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DH's ex wife spending divorce proceedings like water

(270 Posts)
TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville Tue 19-Sep-17 18:03:08

Back story.. after a very long and protracted divorce (drawn out by the ex wife) and huge legal bills, my DP's ex was awarded, reluctantly by the judge ALL of the proceeds of sale of the marital home. This was in order for her to clear her CC debts she had run up and buy a house outright for her and their two children. The ex has made no effort to get a job in the 4 years since they had separated (despite the chiidrrn being in their teens) so had no mortgage raising capacity whatsoever. Although the judge criticised her for this, the priority was housing he children, and rightly so. DP kept his pension but nothing 'liquid'.

I don't have an issue with the ruling, however the marital home has finally sold, almost 18 months after the divorce was finalised, she has a substantial amount of money in the bank, but the town she lives in and wants to continue to live in is expensive. The money left is enough, just, to clear her debts and buy a modest 3 bed house outright. But she has chosen to move into an expensive rental, buy a 20k car and started booking holidays. She continues to ' work ' in her own, loss making business and has never attempted to get a real job so still can't raise a mortgage.

By our calculations, given what she has spent already she now won't have enough to buy anything. If she stays in her very nice rental for the next year she will have spent 18k on rent in a year and this will further scupper any chance she will have of buying a house for her and the kids.

My question is, does DP say anything or is it none of his business? It is his children's chance of a secure home and inheritance that is being jeopardised, then again, she is a grown woman so should he keep his mouth shut and let her make her own mistakes?

It is worth noting that she is both totally rubbish with money and obsessed with outward appearance- clothes, cars, to be seen to be doing well is very important to her.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Tue 19-Sep-17 18:05:07

Not his business, your business or our business.

GoingRogue Tue 19-Sep-17 18:07:02

As frustrating as it is, I think it's best he says nothing. It is her money, and she can choose to spend it as she wishes. Might not make any sense to you but you can't tell people what to do I'm afraid.

LindyHemming Tue 19-Sep-17 18:07:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lavenderbees Tue 19-Sep-17 18:07:25

Keep snout out! You sound like a right busy-body.

Gorgosparta Tue 19-Sep-17 18:08:02

Its up to her. But i can see why hebis concerned.

You may need to prepare for when the kids come to live with you.if she really does burn through the money and then has nowhere to live.

Also have a plan in place if she comes asking for more money.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Tue 19-Sep-17 18:09:10

Sorry but it really isn't any of your concern whatsoever. How do you know how much her rent is?

Peanutbutterrules Tue 19-Sep-17 18:10:15

I hope you have a clean break so she can't come back for more. If not, get some legal advice on that front as a good home for the kids will be the courts main concern regardless of how much money she goes through.

But no, you can't say anything and expect to be listened to, anymore than you'd appreciate her wading in over your lifestyle choices.

TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville Tue 19-Sep-17 18:11:00

Because 1. It was advertised and 2. She told him how much.

Niccelia Tue 19-Sep-17 18:13:13

Literally nothing to do with you. Do you and DH really sit around in your free time discussing his ex? hmm

Dippingmytoesin Tue 19-Sep-17 18:13:36

It's not your business at all though.

PurpleMinionMummy Tue 19-Sep-17 18:13:38

Totally nosey....why did she get all the proceeds? Probably best for your dp to say nothing.

KanielOutis Tue 19-Sep-17 18:14:24

I can see how it's frustrating. I paid ExH out and he spent the money on round the world trips, choosing to rent a small flat instead of securing his future. It's none of my business though. When the money was spent, it was spent.

TheFormidableMrsC Tue 19-Sep-17 18:15:25

My God, it's none of your business what she does with the money. Absolutely none whatsoever. Why are you even commenting on this? If her ex-husband wishes to take it up with her, that's entirely up to him given they share children, but your input is not required.

TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville Tue 19-Sep-17 18:15:32

She got all the proceeds in order to clear her CC debts and buy a mortgage free property. The judge was very clear in her summing up that that was why she made the ruling the way she did.

Coffeeandcherrypie Tue 19-Sep-17 18:15:45

Of course it's OP's business.

Inconceivable that a step-mum might care about her step-kids having a secure home at their mum's hmm

If OP were the nasty sort, she would be happy at this woman frittering the money away, which was awarded to her to buy a house to home the children.

OP, is there any chance she can come after her ex's pension once she fritters the money away?

Does she have a job?

MrsPicklesonSmythe Tue 19-Sep-17 18:15:50

Officially it's none of your business but in reality I'd let her know that there won't be a bail out when the money's gone.
Who does she expect the kids to live with when she can't afford to house them?

Leeds2 Tue 19-Sep-17 18:16:12

I don't really think it is any of your business.

But DP should be prepared as to what he will say when she comes to him saying she has no money left (may depend upon how old the DC are are at that point - if they are already teens, they may be on the point of leaving home anyway), and whether he/you would at that point be prepared to have the DC live with you.

lilly0 Tue 19-Sep-17 18:16:29

YABU, it isn't your place to say anything

Aderyn17 Tue 19-Sep-17 18:16:33

Can you go back to court quick? If the ruling was made for the specific purpose of her buying a house outright and she isn't doing so, then it seems unreasonable that your dp has been denied his 50% of the assets.
I don't know if that is possible though or if the judgement is final.

In the end though, this is between the two of them.

Dippingmytoesin Tue 19-Sep-17 18:16:50

It's not the OPs business though regardless of being a step mum it really isn't her business.

SongforSal Tue 19-Sep-17 18:16:55

Totally up to her how she chooses to live. If she burns through the money, then it's up to her. I don't think it will benefit anyone for your DP to talk to her. They are divorced. She got a settlement. There's no reason for him to talk to her about anything other than their DC's.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Tue 19-Sep-17 18:17:18

Do you and DH really sit around in your free time discussing his ex?


You sound like a right busy-body.

Good grief, being concerned about your DC makes you a busy body now does it.

OP I echo what pp have said. Please say that the your DH got a clean break order.

crimsonlake Tue 19-Sep-17 18:17:32

It is not for you or the ex to question what she does with the equity from the fmh. The court awarded her all the proceeds from the sale for a reason. Sounds like you and your partner should be getting on with your own life as she hopefully is with hers.

Abouttoblow Tue 19-Sep-17 18:18:10

I'd be worried if i were your DH about where his DC are going to live when she runs out of money. She'll probably be back looking for more

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