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To leave this bitchy snobby mum's clique

(199 Posts)
LurpackLover Thu 21-Sep-17 11:05:04

I've name changed as the location might out me.

My DD has just started school. She has moved into reception with about 15 children who attended the school nursery so all the parents know each other quite well.

I've been friends with my DD's best friend's mum for about 2 years. I always knew she was abit snobby but when it's just us on our own she's great. We are total opposites - she is originally from a "posher" part of the country and I'm from the countryside. Our accents are totally different, she is a manager I work in a supermarket, she lives in a lovely house I live in a terraced 3 bed, her and her partner have quite abit of money, me and my partner scrape through.

This hasn't really become apparent or been a problem until the girls started school. She has started to make comments about her DD has started to come back speaking with the local accent and that she is annoyed and has told her daughter that we speak "properly and nicely". She has also said that her DD's behaviour has started to decline rapidly after starting school 3 weeks ago and this must be to do with the fact that it's a state school rather than private and she's clearly picking it up from other children at school.

We are friends with 3 other mums from the school who have the same views as my friend - they are all wealthy etc and they were all stood discussing it today, saying how they wish they could move their children to private schools as their children coming home and speaking "that way" disgusts them and its clearly because they are mixing with common children.

I came home and felt very sad. Partly because I don't know why these mums are friends with me because I'm supposedly everything that they hate and also that my DD is probably seen to them as "one of those kids" as she has the same accent as me!

My DD told me yesterday that her best friend told her that she didn't want to play with her anymore. I asked my friend about it and she said that her DD had said that my DD kept following her around and she had told her to go and tell a teacher if my DD kept following her after she had told her she didn't want to play with her anymore. I think that's really mean! I guess what I'm trying to say is that our views are totally different.

AIBU to just step away from this group? I don't know if I'm over reacting or not?

PennyLaneFlowers Thu 21-Sep-17 11:08:12


Leave them to it.

They can't be that wealthy if they've sent their kids to a school which is obviously far below their standards/status rather than a private school.

Accent or not accent, let's see how their little darlings are faring in twenty years time. All captains of industry making mega millions I'd assume hmm

LoyaltyAndLobster Thu 21-Sep-17 11:09:25

You're not overreacting at all, I would leave the group.


Movablefeast Thu 21-Sep-17 11:11:09

Ah the great British class system kicks in.

LurpackLover Thu 21-Sep-17 11:12:20

It's a country school which is perceived to be one of the best in the local area - and I quote from one of the mums "because there are no foreigners here unlike the school in town which is full of them".

I've always taught my DD to be kind and respect everyone, no matter whether they have a "farmer accent" or speak with a "posh accent". I've also always taught her to be kind in general and that telling someone that you no longer want to be their friend or play with them for no reason is rude and unkind - hence why she keeps following her friend around. It makes me sad that at only 4 she is experiencing this

Happyemoji Thu 21-Sep-17 11:13:54

I think your Dd is the lucky one who wants a friend like that. If the parents are that far up their arses why don't they send their kids to private schools. Maybe they are not as posh as what you think. They sound horrible and judgemental.

alohaimnew Thu 21-Sep-17 11:13:57

You are not over-reacting at all. Why doesnt she send her daughter to private school if she is that way inclined? Not that well off i suppose?

I would slowly leave the group OP.. you would be happier. Let them behanve how they want to behanve.

Happyemoji Thu 21-Sep-17 11:16:19

They have racist opinions I would run a mile.

LurpackLover Thu 21-Sep-17 11:16:32

The other comment she made which has sort of done it for me is that there is no way that she will be sending her daughter to the local high school (a high school which I attended) and will happily move to live in the catchment of a far better high school. I get you want the best for your children but why put others down???

NewMinouMinou Thu 21-Sep-17 11:21:14

It all sounds a bit fur coat and no knickers, OP.
They're trying too hard and the foreigners comment would just put the lid on it for me.

kissmethere Thu 21-Sep-17 11:26:29

Oh no, it sounds like they're talking out of their arses to each other and you. It probably a way to make themselves feel superior. They'll moan all through the primary years and never remove their child, but threaten to just to keep up appearances. Or maybe one will because "they can". Ignore and move on. Seen all this before they're not worth it.

NewMinouMinou Thu 21-Sep-17 11:29:18

Yup, Kiss.
Having a few forriners in a school is great anyway - there's the chance to learn about other countries/food etc.
They're all Hyacinth Buckets, OP. Very tired cliches.
However, right now they're all jostling for position as it's all new. Back off and give your original friend a chance to calm down.

