To wish they would leave me alone?(10 Posts)
I had DD2 two months ago. I'm the first of my friends to have kids, in both of my friendship circles.
They keep wanting to do things. I don't want to socialise just now. I'm fat, I'm tired, and I just want to relax and hide away with my babies for a little while. DD2 is up half the night, I can't go boozing, I can't go away overnight, I can't go to a spa for a full day (well I guess I could do those thing but I have no desire to do so).
I wouldn't be against an early dinner to catch up, a coffee, even a wee cocktail. But everything is always such a big event and I'm getting such stick for saying no.
I like them very much, but I just want to be left alone for now.
Congrats on your baby.
Just be honest with them. Tell them you want to see them but being a Mum is exhausting and doing a full day or evening is to much. Then follow up with some options that you would be comfortable doing. Either they will take note and plan something you can do or they will keep their ways and you can say you've already told them you aren't up for xyz
I know the feeling. I think this is why a lot of friendships fall by the wayside when we have a baby. It's just down to being at different stages in life and having different priorities now, and your friends not understanding if they haven't got their own kids yet. Why don't you initiate going for lunch/ coffee or something and explain you have a lot on your plate and tired for the bigger events.
I have tried to explain. These girls, in one of the groups anyway, have no time or interest in children and are very eye rolly about the concept. I think what bugs me is the pressure. They can't just accept a straight no thank you and I need to keep explaining.
"You need a night out"
"Just get your husband/mum to watch them"
"Don't be boring"
One of them in particular means well, but gets all "concerned" about me if I say I don't want to go out.
"Are you ok? You really need some time away" no, i don't need time away. I like it here!!
Just carry on being firm.
However you need to be aware that eventually they'll stop asking as your stages in life get further apart. If you want to keep these particular friends maybe a compromise?
Kids don't stay little forever, there will come a point when you'll want to start socialising again.
I feel like people without kids can't really win in these situations, people constantly moan when they aren't included Because kids but then complain when the opposite happens! Just continue saying no maybe try organise a coffee?
Oh god I can't fucking stand people like this.
It's the reason I sort of fell out with my friends after graduation (and I don't even have any kids) - after work I preferred to just chill at home by myself, whereas they went out every night for drinks, and could not understand why I wouldn't want to.
"You'll regret not going out!"
"You'll regret not seeing us, you'll fall out of contact"
"I think staying in is lame and a waste of an evening".
I recently reached out to a friend about depression and finding things hard and she said "Well we have problems too, but no-one will tell you their problems if you only see them once every 3 weeks"
If they're a true friend, they will always be there for you, support you and understand! If they don't, or they belittle you, then life is too short to put up with shit like that.
I'm not complaining about just being invited though. I'm complaining about them trying to harangue me into going because they think they know better.
Apologies I can see that may not have been clear.
People who aren't familiar with babies and being a new mum are not going to understand. Life with a newborn is just not in their frame of reference, so they think you are being unreasonable because they haven't comprehended fully the tiredness, the love you have for your baby and that staying home is not a sacrifice for you.
The next friend who has a baby will get an easier time of it wrt friends because they will remember you and have more understanding that this is normal. It's just one of those things when you are the first in a group to reach this stage.
I'm not sure the friendships will last if they have no interest in your new life and you have no interest in your old life. There is nothing to bond you. Truth is, if you don't go out with them you will lose touch with each other.
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