My mother is in her late eighties, she lives alone and looks after herself. I live some distance away but speak to her most days. I do her shopping and visit her once or twice a week. She attends a craft club once a week, it's attended by people of all ages. A much younger lady began dropping my mother at home each week, this then developed into her offering to collect my mother. This lady let's call her Anne is very kind she has according to my mother an unsupportive partner, a large family, primary school age children, grown up children and grand children. She looks after them all and does not have a job. Anne also looks after her elderly father who has terminal cancer. I was delighted when Anne offered my mother regular lifts to and from the craft club. But now the friendship has intensified. Anne is visiting my mum several times a week. She is "helping" my mother with all the administrative work that I used to do, sorting out insurance etc. I've told my mum there is no need to involve Anne in all this as she obviously is a woman with commitments of her own. My mum insists Anne wants to do everything she does. My mum is very well placed financially and reading between the lines life has not been so kind to Anne. I would really like to think that Anne is a lovely lady who has found a friendship with my mother despite the 45 year age gap. I'm just a bit uncertain and would value other people's opinions.
I spoke to her very briefly and said I hoped my mum was not being too expecting. Anne said she loves spending time with my mum and sitting and relaxing in her lovely, quiet house. My mum has a beautiful house with a large garden which is well maintained by an elderly neighbour.
It's great that she is helping her but to be honest it's your mum who is in the wrong, potentially very stupid, for involving Anne in her finances. If she was my mother, I'd be spelling it out to her that she is making herself very vulnerable and that there is absolutely no need whatsoever considering she has your support, to involve a stranger in anything financial or that leaves her open to fraud. They can still be friends and enjoy each other's company but the fact that Anne is happy to get into anything financial is a big red flag.
Assuming your mum is competent you really can't get involved in this other than to just say to your mum she needs to be a bit careful about who she gives access to her money to etc.
As for the poster talking about the OP setting boundaries and installing CCTV cameras, this is a capable adult we're talking about not a child. Regardless of potential concerns no-one has the right to start policing anyone else's friendships.
"The op is entitled to speak to someone who is effectively trying to replace her!!" no, she isn't. Quite apart from the fact that she's not replacing the OP, she is seen by this adult woman as a friend. You wouldn't think it ok if the OP's mum started policing her daughter's friendships? Or if her partner did? This is no different.
If a family member started to police my friendships I would never speak to them again.
I feel so conflicted over how to deal with it. If she is a good, kind person who has had a tough life, and she enjoys a bit of peace and quiet with my mum, then that's great. I would hate to damage their friendship. Yet if she turns out not to be a good friend then my mum will be devastated to be duped. She is fiercely independent and considers herself to be a good judge of character.