Aworldofmyown Thu 21-Sep-17 11:33:49

Tbh I would have said something whilst I was there - but that comes from years of dealing with other school mums. I care much less now and my DD has stayed with her best friend from nursery despite her mother driving me bonkers grin

If you enjoy being friends with them as a whole and as your DD is good friends with her child I would stand up for yourself. If they are saying those things then point out that they are actually talking about you. You don't have to be confrontational or angry, just put in your point of view.

woodhill Thu 21-Sep-17 11:35:05

I'm sure your dd will make new friends there. Leave them to it.

Ivy79 Thu 21-Sep-17 11:36:12

Bin these people, they sound awful!

Hillingdon Thu 21-Sep-17 11:36:24

My SIL is like this. They have financial issues having overstretched themselves yet she is very 'entitled'. Thinks the state system is awful but if you cannot afford private you cannot afford private.

That is just life! I would love a flat in a posh part of London but hey ho.

Stay away from them. People like that suck the life out of you.

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell Thu 21-Sep-17 11:37:33

They're definitely trying too hard - and insecure and trying to impress each other.

ChuffMuffin Thu 21-Sep-17 11:39:11

I get you want the best for your children but why put others down???

Because she and her cronies are mean people. Sadly their kids are probably going to end up with the same ideas as their parents.

I'd just start slowly having less and less to do with the parents. They sound awful.

Zadig Thu 21-Sep-17 11:39:46

Wow OP, they do sound hideous. What I don't understand is why they are suddenly going on about this now, if their kids are with the same 15 children that we're together at the nursery anyway. confused. Regardless if this, they are racist - say no more! Also deluded, as they would no doubt find that a high proportion of children in the private schools they clearly covert so much are non white British anyway (like mine). I can't believe the woman told you about advising her DD to avoid yours - how very patronising. Avoid like the plague!

Mittens1969 Thu 21-Sep-17 11:41:11

Your DD will make lots of new friends at school, OP. Tbh, I wouldn't really want my DDs to go on play dates with a friend whose parents express such racist views. They'll both choose whether they want to be friends in school. But if you encourage play dates in their houses, your DD will be open to being influenced by such unpleasant views.

It's better for children not to rely on one best friend anyway. My DD1 has been accused by friends of 'following them around', but the girls in question are still friends now they're in year 4.

OhThisbloodyComputer Thu 21-Sep-17 11:41:29

I would say keep going, as long as you don't let them get to you.

It could be amusing and give you many anecdotes for later on in life. Better that than to be lonely, I say.

Mind you, I stuck it out in a job on that principle (putting everything down to experience) and I ended up being driven mad by all the annoying small minded people I worked with.

But you are probably a stronger character than me!

I guess what I'm saying is I don't really know.

You have my fullest sympathy. I know what it's like to be alone in a crowd. Try to see the ridiculousness of the situation. Come on here and share some of the lunacy with your online friends. That might help.

Don't do what I did and end up being escorted off the building by a policeman.

alohaimnew Thu 21-Sep-17 11:44:01

OP - why not you ask your friend if the state school is sooooo bad - maybe she should put her daughter in private school? She sounds awful.

KERALA1 Thu 21-Sep-17 11:44:39

Cringe at their comments.

That said a real farmer accent would be a hindrance in some careers - unfair but true. I speak as someone that went to a rural comp, it was cool at school to have a really oorrr arrrr wurzel type accent. Even as a teen I was careful not to pick that up (accepting I would never be in the cool group grin ) and I sure as hell would not have got the job I did at a City law firm sounding like my classmates did.

LurpackLover Thu 21-Sep-17 11:45:05

aworldofmyown I'm seriously thinking of bringing it up at school pick up - just by saying to my friend that I'm unsure how I fit into that group because what they are slagging off is me.

My mum and dad do not have posh accents - but they are well off due to having worked hard all their lives and paid off their mortgage and have a nice car etc. They are the most lovely people and have lots of friends - I just want to scream at my friends that someone's accent makes no difference to who they are!

It's really upset me that she told her DD to tell a teacher if my DD keeps following her after she's told her she doesn't want to play with her. It completely goes against everything I've taught my DD and it hurts me to think of my DD at school confused as to why her best friend suddenly doesn't want to play with her sad

Notevilstepmother Thu 21-Sep-17 11:45:36

Pp has it spot on. Hyacinth Bucket.

Find some nice friends who aren't such nasty snobby bitches, and forget them.

Nice house doesn't seem to be making the silly woman happy or she wouldn't be so nasty.

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