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Working adult kids and Christmas?

(131 Posts)
thekittensmittens76 Wed 20-Sep-17 18:32:10

Do yours come home? Do you get angry if they don't?

Sooooooooooooooooooooo Wed 20-Sep-17 18:35:23

Why would anyone get angry about it?

I'm an NHS worker and part of my job is to work the unsocial hours such as Christmas. I can't imagine why my DM would get angry about it, we all know what my job is.

ludothedog Wed 20-Sep-17 18:36:10

In my 20's and 30's, before I had DD I always worked Xmas and was never able to go home to my parents. It was a busy time at work and I volunteered to work so that those with kids could get time off. Shame they never returned the favour when I had DD, but that's another story.

No, my parents never got angry. We just had our own celebrations later in January when I was able to get time off.

Why? Are you the adult child in this case?

NicolasFlamel Wed 20-Sep-17 18:36:58

confused why would anyone get angry? It's a shame if they can't come home but if they've got got work they've got to work.

LazyDailyMailJournos Wed 20-Sep-17 18:38:17

My DM seemed to think she had a God-given right to have full attendance at hers every Christmas, regardless of age, marital status and work commitments.

The year I put my foot down and refused to engage was so worth it. Lots of tears and tantrums and flying monkeys telling me that I was selfish but I got my Christmases back. I don't want to spend my statutory leave driving 100s of miles to sleep on an air mattress.

RonSwansonsMoustache Wed 20-Sep-17 18:38:24

Why on earth would you get angry about it?

I work full-time in retail, which involves working Christmas Eve until 6pm, and starting on Boxing Day at 9am for the sales. I go and see them either a few days before, or on a day off a few days after, but there's no way I can see them on Christmas Day itself.

They're quite happy spending the day alone. They don't need their 28yo daughter around in order to have a nice day. I spend it with my partner.

WineGummyBear Wed 20-Sep-17 18:39:20

My parents have always been relaxed. Pleased to see us if we came home. Cool about it if not.

Can't imagine them being angry. Or myself either. When mine are grown I hope I will be happy for them to make their own choices.

NC4now Wed 20-Sep-17 18:39:34

Are you the child OP?

Andylion Wed 20-Sep-17 18:40:34

But OP hasn't said they are working over the holidays. Are they, OP?

thekittensmittens76 Wed 20-Sep-17 18:44:45

Am the child. Lot of tears and tantrums from DM. I'm actually coming home for Christmas Eve, Christmas and Boxing Day though!!!

Theresnonamesleft Wed 20-Sep-17 18:47:33

Nope, my children have their own lives. Sometimes I get them all at home at the same time. Other times I don't. Nothing to get angry about

Easyonthetonic Wed 20-Sep-17 18:48:48

I would count that as being home for all of Christmas. Is she always this difficult?

Justmuddlingalong Wed 20-Sep-17 18:50:01

So what's she upset about? 3 days covers Christmas in my opinion.

grannytomine Wed 20-Sep-17 18:50:10

My parents had jobs that meant they worked Christmas, so did one grandfather. Husband and I were in police, son is nurse. I don't get why people get so stressed about it and I find people who aren't believers seem to be just as bad if not worse.

I would secretly love a Christmas day to myself, no cooking a big meal, no feeling responsible for everyone having a good time, no grandchildren wrecking the place.

Maybe the secret is not being bothered, then kids don't feel the pressure and are happy to come home. So by that logic maybe I need to start being hysterical and putting pressure on them all to be here and they will avoid me? I wonder how long it would take to work?

Lancelottie Wed 20-Sep-17 18:50:40

Why is she upset then? Would she secretly prefer not to see you?

FrancisCrawford Wed 20-Sep-17 18:53:15

What is she creating about?

You are going for three days - the three most important days too.

Hulder Wed 20-Sep-17 19:00:33

Not always no. Wasn't until I was on Mumsnet that I discovered that some parents created about adults not all decamping home for Christmas.

I'm in my 40s, I have my own family and I have a job that sometimes means I work over Christmas. My DM would think we were nuts if we were at hers every year. In fact any year.

We go for a visit, at some point, vaguely during the Christmas season. It's fine.

Trills Wed 20-Sep-17 19:10:34

I have in the past spent Christmas Eve, Day, and Boxing Day with just my partner at the time.

Not because we had to work, just because we preferred it.

My parents were fine with it.

SisterhoodisPowerful Wed 20-Sep-17 19:10:46

Those 3 days are Christmas. It's completely unfair of your mother to behave this way. It's not normal to be angry at your child for circumstances outwith her power. You don't have to go if she is going to treat you this way. You could stay with friends or visit other family instead.

corythatwas Wed 20-Sep-17 19:11:50

Constant juggling here as we have my parents + large extended family abroad, adult dd here in the UK. I'm the one who tries to keep everybody happy.

Birdsgottafly Wed 20-Sep-17 19:16:56

We always had dinner with my Mum (my Adult children as well).

I thought the obligation would end when she died, but one of my DDs puts pressure on us all to meet up.

For two years my youngest DD and myself have, unsuccessfully, looked for Voluntry Work on Christmas Day, to escape it.

My DD would and does get angry about it. She's childfree and her DP is off work, so she's not alone.

I wouldn't see anyone alone. I'd point them to the nearest Church that is offering dinner grin

ZenNudist Wed 20-Sep-17 19:16:56

Urgh i hear you OP. Why the hell is she annoyed as you are home for the whole of Christmas?

I got annoyed a DMIL last year because she complained she wasnt going to see us 'at Christmas' when we eere driving down on 27th to spend several days. I felt like saying "wtf are we doing if not coming to yours 'for christmas'. The year before i saw my side of the family before christmas and in the NY. Id say thats less 'christmas'. Anything between xmas eve and NYD counts.

Mulberry72 Wed 20-Sep-17 19:17:11

We always used to go to DM & DF’s house for Xmas Day, it was just sort of expected.

DM passed away 2 years ago, the 1st Xmas we all went round but it wasn’t the same. This year DF is buggering off on holiday with his “friend” so DH, DS & I are doing our own thing (eating body weight in chocolate and mainlining Baileys).

No idea what DSis’s & DB are doing.

DancesWithOtters Wed 20-Sep-17 19:19:34

But you are going home for Christmas!

What's the problem?

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Wed 20-Sep-17 19:25:23

Honestly? Yes, I would be hurt and angry, unless there was a valid reason (which would include work, taking turns with in-laws, illness etc).

As an Irish person I think the English attitude to family is often a bit depressing.

I seriously hope when DS grows up that he doesn't think its fine to drop in a few days before or after Christmas.

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