Am I being selfish??

[Toonfinityandbeyond]

Hubby wants another child.
I have two from previous relationship a boy and girl both older
And we have a child together.
But he wants another one
Of course he only has one but technically I have three and will have four if we have another child
So I go from 3 to 4 children
And he goes from 1 to 2 children
He's a good daddy to my other oldest two so that's not the issue the issue is I just don't want another child :(
Is that selfish saying no
We are both working parents and have our own home etc so finances is not a problem.
It's just I don't want to be pregnant again or give birth again!
And have newborn sleepless nights again. The tricky thing is he's 10 years older than me and says his times running out!
I did the night feeds as I nurse so was absolutely shattered and can still remember the tiredness I felt.
My oldest starts secondary school next year.
Just don't know if I can do it all again!
But it means he only has one child :(
Advice ?? Cheers guys x

[Sierra259]

You are not being selfish at all. I can understand why he wants another, but at the end of the day it will impact on you much more than him.

[jeaux90]

Nope in these situations the person who doesn't want a child is by default the answer.

[Toonfinityandbeyond]

It's so hard :(

[Ttbb]

No. Having children weighs more heavily on women when both parents work. He's asking you to make a huge sacrifice physically and mentally while he won't be doing much more than he is now.

[statetrooperstacey]

No, you're not selfish, don't do it just for him.
If you two ever split up you will b a single mother of 4 inc two little ones.
It's a big ask of you, stand firm.

[JennyHolzersGhost]

No you are not.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Not selfish at all.

[Idontevencareanymore]

Not being selfish.

I strongly believe when a man says no more children that's it. No pushing, no "accidents" no guilt tripping.

And same for a woman. Equality and all that guff

[Toonfinityandbeyond]

Thanks
He's always talking about names etc and when's the right time
Iv had the coil for two years and have no plans of removing it!
It can stay in for at least 10 years apparently.
He's says he's getting older so has to be soon and has told me it would all work out great etc
I have told him I really don't wanna start all again. I think Because he's from a very small family he would like more children. But my families huge!
And having four just seems like so much to me I'm content at the moment everyone has routine it's going great I don't want to rock the boat :(

[Beamur]

I was in your husbands position. He had 2 kids when we met, we have another child between us. He didn't want more, I did.
We haven't has had a 2nd/4th child and it's now highly unlikely we could.
I'm still sad about it and probably always will be but he was adamant that and I could understand his reasoning.

[RaininSummer]

Well also if your ever split,you would be in charge of four kids. It he may only have to worry about seeing two.

[Sayyouwill]

OP wouldn't necessarily be solely responsible for 4 kids. He is the father regardless of whether or not they're together, he may even apply for custody.

Anyways, OP it is not selfish. Well it is, but not in a bad way. It's selfish in as much as its thinking about yourself, but in these circumstances you have to be selfish and think about yourself. You can't have babies to keep other people happy.
But I would have a thorough conversation about it. iMO men often feel like they lack power over being a parent as they don't 'fall' pregnant. I'd ensure he feels like he is being heard and that you are taking what he is saying onboard, but ultimately he needs to offer you the same courtesy. Fully try (and show) that you understand what he is saying but let him know your view and ultimately your decision. But you need to sort it out, so he stops mentioning it and possibly getting his hopes up and you can have some peace of mind.

[Toonfinityandbeyond]

Sayyouwill
I absolutely agree with you
He's got his heart set on this so maybe that's why Iv been a little light with my responses
I want him to be happy but I also want to be happy

[tillytown]

Nope, not selfish at all