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Was I being unreasonable to have asked her to be quiet?

(108 Posts)
Loudgirlonatrain Wed 13-Sep-17 08:12:26

Namechanged as I told my dh about this and I don't want him finding my other posts!

I was on a train journey yesterday and it's a rare opportunity without kids so it sounds a bit stupid but I was SO looking forward to reading my book!

When I got on the carriage the first thing I heard was a woman talking to someone across the aisle. In fairness to her she wasn't shouting as such but she had an incredibly loud voice. One of those really ringing, carrying ones. I sat right in the middle of the carriage and she was at the end near the doors. Even so, it was as as if she was right next to me. I heard every detail about how rude people in London were, her degree and the stress of applying for jobs, how nice it was to chat on these long journeys. Several people were rolling their eyes a bit.

In the end I went to her and asked really quietly "look, d'you mind keeping it down a bit ?" She looked really shocked and she did speak quieter for the rest of the journey. I could still hear her in fact but it wasn't quite as 'commanding.'

Having written it like that I don't think I was unreasonable but I felt rotten at the time as I went from wanting to kill her to wanting to apologise to her !

peachandplum Wed 13-Sep-17 08:13:32


DonkeyPunch88 Wed 13-Sep-17 08:14:48

No I don't think you were BU. I just wish I had the balls to be able to do that sometimes!

Loudgirlonatrain Wed 13-Sep-17 08:18:25

Donkey I only had the balls because I could see the people around me were fed up as well. It was like one of my kids in the nativity play when the teacher urges them to "speak UP so the little old ladies in the back row can hear you hmm"

If I hadn't known better I'd have thought drama student but as it is I know what she studied and where and her plans for next year ...

Lethaldrizzle Wed 13-Sep-17 08:18:50

Of course you're being unreasonable. People are allowed to have a conversation no matter how annoying you find their voice!

heresn0ddy Wed 13-Sep-17 08:19:00


Most people would seethe quietly but be too polite to say something.

Some people do need telling to quieten down, or to the fuck up all together sometimes, and that the entire world doesn't want to hear their big gobssmile

Artistic Wed 13-Sep-17 08:20:19

Most people on the phone don't seem to realise how loud (and annoying) they sound. If said nicely no harm done. Infact I usually add a smile too so that it's difficult to take offence! grin

peachandplum Wed 13-Sep-17 08:20:54

People have the right to have a conversation but not at the expense of everyone around them @lethal.

Your attitude is gross.

Loudgirlonatrain Wed 13-Sep-17 08:22:22

It was the volume not the voice per se I objected to!

At no point did I say "You cannot speak!"

Trills Wed 13-Sep-17 08:23:08

I often wear headphones on trains even when I'm not listening to anything for this reason.

"Do you mind keeping it down a bit" sounds fine to me.

DarceyBusselsNose Wed 13-Sep-17 08:23:25

If she'd been slightly hearing impaired, as is my son, she may not ralise how loud her voice is.

I don'tthink I'd have been as rude as you though, I'd have been terribly British about the whole thing and huffed and puffed and moved carriage myself.

Lethaldrizzle Wed 13-Sep-17 08:23:42

Whoa there peach, my attitude is gross? Wow that's pretty rude so early in a thread. I just don't mind people talking around me and I can read whatever is going on around me.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Wed 13-Sep-17 08:23:47

I think it's only fair that everyone on public transport is considerate of their fellow passengers; not playing loud music, talking at the top of your voice or playing a trumpet.
You asked her politely to keep the noise down which wasn't an unreasonable request. Don't worry about it smile

KityGlitr Wed 13-Sep-17 08:25:20

Good for you! She probably didn't realise how loud she was being. Once I had been given a seat in the quiet coach but didn't realise, was sat in a table of four and an hour into the journey a friend rang and I spoke to them on the phone for maybe thirty seconds (I think phone convos in trains are pretty rude to others in the main coach area), when I hung up the lady opposite me pointed at the no mobiles sign and said no unpleasantly 'you're not supposed to use phones in here'. I felt a bit foolish as this was in front of everyone and it felt a bit like being told off by a teacher (I look very young and she was a very well spoken lady a bit older) but was glad she told me as I wouldn't have done that if I'd known. My embarrassment soon disappeared smile

RaspberryOverload Wed 13-Sep-17 08:27:44

Lethaldrizzle The OP describes someone who is very loud. I certainly would ahve done the same. I don't object to conversations, but they should be at a volume that is considerate for other people.

Loudgirlonatrain Wed 13-Sep-17 08:30:36

Darcy honestly, it's very difficult to explain but it wasn't the sort of shouty loudness you sometimes get amongst the hearing impaired which is different. My dad was going a bit deaf and sometimes used to shout a bit so I sympathise.

It was a projected voice, rather than a loud voice, if that makes sense. I honestly wasn't rude to her but I really wanted to read my book and I couldn't as her voice was ringing out.

allegretto Wed 13-Sep-17 08:34:42

I think I had a meal in the same restaurant as her last month. We could hardly hear ourselves speak - she also didn't let her friend speak. Yanbu!

PerfumeIsAMessage Wed 13-Sep-17 08:34:46

Well, yes, you were being U. You can't tell people off for talking.

(but I wish I had the guts to do it!)

Lethaldrizzle Wed 13-Sep-17 08:35:39

To be fair she sounds proper annoying but I still wouldn't have said anything. Electronic gadgets on the other hand, I'm in like flynn!

Loudgirlonatrain Wed 13-Sep-17 08:35:47

Argh, i wasn't telling her off for talking !

Ttbb Wed 13-Sep-17 08:38:48

No, YWNBU. She was incredibly rude and selfish, there was absolutely no need to be any more polite than you already were. That said, next time just sit in the silent carriage if you want to read.

KimmySchmidt1 Wed 13-Sep-17 08:40:28

no - it sounds like she had no idea she has a voice like a bloody foghorn and was probably glad to be warned that everything she was saying could be heard by the whole carriage!

I was in a specificed quiet carriage once and a bunch of babyboomers were shouting and laughing - i said this is the quiet carriage could they turn the vol down a bit and they refused and said "its only for mobiles" - how can it make a difference whether you are shouting into a black box or not!!??! I could tell they thought that because they were old it couldn't possibly be right that they were doing something wrong or being unreasonable or yobby but they were. Just wrinkled yobs. Absolute ignorant pigs.

PS she is right, London people are rude. We have much tighter rules on public transport etiquette because we use it so much that the alternative is mass murder and chaos.

PerUnaStubbs Wed 13-Sep-17 08:41:59

YANBU. Fair enough, people can have a conversation on a train, but not to the point where no one else can hear themselves think.

Ilikehappy Wed 13-Sep-17 08:44:18

You weren't being unreasonable, as it wouldn't hurt her to be a bit quieter. But you can't expect her to like it. But does it matter to you if she likes it?

kateandme Wed 13-Sep-17 08:47:14

id go on how others were around you.dio you get the feeling they too were finding her voice too loud and couldn't say anything themselves.did they look relieved after?
id be devastated if someone did this to me! id like to think my voice wasn't loud.but now I'm thinking oh god what if my voice grates on people and I don't no it!

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