I need some help being kinder with this.
DP has a close friend. I have had limited time for her over the years. She is quite a bit younger than us, has issues with drugs and alcohol, indulges in very risky sexual behaviour (and insists in telling me all about it) has a string of boyfriends, never longer than a few months each time. Can be fantastic company, but dropped in and out of DPs life, and was never there when he needed her. Quite self centred and immature in my view.
It came to a bit of a head a while back when she was planning on visiting with new boyfriend, he must have been the 6th or 7th in a year. I said I wasn't happy with them both staying over as he was a stranger and I had young kids in the house. My partner agreed, she got the hump.
Then her mental health took a nose dive. She has been signed off work since jan, diagnosis not clear may be bipolar. Medication not stabilised as yet. To her credit she stopped taking drugs (with the exception of cannabis) and largely stopped drinking and was putting real effort into trying to get her life onto a more even keel, although she was finding it a struggle. We have had an open door to her through out this time.
The last time we saw her was a few weeks ago. She got vv drunk and her behaviour was quite erratic.
Today I got home to the news she is pregnant - intentionally. My judgy pants were so far up my arse they were out my mouth before I could engage my brain.
For context, I am also 7.5 mos pregnant. We are the only people she knows with kids, so I suspect she might want to lean on us quite heavily.
I just can't get past the view that she has chosen to bring a child into the world at a time when her mental health is bad and getting worse, her meds are still all over the place, she has no job, no stable partner and little support. I know that her mental health issues mean she may not be capable of making the best choices right now, but I think bringing a child into this situation is a hugely selfish thing to do and I don't think I can do a decent job of pretending I think otherwise.
I know this is not helpful or constructive to express this to her, but I really don't trust myself to be around her, and I suspect she will want to be around more than she has been.
So, how do I handle this, am I being a total judgemental hard hearted bitch? And how do I get past this to a more supportive place?
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AIBU?
AIBU to not be jumping for joy that DPs friend is pregnant
25 replies
Belleende · 21/09/2017 02:10
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