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To be annoyed

(102 Posts)
BikerBabe1 Wed 13-Sep-17 15:02:26

MIL came to my house to look after 3.5 yr old twin DD & DS whilst I was at work an extra day today for training.

I got home at 2pm to discover she has washed all the pots that were left and she's tidied up. There was not a lot of pots and basically I've been working flat out as well as being unwell so I've just not had a spare minute but it makes me feel like she thinks we're scrubbers when she does that. (Btw you should see their house which is filthy!)

I'm so annoyed, firstly because she doesn't wash up well at all, there's always dirt on stuff. Secondly she has had to move some private papers to 'tidy up' and it's not tidying is it, it's basically moving things that I hadn't had chance to file away to a safe place to a new place that I don't know where they are.

AIBU to be annoyed?

wonderingsoul Wed 13-Sep-17 15:03:45


She was trying to be helpful

EverythingEverywhere1234 Wed 13-Sep-17 15:05:47

Hm, I think YABU. I think she was just trying to help.

lookingbeyond40 Wed 13-Sep-17 15:07:38

She was trying to be helpful and kind. YABU

GodIsDead Wed 13-Sep-17 15:08:00

There must be a backstory here. No one gets that angry over a few washed pots. hmm

TinyTumble Wed 13-Sep-17 15:10:03

God, I wish my MiL would be interested or involved enough to a. Babysit or b. Tidy up, even if she didn't do it to my standards.

AtHomeDadGlos Wed 13-Sep-17 15:11:41

Why not just say 'thanks'?

AtHomeDadGlos Wed 13-Sep-17 15:12:05

And yes, of course YABU to be upset about it.

BikerBabe1 Wed 13-Sep-17 15:14:01

No real backstory other than in laws interfere a lot and always think they know better.
It annoys me that she thinks I needed her help maintaining my home, I work hard and I get to things when I can, my house is normally pretty spotless.

BikerBabe1 Wed 13-Sep-17 15:14:47

Who goes into someone's home though and starts washing their pots and rifling through their papers?!

shirtyQwerty Wed 13-Sep-17 15:15:05

You're being entirely unreasonable.

Poor MiL.

(I think the correct MN term is ^waiting for the drip feed^)

PigletWasPoohsFriend Wed 13-Sep-17 15:15:33


lucky13thirteen Wed 13-Sep-17 15:15:40

To be fair OP this would really annoy me. It doesn't matter that she was trying to be kind. Kindness is about the other person.

DarceyBusselsNose Wed 13-Sep-17 15:16:26

She's just doing you and DH/DP a favour. Saving you a job when you get in.

Tell her shes a cow and go NC hmm

XJerseyGirlX Wed 13-Sep-17 15:16:54

YABU, she was trying to help
My ex MIL once announced that she had mopped my floor for me. She hadn't swept or hovered it first and just mopped all the dirt into the corners. I thanked her and smiled .. being quietly miffed that she hadn't done it to my standards but knowing she meant well.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Wed 13-Sep-17 15:18:02

It annoys me that she thinks I needed her help maintaining my home, I work hard and I get to things when I can, my house is normally pretty spotless.
But you hadn't washed those pots so she helped. What on earth is the matter with you?! There must be more to this, I can't see how else you can take someone washing a pot as a personal attack on the way you run your home confused

user1483808257 Wed 13-Sep-17 15:18:37

Whilst I walked the dog yesterday with DD my stepmum let herself in, hovered, washed up the breakfast dishes and had a tidy up of toys etc. Never been more grateful!

MrsOverTheRoad Wed 13-Sep-17 15:21:17

If you've got someone in your home babysitting, then don't leave private papers near the washing up or dishes?

I wouldn't sit all day in a house with dirty plates etc. They'd smell.

BikerBabe1 Wed 13-Sep-17 15:22:45

EverythingEverywhere it's not helping if I have to redo everything through is it.

I can't believe you'd all be ok with people just touching and moving your stuff in your home.

Maybe it's a touch of my OCD, maybe it's the fact I don't get along with my in laws.

MrsOverTheRoad Wed 13-Sep-17 15:24:01

And you sound fearful of being judged....commenting meanly on MIL"s house when she's kind enough to babysit and wash up?

EdmundCleverClogs Wed 13-Sep-17 15:26:16

The washing up, yabu. Yes it's annoying when not done as you would, but it wasn't even that many of anything needed redoing if needs be.

The important papers I agree with though. Had this done as well, and I don't like other people moving around important (possible sensitive and confidential) bits of paper around. That's not helpful in the least and I'd actually say it's a bit rude (possibly nosey).

snackarella Wed 13-Sep-17 15:26:28

Where did she find the time??

SadGuru Wed 13-Sep-17 15:27:03

What does "a touch of OCD" even mean?

slbhill42 Wed 13-Sep-17 15:27:08

It annoys me that she thinks I needed her help maintaining my home

but you are happy to accept her help with childcare? Seems a bit inconsistent to me. If I don't like someone (you evidently don't like her to be this bothered) I'd rather take their help with housework than looking after and influencing my kids.

If you have stuff (papers) you don't want her to see then you need to put them away before she comes.

So many people complain that when someone looks after their kids (commonly DH but not always) they only look after the kids and don't do anything else like washing pots... I think they'd gladly swap with you :-D

Foxyloxy1plus1 Wed 13-Sep-17 15:27:53

You don't get on with your in laws, but you're happy to use your MiL as an unpaid babysitter when it suits you. 3.5 year old twins too -.not easy.

I think you are vvvvu.

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