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AIBU?

Working adult kids and Christmas?

130 replies

thekittensmittens76 · 20/09/2017 18:32

Do yours come home? Do you get angry if they don't?

OP posts:
Sooooooooooooooooooooo · 20/09/2017 18:35

Why would anyone get angry about it?

I'm an NHS worker and part of my job is to work the unsocial hours such as Christmas. I can't imagine why my DM would get angry about it, we all know what my job is.

ludothedog · 20/09/2017 18:36

In my 20's and 30's, before I had DD I always worked Xmas and was never able to go home to my parents. It was a busy time at work and I volunteered to work so that those with kids could get time off. Shame they never returned the favour when I had DD, but that's another story.

No, my parents never got angry. We just had our own celebrations later in January when I was able to get time off.

Why? Are you the adult child in this case?

NicolasFlamel · 20/09/2017 18:36

Confused why would anyone get angry? It's a shame if they can't come home but if they've got got work they've got to work.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 20/09/2017 18:38

My DM seemed to think she had a God-given right to have full attendance at hers every Christmas, regardless of age, marital status and work commitments.

The year I put my foot down and refused to engage was so worth it. Lots of tears and tantrums and flying monkeys telling me that I was selfish but I got my Christmases back. I don't want to spend my statutory leave driving 100s of miles to sleep on an air mattress.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 20/09/2017 18:38

Why on earth would you get angry about it?

I work full-time in retail, which involves working Christmas Eve until 6pm, and starting on Boxing Day at 9am for the sales. I go and see them either a few days before, or on a day off a few days after, but there's no way I can see them on Christmas Day itself.

They're quite happy spending the day alone. They don't need their 28yo daughter around in order to have a nice day. I spend it with my partner.

WineGummyBear · 20/09/2017 18:39

My parents have always been relaxed. Pleased to see us if we came home. Cool about it if not.

Can't imagine them being angry. Or myself either. When mine are grown I hope I will be happy for them to make their own choices.

NC4now · 20/09/2017 18:39

Are you the child OP?

Andylion · 20/09/2017 18:40

But OP hasn't said they are working over the holidays. Are they, OP?

thekittensmittens76 · 20/09/2017 18:44

Am the child. Lot of tears and tantrums from DM. I'm actually coming home for Christmas Eve, Christmas and Boxing Day though!!!

OP posts:
Theresnonamesleft · 20/09/2017 18:47

Nope, my children have their own lives. Sometimes I get them all at home at the same time. Other times I don't. Nothing to get angry about

Easyonthetonic · 20/09/2017 18:48

I would count that as being home for all of Christmas. Is she always this difficult?

Justmuddlingalong · 20/09/2017 18:50

So what's she upset about? 3 days covers Christmas in my opinion.

grannytomine · 20/09/2017 18:50

My parents had jobs that meant they worked Christmas, so did one grandfather. Husband and I were in police, son is nurse. I don't get why people get so stressed about it and I find people who aren't believers seem to be just as bad if not worse.

I would secretly love a Christmas day to myself, no cooking a big meal, no feeling responsible for everyone having a good time, no grandchildren wrecking the place.

Maybe the secret is not being bothered, then kids don't feel the pressure and are happy to come home. So by that logic maybe I need to start being hysterical and putting pressure on them all to be here and they will avoid me? I wonder how long it would take to work?

Lancelottie · 20/09/2017 18:50

Why is she upset then? Would she secretly prefer not to see you?

FrancisCrawford · 20/09/2017 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulder · 20/09/2017 19:00

Not always no. Wasn't until I was on Mumsnet that I discovered that some parents created about adults not all decamping home for Christmas.

I'm in my 40s, I have my own family and I have a job that sometimes means I work over Christmas. My DM would think we were nuts if we were at hers every year. In fact any year.

We go for a visit, at some point, vaguely during the Christmas season. It's fine.

Trills · 20/09/2017 19:10

I have in the past spent Christmas Eve, Day, and Boxing Day with just my partner at the time.

Not because we had to work, just because we preferred it.

My parents were fine with it.

SisterhoodisPowerful · 20/09/2017 19:10

Those 3 days are Christmas. It's completely unfair of your mother to behave this way. It's not normal to be angry at your child for circumstances outwith her power. You don't have to go if she is going to treat you this way. You could stay with friends or visit other family instead.

corythatwas · 20/09/2017 19:11

Constant juggling here as we have my parents + large extended family abroad, adult dd here in the UK. I'm the one who tries to keep everybody happy.

ZenNudist · 20/09/2017 19:16

Urgh i hear you OP. Why the hell is she annoyed as you are home for the whole of Christmas?

I got annoyed a DMIL last year because she complained she wasnt going to see us 'at Christmas' when we eere driving down on 27th to spend several days. I felt like saying "wtf are we doing if not coming to yours 'for christmas'. The year before i saw my side of the family before christmas and in the NY. Id say thats less 'christmas'. Anything between xmas eve and NYD counts.

Birdsgottafly · 20/09/2017 19:16

We always had dinner with my Mum (my Adult children as well).

I thought the obligation would end when she died, but one of my DDs puts pressure on us all to meet up.

For two years my youngest DD and myself have, unsuccessfully, looked for Voluntry Work on Christmas Day, to escape it.

My DD would and does get angry about it. She's childfree and her DP is off work, so she's not alone.

I wouldn't see anyone alone. I'd point them to the nearest Church that is offering dinner Grin

Mulberry72 · 20/09/2017 19:17

We always used to go to DM & DF’s house for Xmas Day, it was just sort of expected.

DM passed away 2 years ago, the 1st Xmas we all went round but it wasn’t the same. This year DF is buggering off on holiday with his “friend” so DH, DS & I are doing our own thing (eating body weight in chocolate and mainlining Baileys).

No idea what DSis’s & DB are doing.

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DancesWithOtters · 20/09/2017 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 20/09/2017 19:25

Honestly? Yes, I would be hurt and angry, unless there was a valid reason (which would include work, taking turns with in-laws, illness etc).

As an Irish person I think the English attitude to family is often a bit depressing.

I seriously hope when DS grows up that he doesn't think its fine to drop in a few days before or after Christmas.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 20/09/2017 19:28

@Tawdrylocalbrouhaha

Really? So if your kids wanted a quiet Christmas in their own homes, either together or with their children, you'd be hurt and angry about it?

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