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AIBU to be really offended by this woman?

(141 Posts)
buntingandstarcharts Tue 19-Sep-17 07:16:23

I am a teacher in an 'Outstanding' primary school (state). I am an experienced teacher (8 years teaching across Year 1, 2 and 3).

I am extremely conscientious, I take my job very seriously and I get excellent results,  I have been graded as outstanding myself (I am very proud of this and it is relevant). My classes always achieve at least 2 levels of progress and if any children are falling behind, I ensure I create intervention groups in my lunchtime to support them, as well as send homework and notes to parents. I arrive to work at 7 am, work through my lunch break and then leave school at 7pm everyday. I spent the summer holidays setting up my new classroom and I spend my Easter holidays writing comprehensive and detailed reports for the 30 children in my class. I can tell you single-handedly about every child's Maths, Reading and Writing level, as well as about their home-life. I spend every minute planning, marking, meeting parents, creating resources, being observed, preparing lessons - the pressure to be an amazing teacher is unreal!
Today, one of the parents (who also works in the school) has 'reported' to me that one of the other mums of a child in my class thinks the lessons are useless, that I am a lazy teacher and that I don't challenge the higher ability children! She said that private schools are so much better and that we, at our school just repeat the work from Reception upwards. AIBU to think that she has no right to say this? I am deeply offended by these comments and am concerned that she is passing this around the other parents, you know how gossip spreads! I take these comments very personally, of course I spend hours ensuring every element of the national curriculum objectives are covered! Should I meet with said parent to discuss? Or tell senior management? Or just ignore? I have only ever had excellent feedback from the parents and so this is deeply upsetting, I also feel FURIOUS. Not only that, but her child is not a higher achieving child and she does not require extra extension activities!
AIBU to have had enough of teacher bashing? I love my job, so please don't just say that I should just change jobs. Just wish there was a bit of genuine understanding and love for teachers who care so much for children! (I have not mentioned low pay - that does not come into it!)

Rachie1973 Tue 19-Sep-17 07:20:20

I genuinely don't think people understand how much extra work goes into teaching. My daughter left the profession because it was cutting the time with her own 7 year old to the point that home life was breaking.

On these 2, maybe a Chinese whispers problem, maybe exaggerated by a Mum. I really wouldn't put too much emphasis on it! Your results stand for themselves.

scurryfunge Tue 19-Sep-17 07:22:24

It is only one person gossiping about you. Just ignore them, your results show the effort you are putting in.
Are you a bit stressed if this upsets you so much?

SonicBoomBoom Tue 19-Sep-17 07:28:33

Em, it's one parent... Who probably is in denial that her little darling would be Einstein if only she was being stretched more.

Honestly, you need to grow a thicker skin if you're going to survive in teaching.

I have not mentioned low pay - that does not come into it!

You're right, it doesn't.

Coffeetasteslikeshit Tue 19-Sep-17 07:28:59

Ignore her, most of the parents will too if your as good as you say you are.

There's always going to be 'one' so try not to take it personally, she's just showing herself up.

YouTheCat Tue 19-Sep-17 07:29:02

Ignore her.

I know a lot of the work in the first few weeks is a bit of a recap. This woman doesn't know what she's talking about and if she's so sure you're crap (which you aren't) then she can take little 'Johnny' off to private school.

SmilingButClueless Tue 19-Sep-17 07:30:43

Sounds like she's upset that her child isn't one of the higher achieving children.

Appreciate it's not a nice thing to hear when you're trying to do your best for the children. I'd also question why the other woman felt the need to pass this on to you.

Sadly some people never seem to mentally leave the schoolyard cliques and bitchiness behind...

LaurieFairyCake Tue 19-Sep-17 07:35:06

You shouldn't give one moments of thought to this - why would you hmm

You don't need to prove you work hard to anyone.

Honestly I'd worry about your resilience if this one stupid comment made any impact at all. You need to take care of yourself and not worry about anything anyone says.

My dh has been teaching 20 years and he's the best teacher at one subject in the country - still parents say 'my kid hasn't learned anything so that's your fault, you're clearly a shit teacher'. You have to ignore it.

Witchend Tue 19-Sep-17 07:37:46

I'd question the motif of the person passing it on.
Are they trying to create tension between you and her, are they actually her views and "other mum" is a figment of imagination.

I'd also suspect that in every class with every teacher you will have parents who don't agree with you.

I had a conversation once about how one of mine was getting on with her teacher in the new school and singing her praises. Person I was talking to said they'd had a terrible teacher when they were that year. Yes, it turned out to be the same person! She just happened to suit dd.

The teacher that any of mine have had that came with the best reputation was dreadful in that year-not just me saying that.

A teacher I'd describe as nebulous with one of mine subsequently had a different one and was brilliant.

You won't please everyone all the time.

littlebird7 Tue 19-Sep-17 07:37:46

Conpletely ignore it. Also do not allow it to upset you, you are almost certainly admired and valued by the parents in your classes and your colleagues. Even if there is some truth to the comment (and that is highly questionable) there is always 'one' complainer in every class. Would also question why the other patent/ teacher needed to share such negativity! She really should have ignored it. Be proud of your own competence and outstanding record and enjoy your day.

