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to think if you are chronically late, your kids will grow up that way too?

(102 Posts)
PoppyPopcorn Wed 20-Sep-17 09:06:18

Or does it send them the other way?

I live very close to a school. My street appears to be the unofficial drop off zone for parents so I see the same people every day.

Every morning, without fail at 9.01 am a woman sreeches up in a silver Nissan Juke, throws her child out of the car to run down the path into the playground shouting "go! go! you'll be late!!" Poor kid has to leg it into the school playground, sometimes she makes it before the door closes, other times the door is shut and she has to walk through the main entrance and get a late mark.

Every morning.

So this poor child is going to grow up thinking that cutting it fine or arriving late is just what you do, and perfectly normal. And it's her mother who is teaching her this.

I cannot abide poor punctuality and the only time I've ever had to sack someone was for consistent poor time-keeping. Being on time MATTERS - is this child going to be late when it comes to things like sitting her exams or turning up for her driving test?

Disclaimer: on these threads there are always replies from people who have six autistic children to get out in the morning, don't drive, have to hike ten miles over the moors to school so it's understandable if they're 5 minutes late. But I know people who know this mother and none of that applies - she is just shit at getting her kid to school by the time the first bell goes at 8.57am.

Rollercoaster1920 Wed 20-Sep-17 09:27:07

Some will adopt the parent's style. Some will rebel! I hope my children rebel because my partner it's a nightmare for time keeping. Unfortunately it seems to be rubbing off on me though....

gingergenius Wed 20-Sep-17 09:30:32

My mum was organised, punctual, and tidy. I'm none of these. As these are not your kids, you should probably mind your own business - I'm sure they'll turn out just fine!

SaturnUranus Wed 20-Sep-17 09:32:13

DH tells me that MIL was always late for everything. He was often collected from school an hour late, sometimes more. Back then the teachers would just let the children out and the parents would collect them from outside the school gate.

He has always been very careful to be on time for absolutely everything. He says that he doesn't want our DC to have that same sinking feeling that he used to get when waiting for MIL yet again.

I think some people will copy but others will learn from the experience and refuse to follow that same pattern themselves.

lalaloopyhead Wed 20-Sep-17 09:32:23

Not quite the same, but my Dad always used to be late picking us up from anything. Always the last one to be picked up, left looking hopefully up the road for his car.

I absolutely hate lateness, if anything turn up early especially if it involves collecting the kids!

My ex used to work to his own timescale and I just couldn't stand it, to me it is not acceptable to be late for something because you want to have your breakfast first or whatever. I was very nearly late for my sisters wedding because he needed to take as long as it took to get ready - I was a bloody bridesmaid!

Lules Wed 20-Sep-17 09:34:03

My mum was always late, although not for really important things. I always try to arrive bang on time and normally am a bit early.

Maddaddam Wed 20-Sep-17 09:34:46

DP and I both have fathers who were chronically late to things. We bond over shared memories of the humiliation of being the family who was known to be late.

We are both incapable of turning up late, even when we know other people will be late, we stick to time.

So no, it can go either way.

Margomyhero Wed 20-Sep-17 09:35:51

I would have thought just the opposite.

It's the DC turning up late to school that have to get the late mark, and a telling off.

My DM is always just a few minutes late - she admits that she will not waste her time waiting for anyone else shock I am an early bird. If something happens to delay me getting to a place on time I hate it and it makes me very anxious.

Tainbri Wed 20-Sep-17 09:36:09

My mother NEVER gets anywhere on time, I got detentions at school because she wouldn't get out of bed and take me to school on time (rural area so no public transport or bus) it was embarrassing! I am the opposite and get everywhere ridiculously early even if it means waiting. I find the whole being late and last minuite rush totally stressful and unnecessary (obviously there are times it can't be helped but that's different if it's a one off)

BoredOnMatLeave Wed 20-Sep-17 09:38:55

Opposite for me. I found it so embarrassing as a child so now I'm usually 10 mins early everywhere as long as DP isn't coming. DM is 30 mins late everywhere.

formerbabe Wed 20-Sep-17 09:56:07

I grew up with parents who were always on time for things. I'm completely the same. I'd rather be an hour early for something than five minutes late
My eldest DC is in year 5...we have never been late for school...not once. The thought of taking my dc to school late brings me out in a cold sweat!
I hope my DC take after me in terms of time keeping!

tygr Wed 20-Sep-17 10:03:46

This was us. Just couldn't get up in the morning - me and my brother. Mostly due to depression and anxiety I think. We lived in a horribly dysfunctional family with lots of anger and arguments. It manifested in poor sleep and disorganisation.

I'm still like it now. I try to be on time for things but my timekeeping style is definitely 'just in time' rather than be early and hang around for things.

HeyMicky Wed 20-Sep-17 10:06:15

My family was always punctual and so I am. DH's family work on what is generally known as "[surname] time". This runs about 20 mins behind everyone else. Everyone blithely says, "So and so is due at 12...So 12.30 then ho ho ho"

They all married punctual people - none of the husbands or wives do it and drives us all crazy

RonSwansonsMoustache Wed 20-Sep-17 10:07:39

My parents were always on time, as am I. I had a friend as a teenager who was always upto an hour late and I thought it was so rude. Not so bad if she was coming to my house, but when I was stuck in town waiting for her, I hated it.

