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Advice on how to deal with an Anti-vaccer

(126 Posts)
frankencunt Wed 20-Sep-17 20:19:07

Help. Posting here for traffic as I need to speak to my friend in the morning.

My dear friend is in a relationship with a complete prick who is trying to stop her vaccinating their new baby.

She of course wants the vaccinations but he has said he will not allow it and is going to write to the GP to say he doesn't give his consent.

He is a total arsehole who refuses to speak to her about it, refuses to speak to medical professionals and gets all of his information from crappy American websites from what I can gather.

He has now threatened her as well if she had them done without his permission.

Could anyone point me to some easy to understand research/info that I could get for her?

Does anybody know if he can block the vaccines or if they will do them with just her consent?

We are in the UK.

Thank you!

wheredoesallthetimego Wed 20-Sep-17 20:20:53

Tell her not to put him on the birth certificate. If they're not married he has no rights. If they are married or he has parental responsibility then yes, he can block vaccinations ( though in the real world she could take the baby to a private GP and they'd be very unlikely to pry)

MrsMHasIt Wed 20-Sep-17 20:23:44

Well if he is threatening her now that doesn't bode well for the future.

topcat2014 Wed 20-Sep-17 20:24:54

She should probably be planning to leave what an arse

Cailleach666 Wed 20-Sep-17 20:26:03

I;m not sure why it;s any of your business.

frankencunt Wed 20-Sep-17 20:26:23

I think they have already registered the birth sadly. I did think about advising her to go private but I don't know if she can afford them, especially if she is on her own which I suspect she will be after this. I feel so sorry for her. I have told her to book an appointment with the GP to discuss it and I also think she needs to report his vague threat to the police or at the very least her HV. sad

Ttbb Wed 20-Sep-17 20:27:36

Why doesn't she get them done anyway and not tell him. He is unlikely to notice and once it's done it's done. The problem with antivaxxers is that they are so incredibly stupid that it is almost impossible to convince them with rational argument or research because they just aren't capable of understanding it. Short of sending him to do a BSc I don't see what an really he done to change his mind.

frankencunt Wed 20-Sep-17 20:28:20

Cailleach666 because she has asked for my help. So I am trying to help her. Because I am not you.

frankencunt Wed 20-Sep-17 20:29:54

Ttbb that was my advice initially but he has now said he will write to the GP and say he doesn't consent. sad

LouHotel Wed 20-Sep-17 20:30:00

Report to HV so they can flag her for potential support from SS for domestic abuse.

There's a big difference between wanting to have discussion surrounding medical decisions aboit children and threatening your partner over your beliefs.

Equally to my understanding if parents disagreed about vaccinations supposedly that decision would go to court of which i imagine the judge would side with the mum.

mumofddds Wed 20-Sep-17 20:30:53

They'll do them with just her consent. There was a case last year where the court sided with the vacinating parent over the anti vax and ordered them to be given so I don't think there's much he can do

Salva Wed 20-Sep-17 20:31:14

Has she had her 6 week check? My midwife was asking questions to weed this sort of stuff out. At the very least asking about DV. Hopefully she can discuss with gp or hv out vaccines then lead on to her relationship. They will be able to tell her if they need only one parents consent ( if the other refuses)

harlandgoddard Wed 20-Sep-17 20:31:18

How would he know if she got them done?

I got my DD's all done without DP's consent (not that he refused, just that he wasn't with me at the appointments).

Cailleach666 Wed 20-Sep-17 20:32:30

People don't have to vaccinate.

My kids didn't have their MMR until they were 14

Butterymuffin Wed 20-Sep-17 20:33:08

Tell her to take the baby to get them done and just not tell him. Oh, and leave the idiot.

Caill couldn't you say that of any thread on here, pretty much?

TroelsLovesSquinkies Wed 20-Sep-17 20:33:27

I think she needs help with leaving her abusive H. She needs to talk to the health visitor.

MaisieDotes Wed 20-Sep-17 20:33:44

I would just make the appointments and go. If he does write to the GP then that bridge can be crossed when she comes to it. Surely if one parent consents then that's sufficient? The default should be getting the vaccinations, not not getting them, right?

Ginnotginger Wed 20-Sep-17 20:33:51

If her DP has parental responsibility and they are at deadlock over the matter, she could apply to (magistrates) court for a Specific Issues Order. The Court would look at the best interests of the child and make a decision on this single matter only.

LouHotel Wed 20-Sep-17 20:34:06

@harlandgoddard i would imagine it might be noticeable after the 8 week when having to give calpol/baby fractious.

I dont see this relationship bolding well if important situations such as this would need to be hidden by one party.

This is a geniune LTB from me.

Butterymuffin Wed 20-Sep-17 20:34:14

Ah, now I see why you said that. Never mind. Thankfully OP's friend has some sense.

NicolasFlamel Wed 20-Sep-17 20:35:52

Tell her to pretend to agree with him but just book the appointment and not tell him. He won't write his stupid letter if he doesn't even know about it. He sounds like a prize twat, hopefully she'll leave him.

LunaTheCat Wed 20-Sep-17 20:36:23

I am passionately pro - vaccination. Vaccination is not your friends biggest issue. She is in an abussive relationship and for the sake of her and her child she should leave.

Fortybingowings Wed 20-Sep-17 20:36:25

The nurse or HV can do it with just her consent. Then she needs to leave this idiot. Sounds like she's at risk of domestic abuse if he's making threats. What a horrid waste of space he sounds.

Iheartjordanknight Wed 20-Sep-17 20:36:28

Finding research for her won't help. He won't listen to it.

I suppose you could find the case where the Gp went ahead with vaccinations regardless of one parents consent but their Gp may not want to risk this

I would tell her to get the child done soon and secretly

YouCantArgueWithStupid Wed 20-Sep-17 20:36:51

Me and DH have differing opinions on vaccination. Difference is he isn't an prick who won't listen to my opinion. We worked out a middle ground and went with it. I think she has a DP problem. Not a vaccine/anti-vaccine problem

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