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To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

(751 Posts)
therealbridgetjones Mon 11-Sep-17 20:54:15

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

therealbridgetjones Mon 11-Sep-17 21:09:35

I don't have issues with anyone not owning their own home (as I already live in mine). But I don't find it very attractive that the guy hasn't ever had the independence to move out.

Oysterbabe Mon 11-Sep-17 21:09:51

I wouldn't date someone who lived with their parents.

expatinscotland Mon 11-Sep-17 21:10:26

Your friend is a bit of a git to continually try to foist someone on you whom she knows you wouldn't be compatible with and then call you a snob when you refuse.

UsedtobeFeckless Mon 11-Sep-17 21:10:51

If you don't like the sound of him then don't bother ... Your title makes it sound as if him working in retail was the only reason you needed to say no ... ( l have a first - I work in a shop, I am rather judging you. )

SonicBoomBoom Mon 11-Sep-17 21:10:54

You are being a bit of a snob.

But I wouldn't either, unless there were mitigating circumstances for his not independent and living at home.

You have certain criteria you are looking for in a man and he falls short. You don't have to date anyone you don't want to.

It's not being a gold digger, it's not wanting to carry someone else financially. You don't want his money, you just don't want him to need yours.

expatinscotland Mon 11-Sep-17 21:11:25

You don't need to justify to us or anyone. You're not compatible with someone like this, so don't go out with him.

Anecdoche Mon 11-Sep-17 21:11:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov17 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:11:31

I'd take Peter Kaye any day of the week grin

histinyhandsarefrozen Mon 11-Sep-17 21:11:46

I wouldn't date someone who lived with their parents.

I'm surprised so many would. In his 30's?!?!

I find it a massive ...turn-off.

NotACleverName Mon 11-Sep-17 21:12:07

Since when did working in a shop meant that someone doesn't have ambition? hmm

YABU. And a snob. Sounds as though he's dodged a bullet.

Valentine2 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:12:07

Ha ha ha. This is the funniest post I have read on Mumsnet for a while.
So you won't go out with him because he works at a "shop"? First, you must define "shop". Is it a small corner shop or a big Tesco Extra/Super? Would you go out with him if he was working in the later (such "shop keepers" are paid an exhorbitant amount of money+bonuses to run those shops and it takes incredible amount of energy and stamina to do this sort of work, not to mention the multi tasking)?
Do you know his background? May be he is caring for a parent? May be he is learning programming (some of the best programmers of the world, and the wealthiest ones, are self taught)? May be he is a very nice person with a very nice heart? May be he hasn't got a lot of money or education but may be he is not the kind who break hearts? etc etc etc etc...

SonicBoomBoom Mon 11-Sep-17 21:12:11

She probably thinks you're such a good match because you have a house he can move out of mummy's into.

RonSwansonsMoustache Mon 11-Sep-17 21:12:28

You're not in the wrong for not wanting to date him, OP. It's your choice.

But your OP isn't worded particularly nicely towards shop-workers (of which there are plenty on MN, myself included), or people who live with their parents as adults.

Maybe he works part-time because he's a carer for a parent? Maybe he struggles with his mental health? Maybe he lives at home to keep his mum/dad company and to save himself paying out rent to a landlord?

I fit in all the categories you're deriding him for. I moved back home due to a relationship break-up. I work part-time in a shop because my mental health issues mean I struggle with full-time work on a permanent basis. I'm eternally grateful my partner saw past all that and asked me out anyway!

therealbridgetjones Mon 11-Sep-17 21:12:41

The thread title is probably slightly dramatic. I have worked many years in a shop, as a student. I don't feel like this guy and I are in the same situation.

SuzukiLi Mon 11-Sep-17 21:12:44

Yanbu I wouldn't either.

Bluntness100 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:14:27

Yanbu.

It's fine to want to date someone with similar values as you.

I'd also be put off by this man. I would wish a partner who by his thirties had proven he could live jndeoentantly from his parents and financially and logistically support himself.

StarfishSeahorse Mon 11-Sep-17 21:14:49

My DP works in a shop, he's been there less than a year and has been promoted 3 times already, he's just been promoted again and will be moving to a brand new absolutely massive branch of his chain in November, he will have 10 people under him and will be travelling internationally for his job in the very near future.
But yeah he only works in a shop.

Oblomov17 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:15:07

Whilst doing my BA and my MA I worked in:
Working mans club
Factory stacking youghurt pots into feeder
One-stop

Tries to recall the Shite'est job I had .......

Street sweeper
Old peoples home

I'm sure there's more ...... hmm

SerfTerf Mon 11-Sep-17 21:15:25

The thread title is probably slightly dramatic

Yes it is.

ontherightpath Mon 11-Sep-17 21:16:30

I don't think it's snobby at all. If you don't want to go out with him, then don't, it's worse to string him along when you feel this way about him. You should ignore your friend and keep looking for someone who is similar to you in terms of career, earnings, education etc. stops a lot of problems in the long run.

Escapepeas Mon 11-Sep-17 21:17:18

Actually, I think I can see where the OP is coming from. If she was in a relationship with him and he was working pt and living at home while she was in ft employment, most people on here would tell her to bin him off and call him a cocklodger.

If it doesn't feel right for you, say no and don't give a reason. You are not obliged to go out with him just because he works in retail and people are trying to paint you as a snob if you don't.

Worriedrose Mon 11-Sep-17 21:17:21

Ugh
Goady goady
People in RL don't need to ask fucking mumsnet this type of question.
I'll repeat
Goady

mindutopia Mon 11-Sep-17 21:17:53

No, I wouldn't. I don't think it's about being snobby. It's about seeking out people you have things in common with and compatible life circumstances. There's nothing wrong with working in a shop, as you point out. But frankly, someone who works part-time and lives with his parents in his 30s doesn't sound like too much of a catch. If you've been to university, have long lived independently, have a career you're passionate about (I suspect he isn't passionate about part-time retail work, or at least if he was, he'd be doing it full-time), then you probably don't have a lot in common. I wouldn't go on a blind date with someone who at first glance didn't seem remotely compatible with me. I don't think that makes you snobby. I think it likely makes you realistic.

Raizel Mon 11-Sep-17 21:18:11

YANBU to not want to go on a date with some randomer you have never met.

YABU to judge him simply based on the fact he works in a shop and lives at home with his parents! I'm assuming you don't know his personal circumstances maybe there is a reason he still lives with his parents for example he is simply saving up for a deposit instead of paying out rent although there could be a lot of other reasons. Also maybe it's not lack of ambition maybe he is just happy.

Either way please just don't go on the date with him give both you a break.

Also I was just a shop worker who lived at home when my now wife met me thank god she judged me on the person I am and not just judgements she made without meeting me.

Believe it or not this shelf stacker was just waiting for the right time to get going! I'm now in retail management with my own shop, have my own house and an amazing wife not bad for a shop worker eh?!!!!

TomatoTomAto Mon 11-Sep-17 21:18:32

I have ambitions but unfortunately I'm also a skint lone parent, with no help, so I work in a shop to feed my child. <shockhorror!>

I will probably never be able to afford to realise my ambitions.
Looks like I'll be alone forever because obviously everyone's going to assume I'm a dumb bitch that can't do anything else.

How fucking depressing!

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