We weren't friends for long!

theEagleIsLost Wed 20-Sep-17 10:09:29

I think it will be a mix.

Though I had parents who'd get us ridiculously early to places – and that can be no fun either.

They used to insist I go into interviews like an hour or even hour and half early they be giving me a lift – that doesn’t go down well as they just not ready. If they said they'd pick me up at 2 pm when I was at university they'd be knocking on my door around 6 am or 7 am so learnt to be ready then and not for say 11 am which I first planned for.

I aim for just before 5-10 minutes or even more time if using public transport - and then wonder round till nearer correct time. When I have been late a few times a few occasions I’ve learnt it’s usually not the end of the world especially if you are apologetic though it’s still something I try and avoid.

JessicaEccles Wed 20-Sep-17 10:09:46

No. My mother was always late- for everything. It made me so anxious as a child that now, for me, being on time is about the same as being late. I always turn up everywhere early.

Ttbb Wed 20-Sep-17 10:11:56

No, not allchildren are inherently like their parents. Both of our sons are oddly cleanly for children their age yet my husband and I are hopelessly messy.

Needalifeoverhaul Wed 20-Sep-17 10:13:34

God I hope jot..I'm always late for everything at the moment. I blame it on the five month old and possibly an easily distracted mind..I always need to just do something before we leave....i annoy myself!

Grumpyrealist77 Wed 20-Sep-17 10:14:05

My dad was ALWAYS late, half hours to an hour usually, but once 3 hours late to pick me up from football training. I was 13. I asked if he'd been caught up in traffic or there'd been an emergency... No, he replied, he was just, late.
He would try to make anyone he was late for think they were LUCKY he'd turned up at all!!
As a 15/16 year old I consciously made the decision to never be late for anything when I was older as a result of this behaviour, however my older brother is not too concerned with punctuality, so it can go either way with offspring.
My wife would stay in bed till 3pm each day if she was allowed and this makes her late from time to time, but I have tried to change her sleep patterns!
Continual lateness is selfish and sometimes arrogant and there aren't any excuses.

limitedperiodonly Wed 20-Sep-17 10:15:26

is this child going to be late when it comes to things like sitting her exams or turning up for her driving test?

Who knows? And more importantly, who cares? As long as it doesn't affect me, other people's timekeeping doesn't bother me.

upperlimit Wed 20-Sep-17 10:16:30

Oh I must be terrible but that op made me laugh. I think it's the sheer crazy sounding urgency of the whole thing and the madness of it happing at the same late time every single day. Poor kid.

But, tbf, this makes more sense to me than those people who just don't care that they are late, the ones strolling into school twenty minutes late, as though the school bell is just a gesture.

JonSnowsWife Wed 20-Sep-17 10:18:13

DD doesn't have a choice. She can't be late. There's only one school bus to her school (rural area) and only one back. Her pick up and drop off times are the same times as DSs school run, which I am on so she knows there's no way of me bailing her out unless it's an absolute emergency. In which case, she'd text me.

My Mum is always early to things, I'm afraid I'm the opposite but I'm working on it blush thankfully DD is very punctual.

I dont know whereabouts it is you are OP but here if you're late so many times you get an automatic unauthorised absence and a possible fine. I'm sure it's being noted at the school.

As an aside, I'm not late for DSs school, the HT puts the fear of God into me! grin

MaroonPencil Wed 20-Sep-17 10:19:59

We were often late when I was little. Often the car wouldn't start in the morning so there was the stress of jump starting it on top of running late anyway. Whenever I went to school, clubs, anywhere really, there was that panic.

So how it affected me was initially I was usually late too, perhaps until my early 20s, because that was my model. Now however I am the other way round, I like to leave a good amount of time to get anywhere, absolutely hate rushing, etc. Unfortunately DH for some reason feels that being early for anything is a failing, he will leave it to the last minute or past the last minute to leave for anywhere - departure gates at the airport, the kids swimming lessons, going on holiday. I hate it. Even if I am not going with them, even if I have made up my mind that this time I am not getting involved, I just start getting anxious and looking at the clock and eventually saying " you know, they have to actually be in the pool in five minutes."

Juanbablo Wed 20-Sep-17 10:20:24

My parents were always punctual (dad always early) and I am always punctual, often a little early and need to wait a few minutes.

Dh's parents were punctual and he is the same but always wants to be even earlier than I like to be!

Badbadbunny Wed 20-Sep-17 10:21:18

I'd rather be an hour early for something than five minutes late

That's me too! Got it off my parents who were the same. Never had any last minute panics - clothes and school bags always prepared/laid out the night before. Never once late for school. I'm the same now with my own business - I plan for every meeting beforehand and check the files a few days before, writing notes and a meeting agenda, and having it all on the desk (or in my briefcase) the day before. About 15 minutes before the meeting, I'm sat there, reading the file etc, ready for if they turn up early - really annoys me when the client turns up late or doesn't turn up at all - it's always the same ones!! When I go to training courses, I'm usually the first car in the car park and the first person into the room. On holiday, I'm the one stood at the check in desk waiting for it to open and the one at the front of the queue at the gate. Makes for a much more relaxed life if you give yourself time to prepare and time for the unexpected.

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