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To think how the hell will we cope with the terrible 2's and a newborn?!

(23 Posts)
Bippitybopityboo Wed 20-Sep-17 11:21:15

Just found out I'm about 4 weeks pregnant so very early days.
DS is 14 months old quite a handful. We always wanted 2 children but not this soon! I didn't go back on contraception after my 1st as I have never found one that worked well for me. DH and I said we would just 'be careful' obviously not careful enough. DH is really pleased but I'm just a total anxious mess.
Some days I find really hard with DS how will I do it heavily pregnant or with a new born.
I feel stupidly guilty on DS I don't even know why!
I always said I don't want 2 in nappies everyones been asking when's the next one for the past 6 months and we said we planned to wait till DS was at least 3 before adding to our family.
I had really high blood pressure from 30 weeks with DS in hospital alot, I can't do that again having DS at home.
Obviously on no contraception this was always a possibility but I did think we were being very careful it's worked for a year! blush
Someone tell me well get by and this is jist my anxiety chipping in!

firawla Wed 20-Sep-17 11:25:15

You'll be fine! The plus side with the smaller age gap is that they'll have more in common and be able to play together better as they grow up. Bit harder at the start sometimes but easier for you afew years down the line!

We had a 17 month age gap between the first two - unplanned but it worked out really well. So well that I had a similar gap with #3 but that time planned!

What I found really helped was get out of the house to keep the toddler busy. So lots of toddler groups and just let the baby tag along!

Congrats!!

SaucyJack Wed 20-Sep-17 11:28:02

You will get by, and once you're past the hectic early days you'll probably be glad about the way it's turned out.

There are many advantages to having DC that are at a similar stage in life- especially if they play well together, or will be sharing a bedroom. Makes picking weekend activities and family days out easier as well.

Good luck!

PolarBearGoingSomewhere Wed 20-Sep-17 11:30:20

A similar thing happened to my best friend - she will have 22 month old and a newborn. She's a fantastic woman and will do amazingly at it although I'm sure there'll be tricky days at times. I'm sure that if you're already worrying and aware of the potential difficulties then you will be a lovely mum.

"2 under 2" only really refers to having kids around 18 months apart. 2 years is a super common age gap and I have done it twice - what's an extra couple of months closer together when it's a much wanted baby?

Childcare will be expensive for a really short time - your eldest will be almost eligable for the 3 year old funding by the time your maternity leave ends.

Two in nappies is, IME, easier than a freshly potty trained child potentially regressing when sibling arrives and needing to go to the loo with very little warning whether you're feeding baby or whatever.

I managed to get a couple of naps to sync up each week which was amazing! I'm sure it'll pan out similarly for you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! flowers

mumofmunchkin Wed 20-Sep-17 11:31:39

We had a 24 month gap between our two. It's hard in the early days, but not all two year olds are tantrumming monsters and even if yours is, you'll get through. Once they get a bit older, it's a fabulous age gap - ours are 4 and 2 now and the way they interact and play with each other is absolutely gorgeous.

I would suggest, if your older one currently attends a childcare setting for a few days a week, keep them there - it will help your sanity. My older boy kept going to the childminder for two days a week throughout my maternity leave, and it was really nice to just be with the baby for a few days, and to have a break from the whirlwind of entertaining a toddler.

peneleope82 Wed 20-Sep-17 12:38:22

I have a slightly smaller age gap and honestly the apprehension was worse than the reality - we prettt much stuck to our old routine with the baby tagged along! I had no childcare so had the two of them 5 days a week and something that helped was getting their naps synced asap.

It's really hard to imagine what it will be like so my advice is to try and enjoy these last months with your big one, although it feels emotional/daunting now, once the baby comes it will be like they've always been here (it was for me anyhow).

acquiescence Wed 20-Sep-17 12:41:31

I could have written this! I'm 24 weeks pregnant with a 20 month old. We wanted another. It I was shocked it happened so soon, which I know sounds stupid.

