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To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

(751 Posts)
therealbridgetjones Mon 11-Sep-17 20:54:15

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

TeaAndToast85 Wed 18-Oct-17 23:05:40

I couldn't go out with a bloke who lives with his parents in his 30s. I know that is really judgemental, but I just find it deeply unattractive

MaisyPops Wed 18-Oct-17 22:52:14

Anyone can turn down a date with anyone they like for any reason.

I would turn down a date with someone if their job involved lots of international travel and time away. They may be a very ncie person but I'm not up for that type of relationship.

I'd probably also turn a date down with someone if they were a particularly loyal football supporter. Again, they may be lovely but I'm not up for planning my weekends around matches and away trips and season tickets so it's a no.

wictional Wed 18-Oct-17 22:47:44

I’m in my mid-20s, live with my parents and am still in my Saturday job even with a masters degree. Five years at uni and an MA doesn’t constitute enough experience to get a job in my field apparently, so retail it is while I try and save up to move out.

You’ve helped me understand why i’m still single though OP, thanks.

NewLove Wed 18-Oct-17 22:33:33

@ReallyConvolutedCareerHistory

You killed it...

ReallyConvolutedCareerHistory Thu 14-Sep-17 14:44:20

I think this thread deserves an award for staying strong even after being featured in Daily Mail!

ChorusLine69 Thu 14-Sep-17 13:40:59

No old pony he is not a dullard civil servant as you so politely put it

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 Thu 14-Sep-17 11:39:19

histinyhandsarefrozen I've just been back through the entire thread and out of my numerous comments, only one has been deleted, and it was my second post.

I called someone a cunt for their nasty attitude, that's why it was deleted. And I stand by it; they were being a cunt and they did have a nasty attitude.

squoosh Thu 14-Sep-17 11:37:58

They're rude because they're bitter. They think so highly of themselves yet wonder why they're still single. ?

Oh dear.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 Thu 14-Sep-17 11:33:00

histinyhandsarefrozen Yep, I did write that, and I stand by it. The difference is that mine isn't a personal attack to a specific individual.

And I haven't been back through the thread so I've no idea what may or may not have been deleted.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 14-Sep-17 11:30:49

If it's been deleted then how do you possibly know what was said?

It isn't just nasty stuff that gets deleted either.

histinyhandsarefrozen Thu 14-Sep-17 11:28:55

Upsetting for her? She's been deliberately offensive throughout this entire thread. Nearly every comment from her has been rude and/or nasty.

Aren't you the person who wrote:

They're rude because they're bitter. They think so highly of themselves yet wonder why they're still single. ?

And some other stuff so nasty it got deleted?

confused grin

OldPony Thu 14-Sep-17 10:03:49

'High profile job within the government' aka dullard civil servant.

I can say that I've been there!

ChorusLine69 Thu 14-Sep-17 09:58:46

Be careful not to judge when you don't know much about him. A good friend of mine worked in a shop for many years as he left school without many qualifications. He now has a high profile job within the government as he temped for them a few years ago and was offered a job as they recognised his intelligence and dedication etc so don't assume too much about someone before you meet them

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 Thu 14-Sep-17 09:43:57

I'd probably hide a thread too if a comment I made got taken out of context and got called "disablist" which might be very upsetting for her. We don't know anything about her experiences.

Upsetting for her? She's been deliberately offensive throughout this entire thread. Nearly every comment from her has been rude and/or nasty.

We don't know about her experiences, no, but she doesn't know about ours either. She used housebound as an insult to me, and while I'm not housebound now, I was for many years.

She is an extremely offensive and rude poster, but like others, I haven't reported any of her posts because I want everyone to see what a nasty piece of work she is.

Creambun2 Thu 14-Sep-17 09:18:11

Yanbu unless he is a more senior manager.

guinea36 Thu 14-Sep-17 09:17:37

You don't owe anyone a date!!! Can't believe people are saying you are a snob.
Stick to your guns. Its not the shop work that's an issue - it's the self confessed lack of ambition. Its not outrageous to want someone with a bit of independence and imagination.

fastdaytears Thu 14-Sep-17 08:45:39

No you didn't! You said it was offensive and sarcastic confused which is not an explanation. Disablist really upsets me so I wanted to understand but we're not getting each other.

It's not an issue though- it's clearly just us that care now and I know I have bigger things happening today and I'm sure you do too.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 14-Sep-17 08:43:46

I just wanted you to explain which you can't

Yes I did! You just don't agree. Which is fine.

fastdaytears Thu 14-Sep-17 08:42:40

I'm pretty sure I didn't say you weren't. I just wanted you to explain which you can't, so let's leave it.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 14-Sep-17 08:41:42

We don't know anything about her experiences

Just like they don't know anything about the experiences if those they are responding to in such a manner.

You don't think it's disabilist, I and others do and we are entitled to say so.

fastdaytears Thu 14-Sep-17 08:37:25

No I don't think it does. I'd probably hide a thread too if a comment I made got taken out of context and got called "disablist" which might be very upsetting for her. We don't know anything about her experiences.

How I read it is no different to a conversation like:

- that was the rudest thing I've ever seen
- wow you really need to get out more then

It's a thing people say and has nothing to do with being disabled.

But then I also can't see what was sarcastic so I think we're reading completely different posts

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 14-Sep-17 08:33:54

How can what she said be construed as an insult?

They were deliberately being sarcastic and trying to offend. I also think the fact that they were very active on the thread, then disappeared after that comment speaks volumes.

fastdaytears Thu 14-Sep-17 08:30:53

It was said as an insult

Really? I'm genuinely lost about that. How can what she said be construed as an insult? I've been housebound (and am about to be again but temporarily which I full appreciate does not count) and I don't recognise either of you from other threads so I have no particular reason to feel either way, but I can't make your interpretation work and I'd like to.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 14-Sep-17 08:27:37

Which I guess is why her post is still there. Whereas a genuinely disablist comment would have rightly been removed in a millisecond.

Nope not necessarily. I didn't report it as sometimes I think people should see what rubbish people post, and the type of comments posters come out with.

I found it very offensive. I didn't report it.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 14-Sep-17 08:25:29

I find their comments rude but housebound wasn't a disablist comment

In your opinion though. I and others have found it disabilist.

It was said as an insult.

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