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To be upset by this email from sports coach?

(156 Posts)
Hayesking Mon 18-Sep-17 07:07:37

Dd is 11 and captain of a local football team. It's her first season playing and they are in a tough league playing against boys and basically losing every match they play. She got a lot of stick when they made her captain as she was new to the club

At the weekend she didn't play very well, was tired and not feeling well. The coach was cross with her at half time and she cried blush not hugely but was clearly upset.

Last night he sent me an email saying if she does it again he will take the captaincy away from her.

AIBU to think fucking hell they are 11??

Gorgosparta Mon 18-Sep-17 07:11:41

Hmm. Difficult one, because captain is alot if responsibility. Why was she made captain when she just joined?

Sounds like the season hasnt gone well and she is struggling. While its a team sport captains are expected to have more responsibility and therefore get more blame. Also sounds like she is stuggling with the pressure?

That said he sounds awful to make her cry
What did he say?

It soubds like a real mess.

DressedCrab Mon 18-Sep-17 07:11:44

Good grief. I'd take her out and find a team where the coach knows it's only a game and you don't bully 11 year old kids.

GlacindaTheTroll Mon 18-Sep-17 07:12:06

Does what again? Play below her standard?

Because unless the coach knows she was coming down with something, all he has seen is poor performance, and he has issues a warning about it.

It's a competitive squad playing in a competitive league. If you do not want competition stress for your DD, then find a different style of club.

Or if she likes it there, email back and simply say "It turns out that she was coming down with (type of illness) and should be back to normal by next weekend." Possibly adding "what aspects of her game are best at the moment, and what do you think she should focus innto improve?"

FenceSitter01 Mon 18-Sep-17 07:13:24

A captain has to inspire and be a leader. Children can do that at 11 and much younger. She needs to step up and pull her team together.

It's been so long since mine were playing football, what age do the girls have to split out? Our team had devolved long before secondary age. At 11 they physical difference between boys and girls is evident. In my opinion (which is worth jack shit) she shouldn't be playing against boys any longer, its a rough game and the gender differences come into play - she isn't as strong and fast and will get hurt.

>tin hat<

Northernparent68 Mon 18-Sep-17 07:16:01

I can see why you re annoyed but I can see why the coach said he'd make another player captain. maybe it's too much for her, perhaps she should play in a Lower league.

GlacindaTheTroll Mon 18-Sep-17 07:16:55

If she's only just 11 and still in primary, then mixed teams/leagues are fairly common.

Last year (I think) FA opened up all competitions up to and included U12 as mixed.

I'm not so sure that was the right call once the DC are at secondary.

Plop5 Mon 18-Sep-17 07:21:09

She has to be good to be captain but illness is normal.

I'd tell your DD she has to work very hard to stay as captain and help her have the right attitude/effort level

Hayesking Mon 18-Sep-17 07:22:14

Oh I agree they shouldn't really be playing against boys! But the league is mixed and they are the only girls team in it!

SavoyCabbage Mon 18-Sep-17 07:23:34

It seems a bit much for her to be captain when she's only just started.

There needs to be a better system for deciding who us captain as the one they have isn't working as your dd is out of her depth and that is the coaches fault. He should be supporting and encouraging her as a new player. Not expecting her to support others.

Gorgosparta Mon 18-Sep-17 07:24:34

Is it the only league?

If you agree they shouldnt be playing boys, why are they playing boys? I assume no girls league locally?

Happydoingitjusttheonce Mon 18-Sep-17 07:25:35

Your daughter may not be mentally tough enough for Captain. I know my lad isn't suited to captaincy in team games. I'd work this out with her quickly because you don't want her falling out of love with the game over this.

JemimaMuddledUp Mon 18-Sep-17 07:25:42

I have an 11yo football playing DD too, although she plays for a mixed team (for mixed read she is the only girl on the team). They don't have a fixed captain though, they take it in turns so that they all get experience of the role.

I would agree with the coach that crying at half time isn't the kind of inspiring behaviour you'd expect from a captain. But the email was OTT. I think at this age they are better off rotating the role anyway, 11 is a bit young for all of the responsibility to be on one person's shoulders.

GlacindaTheTroll Mon 18-Sep-17 07:26:23

"Oh I agree they shouldn't really be playing against boys! But the league is mixed and they are the only girls team in it!"

Presumably she's playing at an RTC, then? Does she want to continue on an elite development path?

sandgrown Mon 18-Sep-17 07:30:33

Whilst I agree with a bit of healthy competition it's a game and playing should be enjoyable. Every week I see coaches who think they are flipping Jose Mourhino! Tell your daughter to step down as captain and just enjoy her game.

Dystopiandreaming Mon 18-Sep-17 07:33:23

What is it she shouldn't do again, specifically?

Gincision Mon 18-Sep-17 07:34:16

Well I think the coach was way ott. It's a GAME and that kind of attitude is hardly going to inspire her to keep going is it?

I have 2 sons who play at U10 and u12. For what it's worth, the girls they end up paying against (in mixed teams) are without exception way tougher and technically better than the boys.

Hope she sticks at it op. But might be better to find a team where the coach isn't a twat if this is repeated

christinarossetti Mon 18-Sep-17 07:37:08

Being the only all girl team in a league sounds tough enough.

Is she enjoying being captain with all its stresses and expectations, or would she prefer to step down and just enjoy the game?

SavoyCabbage Mon 18-Sep-17 07:38:06

There are boys in some of the teams in my dd's U12 league too. Even though it's a girls league. It's nine a side and the team she played on Saturday had three boys in it.

NotBadConsidering Mon 18-Sep-17 07:40:09

This is why teenagers, and girls in particular give up sport. Competitive league or not, that is no way to treat an 11 year old, either with a half time bawling out or follow up threats in an email. People like that shouldn't be allowed to coach children.

Hayesking Mon 18-Sep-17 07:40:29

I'm not sure whetehr to tell her or not. I agree she needs to step up but this seems harsh.

It was a bit stupid to make her captain I agree.

Hayesking Mon 18-Sep-17 07:40:39

I'm not sure whetehr to tell her or not. I agree she needs to step up but this seems harsh.

It was a bit stupid to make her captain I agree.

Niccelia Mon 18-Sep-17 07:41:58

She shouldn't be crying.

Hayesking Mon 18-Sep-17 07:42:24

Sorry phone double posting everything sad

crazycatlady5 Mon 18-Sep-17 07:46:06

I think it's utterly ridiculous for the coach to behave this way. 11 years old?! Hardly instilling confidence in a child is it. He needs to help her improve, not threaten her. Not very good coach behaviour to make a child cry 😳 I'd be furious to be honest.

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