My inital reaction was overpowering guilt and I was genuinely upset for a few weeks. I felt awful. I am now happy and excited. It will be hard but we will get through it. Like you, my first was not an easy baby and is not the easiest toddler, but he is a lovely boy anf I wouldn't want him to be an only child.

TheLegendOfBeans Wed 20-Sep-17 12:49:47

I'm due #2 in three weeks when DD will be 20months on the nail.

This pregnancy has been more demanding than the previous one, so my first tip is be kind to yourself and rest wherever possible. We moved house when I was 20w and it screwed me over. I'm still feeling the effects now.

I feel apprehensive as DD is starting to get very "toddlery" and also clingy. It's like she knows. However, i have absolutely no doubt that she will love this baby and want to "help" out.

I'm reading the "Contented Baby and Toddler Book" by MN favourite G*na F*rd.

I'd recommend taking a look; there's a lot I don't personally agree with but it shows you that a degree of routine is not too hard to achieve to retain your sanity!

doleritedinosaur Wed 20-Sep-17 13:08:05

I have a 2.5 year old & a 6 month old, the gap is nice. They live each other but the toddler doesn't get "baby" won't play.

I basically hit every group going & toddler does 11 hours of nursery a week which keeps me sane.

There are some days where it's not great but I make sure I do yoga once a week on my own at a class so I get head space.

I batch cook/meal plan, we are out the house a lot, the main aim is to tire out toddler.
Nappies aren't too bad, actually helps he's in nappies as sometimes I forget the baby's.

TriJo Wed 20-Sep-17 13:10:26

Same age gap incoming here (18 month old son and I'm 19 weeks). I'm just taking the "deep breaths, one day at a time and plenty of tea" approach tbh. It's going to be hard work but this is going to be our last baby so it's not going to be forever.

TheNaze73 Wed 20-Sep-17 13:19:36

You just do. I know that isn't particularly helpful

CarlHickbread Wed 20-Sep-17 13:23:11

12 months between my two... I was PETRIFIED!! But the reality of it was that it was easier than I thought. New baby will adapt to your routine pretty quickly, I also I 2nd what a PP, sync naps as soon as you can.

Good luck, you will be fine flowers

newbian Wed 20-Sep-17 13:26:34

DD will be 25 months when this baby is born. No lie - I'm finding this pregnancy very hard dealing with DD's tantrums and clinginess while huge and tired.

withmymummyhaton Wed 20-Sep-17 13:27:19

Oh bless you! Something similar happened to us (well, we started TTC for baby 2, but it happened IMMEDIATELY, rather than in the next 3 - 6 months).

Ours are 21 months apart. The oldest has just started school, the youngest is in pre-school four mornings a week. I feel like I'm getting my life back!

It WAS hard at times when they were both very small, but it'd probably be hard in different ways with a bigger age gap. Two in nappies was no big deal at all -- I used to change both at the same time, where possible, and it was actually much easier than rushing a just-trained child to the loo with a baby to care for as well!

(We did have to ask the council for a bigger bin, though ... so many nappies!)

My 22 month old was VERY excited to have a baby brother. That brother is now 2, and he absolutely adores babies as well (though I'm not having another :D).

We found that local toddler groups were great as DD could potter around playing while I held DS (and of course loads of mums / helpers were all too happy to have a cuddle with DS...!)

Can you have a chat with your midwife about whether the high blood pressure is likely to re-occur?

Could some of those people who've been eagerly asking when you're having another baby be called on to help out a bit, too?

It IS hard work -- but two years on, we're really glad we had a smallish age gap. Best of luck! x

LovelyBranches Wed 20-Sep-17 13:29:02

I have two years and 3 months between my two. I am still on maternity leave. It's not all a walk in the park. My baby has had awful reflux and would scream constantly, be sick over everything and need constant feeding. I breastfeed too so nobody else could do that and my eldest has at times been shut out because I've had to feed. There's an enormous amount of guilt I've carried about that.

