a mime of vomitting and got out poo pictures its clear the mean sick as in a headache. We have lots of kids who don't speak much English. I do a great vomit mime.
I wouldnt call a child a liar. I might sat 'mummy says you weren't sick'

[tigerlil6571]

Questioning your DS was not okay. The school are obviously concerned with keeping sickness out of the school for 48 hours, but they have gone about this in the wrong way. I wouldn't go to the head. Just make sure next time you specify the illness

[deadringer]

What SandyDenny said.
Sounds like she just asked him if he was sick. hardly the Spanish inquisition