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am i being paranoid about their friendship

(70 Posts)
maysbaby8 Wed 20-Sep-17 21:51:19

partner has got very friendly with a new school mum. she is friendly with me also but not as much as with my man. she is single and has him round to do diy for her and have coffee and he can be gone for quite some time while i am left at home with my little ones. am i being paranoid to think there is more to this relationship? how do i approach the subject without sounding like i am a jealous cow? am so confused as i'm not really a jealous type( which is now making my mind go crazy as i wonder if its a sixth sense), but my man is and i know this would cause huge arguments if the 'shoe was on the other foot'!

EC22 Wed 20-Sep-17 21:56:51

How often is this happening?

junebirthdaygirl Wed 20-Sep-17 21:57:24

Not on, l dont think. Probably nothing happening at the moment but inappropriape and leaving himself wide open. I would be very uncomfortable to have a married guy around for coffee etc so think that woman doesnt respect your relationship.

Heartofglass12345 Wed 20-Sep-17 21:59:29

I think its a bit strange if you are at home and she is inviting just him and not you. Its a bit cheeky asking him to do DIY anyway! Does he go there very often?

maysbaby8 Wed 20-Sep-17 22:01:13

happening at least twice a week. my gut feeling is she is laughing at me behind my back. but do not want to 'unfriend' her.....keep your enemies close and all that!

Booboobooboo84 Wed 20-Sep-17 22:02:21

Next time she asks him over could you go too. Gauge the response to you all showing up en masse

Softkittysillykitty Wed 20-Sep-17 22:03:20

Totally inappropriate.

Guiltypleasures001 Wed 20-Sep-17 22:03:45

How much diy could there possibly be ffs, ide have it out with him and how he answers would tell you all you need to know.

She's not taking the piss, he is, you have. A man problem not another woman problem lovely

Aquamarine1029 Wed 20-Sep-17 22:04:45

Your partner is playing with fire.

maysbaby8 Wed 20-Sep-17 22:07:31

have gone with him once but her kids were home so she wasnt bothered. she has also invited us both in together and all the kids, but i almost feel like a gooseberry and they chat about stuff that they have talked about before, so im not part of the conversation.

MrsMHasIt Wed 20-Sep-17 22:11:23

If it was a single dad would you worry that your dp was bi? Is she attractive? Does she 'flirt'?

guestofclanmackenzie Wed 20-Sep-17 22:12:28

You're definately not a jealous cow! I would be very unhappy with this and very suspicious.

It's inappropriate and disrespectful to you.

maysbaby8 Wed 20-Sep-17 22:14:47 i said i' m not the jealous type. but for some reason i have a bad gut feeling about this. she is a bit flirty i think but she could be like that all the time cos i dont know her very well

MrsMHasIt Wed 20-Sep-17 22:17:20

Can you give an example of her flirting? Does he flirt back?

Torres10 Wed 20-Sep-17 22:24:22

Personally, I would be asking him WTAF he thinks he's playing at. Life is too short to play nicely when he is taking the p***.

ILoveDolly Wed 20-Sep-17 22:25:49

Frankly if my husband did this I would straight away told him I thought it was weird, because it is, borrowing someone else's husband for DIY duties. It's not innocent, and nobody reasonable would do it unless they were friends with the wife and she'd suggested it. Start asking him in a jokey way how his new gf is getting on and if he gets annoyed just admit it gives you the creeps and you don't know why. If he's genuinely just being nice well, can't he be nice to you and stop giving other women his attention?

tiddleywinks27 Wed 20-Sep-17 22:26:57

Can't stand women like her!

Don't care what anyone says - no woman wants their man calling round to another woman's house like this and with visits becoming more frequent! She could be completely innocent but surely she can ask someone else to help with all these DIY jobs?

I agree with what someone else suggested however - go with him next time she asks him over. He's your OH, you're entitled to join him especially if you are on friendly terms with her wink bring some cakes and make it seem like you want a girly catch up.

I expect her face/reaction should give away how she really feels. If she seems happy to see you then maybe you've nothing to worry about but if she seems put out at all then I'd be concerned (and put an end to their little friendship!) and if you're still unsure...just continue to join him on the visits until you're satisfied that you have nothing to worry about!

You're all friends afterall, so if she's innocent then she shouldn't have an issue with you popping round too should she?! wink

Petalflowers Wed 20-Sep-17 22:28:01

Not paranoid. I'd feel cautious as well. DIY at least twice a week! They're heading towards an emotional affair.

Can you find details of DIY tradesmen? Or find DIY to do at home so dh can't go around?

You need to speak to him. Explain you feel uneasy. His response will tell you everything. He may genuinely just think he is being helpful, and doesn't realise he has overstepped the mark.

Fluffypinkpyjamas Wed 20-Sep-17 22:28:02

he can be gone for quite some time while i am left at home with my little ones

YANBU, this is inappropriate. Trust your gut feeling.

FritzDonovan Wed 20-Sep-17 22:28:05

Diy twice a week? Does she live in a doer-upper, or is she one of those who can't do anything (change lightbulbs etc) for herself? No other reason for this frequency I think.
When does he go round? Evenings and weekends? Totally inappropriate taking so much time from the family.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Wed 20-Sep-17 22:30:18

I know it's a
Massive cliche but he is the issue

She owes you shit - and I don't like the sound of her at all

But by getting angry with her you fail to address the problem

The problem is that your DH is allowing an inappropriate relationship to develop

Ask him if you have anything to be worried about here ? Tell him you feel uncomfortable with this and gauge his reaction.

Crowdie Wed 20-Sep-17 22:36:35

Big old klaxon going off OP.

This is dodgy as hell.

LilQueenie Wed 20-Sep-17 22:40:11

Do you know her background? I would be concerned. The main problem is that she is flirty. You need to tell your DH how this makes you feel. His response will be telling.

Disn3yN3rd Wed 20-Sep-17 22:42:06

Well it wouldn't be happening with my husband. It sounds odd. How much DIY can one person have?

lottieandmia Wed 20-Sep-17 22:42:27

There is no way that this is normal - I'd be really pissed off. I wouldn't dream of asking dads at school to do DIY for me.

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