Then three weeks ago my eldest had to have major surgery and his baby sister has been so incredible. It's like she's known. She absolutely adores him and has been a tonic for my DS in his recovery. It's also brought me and DS closer together again.

Groups, getting out of the house, outsourcing as much as possible and accepting any help has been the key. My dm has been amazing as a source of help and DS goes to nursery twice a week so that he gets time to play with other children and I get time with the baby.

CPtart Wed 20-Sep-17 13:49:17

I had a 2.5 year gap. DC1 already in nursery each morning, put DC2 in at five months too and went back to work. We had no family help, no-one ever offered to take one of them off my hands for a few hours or overnight. I would have gone crackers otherwise.
All got easier when DC2 was about 3. Now young teens and it's been a fantastic age gap.

EdgarAllenPoe Wed 20-Sep-17 14:07:44

I'm 7 months pregnant with my second baby. My son will be 22 months when this one arrives. Am I a bit apprehensive? Yes. Will I cope? Of course. I think there will be mad moments, but there that happens to everyone. 2 years is a common age gap, everyone muddles through.

Remind me how zen I was in 3 months time...

BarbarianMum Wed 20-Sep-17 14:15:10

That's the gap we had. The first year was hard but then it got easier and easier and they are very close.

toolonglurking Wed 20-Sep-17 15:59:37

I'm In the same boat, but two months ahead of you and it never occurred to me to be as terrified as you sound.
We have no support, just me, DH and DS (he'll be 23months when the next one arrives) and I just plan to go to lots of playgroups and do what needs to be done to get by.
If you are stressing about it, try to put that anxious energy into something useful like planning how to deal with things, rather than just flapping and catastrophising.

Dragongirl10 Wed 20-Sep-17 16:18:18

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I had two 14 months apart, unplanned. It was fine.
They are and always have been close and best friends even now at 10 and 11.
I was newly living overseas so no support or friends, and Dh was away a lot for days at a time with work...

My tips, get really organised!

Sort house out early in pregnancy, declutter, make easy spaces for tidying quickly, baby gates everywhere and a big playpen in most used room. I had a BIG 7ft square playpen full of toys on a thick rug in sight of Tv for toddler, it was a lifesaver kept dog out and meant toddler was safe whilst l was looking after baby.

Plan a routine that suits you, imagine how you are going to live day to day and plan for it now.

I followed Gina Ford with first and she was a very easy baby sleeping through at 4 months that helped!

As l has a c-section l booked a weekly cleaner, made a list of what was needed and gave it to her beforehand, also booked daily dog walker for first 2 weeks.

I cooked a months worth of easy meals and froze them, started a weekly food order too.

Stockpile nappies/ washing powder/etc all essentials for a month so if any complications no need to go out!

Get easy hairstyle!!!!!

Seriously though, l found it much easier with a routine as two that close are at least at almost the same stage for naps /feeds etc.

As they get older they always have immediate playmate too...

Luckystar1 Wed 20-Sep-17 16:29:04

I had 20 months between mine. You will be fine. I have to say, I found the first 6 months a breeze, I have found it progressively harder since then. My older one is not keen on the baby (now13 months) at all. My days are basically a scramble for my attention interspersed with alternating crying.

Thankfully they both nap at the same time!! I'm praying for the day that they play together peacefully but as yet it's not been the harmonious love in I was promised!! Sorry!!

You will be fine though!!

Bippitybopityboo Wed 20-Sep-17 17:58:23

Thankyou all! I am really worried about everything but lots of you have done it in much harder situations. I knoe well be ok I just feel like I can't get excited about this one like I did DS. It may come it's very early days after all. Thankyou all for your fab tips and advice too!

Someoneasdumbasthis Wed 20-Sep-17 18:59:45

Mine were 21 months apart. We had started ttc but were amazed it literally happened first bloody time we had sex! You'll be fine. It has its tough days for sure. I got DD on same nap schedule as DS asap so they both slept for 2 hours at the same time every afternoon. Saved my sanity. When they are abbot older a small gap is great as they like the same activities.

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