Cropped out of best friends group photo - AIBU to be hurt?(117 Posts)
I'm probably going to be found out if any of my friends are on this site but here goes...
I am part of a group of 4 friends who've know each other for many many years (since school/college and we're now approaching 40).
I've always known that the other three are closer and it's never really bothered me too much, except on a couple of occasions when they were getting together and I only got an invite at very short notice. Too short notice to be able to arrange to attend. This bothered me at the time (it's happened 2 or 3 times) precisely because we usually make arrangements at least a few days in advance to make sure everyone can attend with work and childcare to arrange, etc, and I got the invite at such short notice I couldn't go, even though I am almost certain the meeting would have been arranged days in advance so the others could all make it. I put it down to being forgotten about, but it hurt. I didn't make an issue at these times but once I did say that had I been given notice at the time it was arranged I would have been able to make it. Met with silence.
Anyhow, I've been a bit off the social scene for a while due to being pregnant and breastfeeding (sometimes both at same time) for the last couple of years, but we still are regularly in touch on WhatsApp, via text and meeting up at each other's houses or going for lunch where I could bring baby along for feeds, etc. They went out in evenings drinking (not particularly often as they're all busy girls too) and I never minded missing out on the boozy do's really.
DC2 is now 1 and weaned and I'm making it back out for nights out. A recent special night out took place as one of the group has in the last year emigrated abroad. She was back in the U.K. and this special night out for the four of us plus husbands was arranged and it was fab. Really enjoyed it. We posed for photos all the four girls together.
Now it's one of the girls birthday coming up. I texted another of the group to send me some photos of us all on our night out so I can have one printed and framed specially for the birthday girl and offered to get a copy printed for her as well. She knew what I wanted the photos for. She sent a few pics to me but the last one was a group shot of all of us that had been cropped so I was not in it. It was just the three of them, blown up and angled so I was completely cropped out of it.
Now I know they're closer and I'm fine with that but I'm rejoining the nights out part of our socialising and now feel like I'm not regarded as one of the group. Not sure what this means but I am aware that they see themselves as the real deal and me as a bit of a spare part.
This re-enforces my slightly hurt feelings about being forgotten to be invited to daytime get togethers in the past. Aibu to feel really hurt??
YANBU. I'd be very hurt. Can you just stop socialising with them?
Well, that's pretty rude and a bit of a message from that friend. I wouldn't necessarily apply it to the others, but wow.
Text her back and ask if she can send you a copy of the original photo as she's cropped you out of the one she sent.
no point in you sending that photo, gosh, i would be so hurt. I would ask what about the one I am in
You need to ask them why you were cropped out - text her and ask her straight up
Hmm I'd ask why you were cropped out and ask for the original. Maybe it was a really unflattering photo of you chewing or yawning or something?! If it's just cropped for the sake of getting rid of you I'd take a big step back. 💐
This is really unpleasant. I would ask bluntly, 'that's very strange. I've been cropped out. Can you explain that please?' and wait and see them answer, bluntly.
They aren't your friends. There are better ways to treat you. Shameful behaviour from adults that should know better. It's just basic decency. I am sorry that you've experienced this.
Easyonthetonic: She sent a selection of pics, including the original photo with all four of us posing together and the blown up cropped one with me cut out. 😔
Pinkyredrose: these are my best friends. They've known me the longest time know everything about me. I know they're closer but one of them is my longest time friend and who I probably consider my very best friend. (It wasn't her that did the cropping, but she is the birthday girl).
I do have other friends but mostly mum friends I've made since having my first DC. I am trying to build up new friendships since having the babies but these three girls were my total best mates. I'd tell them anything and thought it didn't matter to much if I'd been out of the loop for a bit while I had the babies feeding or was pregnant. They said it didn't matter. They sometimes go ages without seeing/speaking to each other too. It's that kind of thing where when we get together it just picks up again or so I thought.
I know this girl can be a bit insensitive at times and the other two would not have done this even though we all do know they are closer as a three.
When I mentioned being cropped out I made a joke about it improving the photo with me being cropped out of it, lol, and she just backtracked and said "no we definitely need one with you in. We're the awesome foursome!" But then why did she crop me out of what was the best photo of us all, then send me both versions, uncropped and cropped???
I am reading a lot into this I know. I have exited our group chat on WhatsApp because I'm so hurt but I know that is petty of me really. I'm fed up pretending we're a group of friends when I know it's them and me. Incidentally it's my closest friend (the birthday girl) who previously forgot to invite me along to daytime meet ups till the last minute, so I do think they all feel like I am not really in the squad.
God I feel like I'm back in the playground 😅
I'd ask and make her squirm. That's so rude I would never dare !
Or use another photo, or crop her out of another one I am pretty petty sometimes though...
it does feel like the playground. grin and bear it op.
I don't really have any advice but I'm sorry, that is very hurtful
To be honest, it's a bit odd to ask for someone else's photo to frame for your friend. Perhaps they were planning on doing the same but felt they couldn't say so without looking like they had 'stolen' your idea so went a bit PA instead.
DoJo: I had asked her because I changed my phone recently and all my photos are on my old phone with no SIM card in it, so I explained this to her and asked if she would quickly text me over her copies, as I was going to the photo printers that morning to print out some pics for DC1's homework so thought I'd do this for birthday girl while I was at it.
Then she sent two versions of the same photo - one with me in and one with me cropped out. We were all smiling and looking at the camera it was a lovely photo of us all. No obvious need to crop me out. I've examined it carefully. It's exactly the same pic only with me cropped out, no mistaking.
I feel for you OP, it does feel like being back in the playground. I've had this except its three of us not four. You know when you're the spare part, its the in jokes you're not part of and when they discuss things you don't have a clue about because they meet up without you. The only advice I can give you is to accept and acknowledge that you are the spare part and see them on your terms. I now don't make a huge effort to plan my life around them with work and kids because I know I'm not important to them. I see them if I'm free only, I don't a lot of emotional input anymore. It is hard though and its not been easy to accept, but it hurts less now I see it that way. I found I didn't want to lose contact completely because we go back so far, I guess you feel the same?
Maybe the cropped one is from Instagram? Is it a square photo and she wanted to have all of herself in the photo not thinking who else was in it? Just trying to think of reasons.
Yanbu. I'd distance myself if I were you. The fact that they are all so close but you not so much speaks quite loud volumes. I have 5 best friends but they don't know each other and we each have our own sort of relationship. I know they have other friends but this is exactly why I only have a large group of acquaintances and not a large group of 'best friends' iyswim?
No need for this sort of shit. Is there one in particular you'd consider yourself close to?
And don't bother asking why you were cropped out. She'll only fob you off with some sort of random reason that she was doing it for social media or didn't mean it or whatever. Let sleeping dogs lie.
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