To have finally had enough of this shit?(236 Posts)
Posting under a name change just in case. But I have finally had enough of my sister and her children and my mum.
In short, they are allowed to do what they like. If they don't they whine. It is so totally scripted. They ask for something. Any hint of a no gets a long whine or a grizzle until they get given what they want.
My mum dealt with us as children that no meant no and that is it. But her "cute" grand-kids are allowed the most appalling behaviour for no reason.
A huge bugbear of mine is respect for my property which is never shown. I have banned them as being guests in my home as my sisters children are in my bedroom, my study, my bathroom cupboards, my fridge, my food cupboards, the lot. They take what they want. One of them took, stood on and damaged the screen of my tablet in my study. My sister sits and watches it and when I finally deal with them myself and shout at the children to stop what they are doing in my home, she sternly tells me not to be mean to them and she will deal them...but she doesn't. So I banned her from coming to my house but I still get it at hers and on family gatherings at my parents.
The little one in particular (they are 3 and 5) is particularly disrespectful of my things. My phone is a target for him and he has been trying to get it for about a year. He knows I wont let him have it and he tries everything to get it. He sits next to me when I need to use my phone, asks what I am doing, are you playing games, I want to play, etc. I just ignore him and put it away when I've finished.
But what drives me crazy is a few times I have caught him taking my handbag and going into it for my phone. The screen is passcode locked so he wouldnt be able to use it but he may break it. I have gone as far as putting my bag high on a shelf and they have climbed on chairs to try and get it. So it isn't me being careless. At 3.5 and nearly 6 they are old enough to understand they are not allowed my handbag and to respect that. They aren't babies.
There are also prescription drugs in my handbag. They are in foil blisters so not in child proof bottles. I need to take them during the day so they need to be in my bag. I finally let rip at my sister last time I caught the 3 year old with my bag and said to teach her children to keep out of my handbag and respect peoples property. She said they were doing no harm. I said there are prescription drugs in there and would she like to risk a hospital trip just because her kids wont leave my bag alone. My sister actually said I shouldn't carry my pills in my bag.......!
So I am not supposed to carry my pills that I need during the day in my own bag and I am just supposed to allow them to go in my handbag?
It has got to the point where her children are deliberately goading me every time they see me about this issue.
They see their mother and grandmother letting them do what they like and telling me to give them the things of mine that they want. Their mother tells me in front of them to let them have it and when I say no, they get annoyed. But because their mother tells me in front of them oh let them have it, they see it as a game now I think, seeing when I'll give in.
It is EVERY time I see them. There are certain things of mine they want and they KNOW I will not allow them to have but they try every time as their mother encourages me to hand my stuff over. I have to watch my things like a hawk as I know they dont respect things and will take without asking.
It is a horrible thing to say but I actually now cant stand being around the children. I dont actually want to see them anymore. In a way in it not their fault but their mother won't see sense and their behaviour is terrible.
WIBU to back off and just stop going to see them at all?
I'd do the same as you. I feel sorry for the kids, it's not their fault that nobody will parent them properly but that's not your problem. They sound like horrors, the lot of them.
You've posted about them before, Yes?
Time to have a break from your sister and her kids for a while! Maybe ask your mum to visit you with out them?
Yes I have. But now with being told I shouldnt even carry my needed pills because they can go in my bag, I've had enough.
Paranoid about being identified so keep name changing on posts about this lot.
Horrible children, horrible parenting and grandparenting. Just stay away from them.
You will have lots of people telling you that YABU by the way, and you're a child hater.. but I'd hate them too
your family are bloody atrocious. It sounds like as far as your mum is concerned your sister is Golden Child and you are Scapegoat Child.
If it were me i would ban them from my home. There is a law called Occupiers Liability where if something was to happen in your home because of your sisters v. lazy parenting you would be held responsible.
They should be treating you and your property with respect Theyve proved they cant I would go NC and not allow them in your home.
I find it extremely annoying when parents of small children see no problem with their children going through other people's belongings or handling their phones/tablets. It's just plain rude.
TBH, I'd be around your Sis and her children as little as possible. Is it possible to see your mum and sister (if you want to) without the children present?
If not, do you have any purses or bags that can be locked? I have a couple of bags that have double zippers or straps that I could slip one of those wire-type luggage locks through if I felt the need to do so. Look over your handbags and see if one can be adapted somehow.
Helena I've already banned them from my home.
They go after my handbag when I'm in my mums home or my sisters home.
Don't go to their houses where you are clearly not respected. Don't put yourself in that position.
Gah what a nightmare.
Keep your handbag in the car? Or on your lap?
It's a shame that YOUR relationship with your nieces/nephews is being absolutely ruined by shit parenting. Could you turn that around a little bit? Play with them or colour or something to keep them occupied for at least part of the time so they aren't bored and bee-lining for all the stuff they should not have? Hopefully would also have the positive result of building something of a more positive relationship between you and them.
Fill your bag with loaded mousetraps and let the little sods have their fun.
That will teach them.
Yanbu although I wonder why your sis permits this? Just keep telling the kids off whenever it happens.
Small ruck sack type bag that you can padlock.
Extreme but gratifying when you watch them trying to open it.
Just don't see them. If your sister asks why, tell her plainly.
This sounds horrific and sister is doing a terrible job of parenting
Of course her children should be made to respect other people possessions.
I'd live to suggest you follow a tip often suggested when folk have an issue with neighbourhood cats in their garden - which is to squirt them with a water pistol, but the DC would probably have half/inched it within five minutes!
So just do the token record: stop that. Leave my handbag alone
Just keep repeating.
Maithili any luck your sister will get the message and actually start parenting
Sounds horrendous. It's a bit rich your sister having a go at you for telling them off for what she should be telling them.
As mentioned above I'd give the lot of them a wide berth for a while and get your Mam when she's alone (and not being hypnotised by her 'delightful' grandchildren) and explain your frustrations.
Two ideas: don't see them any more or don't bring anything any more. Can you leave your bag in the car?
It does sound ridiculous.
YANBU. Tell your sister/mother that if they encourage this again you will take your handbag and leave. Then do it. And send your sister a bill for the tablet.
Your sister sounds like a dreadful parent and YANBU not to want to see her and her kids. However, I think you should tell your sister and your mum that you won't see them again until your sister's kids are more respectful of your property.
They sound utterly feral. Poor kids, because it's not their fault, it's your sister's fault. I'd stop seeing them altogether, who needs that shit in their life on a regular basis? Just see your Mum on your own.
You have a good excuse not to see them. Just say you have your pills in your bag which you need to have during the day and you don't want your DNs to get hold of them. So sorry, you can't see them at the moment. <tinkly laugh>
The children aren't horrible. This is just what happens when nobody enforces any discipline. It's your sister you should be pissed off with.
I think you've done the right thing in distancing yourself.
YADNBU, I'd have as little contact as possible until your sister learns to parent them.
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