Slartybartfast Tue 19-Sep-17 07:39:39

If you feel that hurt by the comment perhaps speak to the head who can send out some form of praise for each class and school? I wouldnt think she is the first to complain or will be the last. Surely that is just the nature of parents? She sounds like a show off who would like her darling to have a private educaiton without paying. And I am sure she isnt the first but may be just the first with the loud voice

MaisyPops Tue 19-Sep-17 07:40:44

it's one parent... Who probably is in denial that her little darling would be Einstein if only she was being stretched more.
Honestly, you need to grow a thicker skin if you're going to survive in teaching.

Sounds like a parent who wants to sound off and show off.

With the best will in the world though, she would be wrong whether you work 7-7 or 8-5. The hours you spend on it don't come into it either.

You do your job well. She has clearly been mouthing off.

I'd also question why a parent would go back to the teacher telling tales though.

MargaretTwatyer Tue 19-Sep-17 07:40:58

You have no idea if it's true. It's second hand gossip which is normally exaggerated if not entirely fictitious.

PoppyPopcorn Tue 19-Sep-17 07:41:19

There's always one. Some people love nothing more than to bash and knock others - irrespective of what job they're doing. That mother probably also thinks her dentist is an idiot, her GP doesn't know what she's doing, the supermarket worker is incompetent, her builder is a crook etc etc etc.

buntingandstarcharts Tue 19-Sep-17 07:42:17

You're all lovely. I feel better already, I'm in school ready for a great day. There may be some truth in my lack of resilience to be fair! Maybe it's a lesson in not pleasing everyone all the time. Thanks everyone grin

FenceSitter01 Tue 19-Sep-17 07:42:29

She has the right to her opinion - but you should know better than to listen to gossip. My experience of working in schools is that they are largely staffed by people who thrive on tittle-tattle and shit stirring. I've never been in a staff room that didn't.

I'd love to be witness to your conversation with the mother who allegedly said these things:
"hello, I'd like to talk to you about some play ground gossip I've heard ...."
"where did you hear that?"
"oh parent-staff tittle tattle"

That'll go down well.

You sound very naïve.

Softkitty2 Tue 19-Sep-17 07:43:25

Ignore because you cannot please everybody and to think that everyone knows what goes on behind the scenes (planning, etc etc) and appreciate your effort is naive.

People still think teachers only work 9-3.

littlebird7 Tue 19-Sep-17 07:43:41

Also wanted to say that I know mothers like this, and it seems to stem from disappointment in their own child's stunningly average ability.
They blame the school for not recognising their child's super powers. Sadly later on it manifests into pressure and pushy behaviour, in the cases close to me the child then internalises the combination and can lead to self half and low self esteem

Penfold007 Tue 19-Sep-17 07:44:01

So in eight years approximately 240 children have been taught by you and allegedly one parent has made some negative comments. Seems to me like you are doing a good job.
You now know the parent/staff person is a gossip. I'd speak to someone on the SMT about your concerns.

MsAwesomeDragon Tue 19-Sep-17 07:45:44

Ignore it obviously. I've had plenty of parents complaining about me over the 14 years I've been teaching (secondary, so a little different). Once or twice it's been something I've actually done wrong (said something that was taken the wrong way/missed someone out by mistake, nothing malicious), most of the time it's been because the parent has taken their child's word as absolute truth. I was complained about on day 2 this year because I was "picking on" someone, or as I would have it, I told someone off for not doing any work and insisted they stop talking so they could concentrate. Did it annoy me? Yes. Has it stopped me telling that child of again? Not in the slightest. Has it affected how I behave in school at all? Nope.

DelphiniumBlue Tue 19-Sep-17 07:46:18

Well, the person who reported all that back to you wasn't being very thoughtful, were they?
Is the point that little Johnny isn't achieving as highly as they could? If the parent thinks he/she is underachieving, they could be right, they have known the child much longer than you, it's only a few weeks into term.
Try not to get too upset, you don't know if this is all true, and you can bet that even if it is, the parent doesn't understand the education system ( eg that topics in maths are repeated frequently, but in more depth each time).

FlaviaAlbia Tue 19-Sep-17 07:47:51

I wouldn't be offended because you know she's wrong and your results show it.

But someone who works at the school has said this to a parent? I'm not a teacher but that sounds inappropriate so I would raise it with your line manager / whatever the right term is for teaching.

Ellisandra Tue 19-Sep-17 07:49:56

I think after 8 years of teaching you should know to hmm at her comment, so yes - definitely think about resilience. It's an irritation for sure, but OTT to worry about her gossiping and ruining your reputation.

RedSkyAtNight Tue 19-Sep-17 07:50:42

I'm wondering if the parent is about to move her child to private school, feels she might get stick for it , and is getting her "reasons" in early.

ChocoholicsAnonymous Tue 19-Sep-17 07:52:09

Ignore. Rise above it. Your record speaks for itself. There is always going to be one isn't there. It's what the majority think that matters

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