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AIBU non-Birthday girl has hijacked my night out

(145 Posts)
Shestolethewitchesredshoes Tue 12-Sep-17 22:44:32

So this is a milestone celebration for me. Last month, a few of the girls and I were chatting. I said how long it's been since I've been able to just go for come cocktails and a dance. The girls arranged with all of the women to come out for drinks on my birthday. It was official for an email to be sent out, a show of hands, a generalised idea of where and when was planned.

I was excited and really pleased. I bought a new red dress and have made plans for hubby to stay home with the kids (he offered to cancel a works leaving do so that I could go!). Anyway, job done. Then I go on annual leave for two weeks.
I came back today and lo and behold. The birthday night out has been cancelled in favour of going out for another persons birthday the following month. To say I'm a little disappointed is an understatement. I was really looking forward to it. I suggested we share the night - she flat out refused!

To make matters worse, she's been harping on all day about how this is her last year before she turns that milestone to really celebrate. It's adding insult to injury.

I know it's all petty stuff so I can't really justify starting an office war but I'm pissed off. Since when did she get to change the plans in favour of her own? Why didn't anyone ask if I minded?

What do I do now?

Nettletheelf Tue 12-Sep-17 22:47:12


I'd identify the most sympathetic of your colleagues and ask them what really happened. It does feel weird. Is the hijacker a prima donna?

I'd be gently telling the nicer colleagues that I was upset about my birthday night out being cancelled.

Nomoresunshine Tue 12-Sep-17 22:47:55

Have a special night out with dh. . sounds like she is envious of you.
And a bitch also.
And your friends are spineless for going along with her.
Maybe your big birthday is the time for a mate overhaul too.

Nettletheelf Tue 12-Sep-17 22:47:56

Refusing to share the night out is really crap.

BlueSuffragette Tue 12-Sep-17 22:49:03

Get someone to mind the kids or have them overnight, put your new red dress on go out with H have plenty of cocktails, dance together then shag his brains out and prove to yourself you are still alive and never too old, significant birthday or not!

Subtlecheese Tue 12-Sep-17 22:49:14

Girls? Really? There's no need for that. There's also no need for them to have changed all the plans without letting you know.
Grab a friend. Have a fun night out and stop socialising with your colleagues.

QueenMortificado Tue 12-Sep-17 22:49:25

Can't you organise your own birthday party on that night and invite everyone apart from this woman?

Moanyoldcow Tue 12-Sep-17 22:50:20

I'd say to some of your closer colleagues that you're quite upset about the change and ask why her birthday takes precedence.

I wouldn't make it a massive deal but I'd have to say something or it would eat away at me.

volovont Tue 12-Sep-17 22:52:18

The girls are not your friends.

ChasedByBees Tue 12-Sep-17 22:53:16

That is rude. You need to say something.

smellybeanpole Tue 12-Sep-17 22:55:33

Hold on. She knew you had your birthday planned on that day and everyone was on board. But this other woman decided to cancel it ? Who is she to cancel YOUR birthday celebration!!
I would plan another party and not invite her.

FizzyGreenWater Tue 12-Sep-17 22:55:41

Laxatives in the office coffee the Friday afternoon before the Bitch Birthday Bash


EamonnWright Tue 12-Sep-17 22:56:39

The colleagues who happily went along with her are as guilty as she is.

CorbynsBumFlannel Tue 12-Sep-17 22:56:47

Hijacker isn't the problem here. It's your friends who have all let you down. Is there anyone you can go out with on the night you planned? Neighbour, relative, friend outside of work? Those colleagues are not your friends.

Shestolethewitchesredshoes Tue 12-Sep-17 22:57:37

We spend 40hours + a week together and generally get on sell, so I'd like to think to them all as friends.

This particular person can be a little loud and attention seeking. I've always though she was harmless enough.

I'm hoping it's a case of out of sight, out of mind rather than a snakey manoeuvre (even though it feels like one).

I don't want to ask anyone as I don't want to start any gossiping or bitchyness. Though I'm not above a little passive aggressiveness.

I'm thinking I go, where my red dress, not write in the card or chip in for her drinks/meal/present/cab fare?

ForagingForFaerieGold Tue 12-Sep-17 22:57:55

This is horrible and really pretty cruel and petty. I'm always at a loss when people behave like this. And I've been kicking around a few years now. I still don't get it. I never will. I'm so sorry this happened. I'm actually raging on your behalf. All I can say is these people are not worth bothering with. Rise above it. You deserve better. xx

Fishface77 Tue 12-Sep-17 22:58:20

Erm I wouldn't let it lie!
If ask why it's been cancelled! I'd reorganise it sharpish.

Sisinisawa Tue 12-Sep-17 22:58:57

I'd email round and resurrect your night out. Why can't you all go out twice in two months? There's no need for your night to be cancelled.

Shestolethewitchesredshoes Tue 12-Sep-17 22:58:59

I like the laxative idea. Though the men tend to get to any free drinks/food first so this could end up triggering a 'men in the office using the women's loos' thread..

Venusflytwat Tue 12-Sep-17 22:59:06

I like you Fizzy 😂

tigercub50 Tue 12-Sep-17 23:03:07

That's awful but why cancel it? Why not still have yours & hers? Seems a bit odd unless everyone has limited funds or something

QueenMortificado Tue 12-Sep-17 23:03:10

I don't want to ask anyone as I don't want to start any gossiping or bitchyness. Though I'm not above a little passive aggressiveness.

Just.... why?? These women are your friends. Why not just talk to them?!

Why bother being passive aggressive. Life is too fucking short.

smellybeanpole Tue 12-Sep-17 23:04:06

OP you sound very nice and maybe a little niave. So I'm thinking maybe that's why these people didn't give you Second thought when this other woman said Shes having a Birthday on this day and absolutely no one said. Oh hold up we can't. it's shestolethewithchesrwdshoes party that day!
You don't need to start anything but ask why everyone has decided to abandon your day in favour of hers.

coffeekittens Tue 12-Sep-17 23:10:20

Ask your colleagues why this has happened, judging by your post they're just colleagues not your friends. I thought my colleagues were friends until it came to me leaving the place, 20% were/are friends.

I'd have your special night with DH, can still do cocktails and dancing with him, then have amazing drunk sex .

Just sign 'happy birthday from shestole' in the card, don't chip in for a gift and of course not attending the birthday night out.

PA is fun but leads to a long tern bitch fest IMO, best to be honest about how you feel.

ForagingForFaerieGold Tue 12-Sep-17 23:16:54

Agree with QueenMortificado. It's not "bitchy" to ask what happened and express that you're hurt. And if you think it will lead to bitchy gossip from them, well... that says it all really.

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