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To not go on a date with someone who works in a shop

(751 Posts)
therealbridgetjones Mon 11-Sep-17 20:54:15

A friend of mine is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. I don't know much about him other than he is my age and works in a shop. He lives at home with his parents (early thirties).

I'm in my late twenties. I'm intelligent, have a career, earn above average and have my own house. I've lived away from my parents for about ten years and am completely independent.

I've worked in retail and to be honest it made me work bloody hard at university because I didn't want to end up back there!

My friend seems shocked and calls me snobby because I don't want to go on a date with her friend. She thinks I'm a gold digger but this couldn't be further from the truth! Her argument is that it's about the person and not their ambitions etc but surely this is a part of a person? I'm attracted to intelligence, ambition and independence.

So AIBU to not consider a date with this person?

MonkeyJumping Mon 11-Sep-17 20:55:38

Yes yabu. You don't know enough about him to judge his ambition, intelligence etc.

FenceSitter01 Mon 11-Sep-17 20:56:57

I wouldn't either, not unless his name was Sainsbury

CoffeeAndEnnui Mon 11-Sep-17 20:57:32

You don't need a more valid reason than your own reluctance for you to say no to a date with a stranger.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero Mon 11-Sep-17 20:57:43

YANBU don't go on a date with the poor man. He deserves someone who isn't looking down on him for working.

theSnuffster Mon 11-Sep-17 20:57:52

At least give him a chance!

EnidColeslaw771 Mon 11-Sep-17 20:58:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GurlwiththeCurl Mon 11-Sep-17 20:58:55

I think you are being an outrageous snob, OP. My son has a Masters Degree, is highly intelligent and works in retail. He also lives with us. He is a great young man, but has struggled to get other work for a number of reasons. We are proud that he is prepared to graft hard, get along with his colleagues and often do physical work to help his team. You would be lucky to meet him, IMHO!

But perhaps he would not be so lucky to meet you.

Babymamamama Mon 11-Sep-17 20:59:33

It's up to you. Wouldn't appeal to me. So I can see where you're coming from. Compatibility is very important.,

UsedtobeFeckless Mon 11-Sep-17 20:59:48

You know nothing about him one way or the other. YABU and a bit of a snob to bin him off based on his job alone.

JustHereForThePooStories Mon 11-Sep-17 20:59:50

You can decline dating anyone, for any reason.

Hope you like your username though- sounds like you'll have it for quite a while.

Tapandgo Mon 11-Sep-17 20:59:55

Crikey! What is wrong with working in a shop?

FakePlasticTeaLeaves Mon 11-Sep-17 21:00:01

You've already judged him, so what's the point in wasting the guys time.

MuddyMoose Mon 11-Sep-17 21:00:51

You are ridiculously snobby. You know nothing about this man apart from his job title. As someone who works in retail, I take great offence to your judgemental, small minded opinions of shop workers.

Do this bloke a favour & decline a date.

dudsville Mon 11-Sep-17 21:01:32

You don't have to go out with him. He should go out with someone who respects him. You should look for someone you respect. All this is ok. George Clooney never came calling for me and I got over it!

RememberToSmile1980 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:01:36

I agree that you don't need to go on a date with him if you don't want to. Also moving forward you earn more and are more secure than him. Whether they think you are being a snob or fussy shouldn't matter. It's what you are comfortable with. I wouldn't date him either.

AmyGardner Mon 11-Sep-17 21:01:36

That's kind of sad; why judge someone on so little basis? You could walk in and think he's the one.

That said, if you don't want to go, your friend should back off. She isn't really wrong about the snob thing though...

Percephone Mon 11-Sep-17 21:01:41

Yanbu. I wouldn't either.

greendale17 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:02:00

YANBU- you want someone who has the same ambition as you.

expatinscotland Mon 11-Sep-17 21:02:00

You don't owe anyone a date, for any reason. You don't owe anyone a chance, a date, a phone number. Having your own standards, be they no shop workers, people who live at home, don't drive, have a penis (or a small penis), support Arsenal, etc. does not make you a snob or a bad person. Distance yourself from such 'friends' who don't respect whatever boundaries or standards you set for yourself.

And don't ever go on a date you have to talk yourself into.

YANBU!

histinyhandsarefrozen Mon 11-Sep-17 21:02:13

I wouldn't go on a date with a man who lived permanently with his parents.

I doubt we would have much/anything in common.

NB. This doesn't mean he's a bad person, he just wouldn't be for me.

ShatnersBassoon Mon 11-Sep-17 21:02:14

Is he definitely thick? It's just that your friend seems to think he'd be a good match for you..

EllaElla Mon 11-Sep-17 21:02:31

I get you, but he could be finishing his PhD or working at the shop and writing a bestselling novel at night for all you know at the moment! Even if he wasn't he might surprise you. I'd give it a chance - you can always say no to a second date! In my experience ambition and intelligence isn't always reflected in someone's current situation.

shushpenfold Mon 11-Sep-17 21:02:42

I'm sure YABU but I snorted at Fence's comment!

PigletWasPoohsFriend Mon 11-Sep-17 21:02:44

YANBU don't go on a date with the poor man. He deserves someone who isn't looking down on him for working.

^ this.

He should also think himself lucky to have dodged a date with someone with such snobbish attitudes.

Niamhisnotarealname Mon 11-Sep-17 21:02:48

Well, that's really shallow. I could understand no job putting you off but you really are looking down your nose at him because he works in retail? Maybe he enjoys it. We are all different. Don't bother with the date he deserves someone who likes him regardless.

TheweewitchRoz Mon 11-Sep-17 21:02:51

I'd be put off by the fact he still lives with his parents tbh & is in his 30s.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn Mon 11-Sep-17 21:02:59

He could be the boss!

But YANBU to not want to date him, because you are a terrible snob who seems to think she's a cut above because you are intelligent and don't live at home. Well good for you. Leave him to someone who will judge him for who he is and not what he does.

Also, retail doesn't equal thick or lack of ambition. hmm

EsmeeMerlin Mon 11-Sep-17 21:03:02

I think you are being a real snob. I met my partner in retail and while I no longer work there after graduating uni, he does admitally he is now in management after working his way up. He is one of the most hard working, kindest people I know and it saddens me people would look their nose down on him just because he works in a shop.

Fresh8008 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:03:16

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to date people of a similar status in life to you. It does not make you a snob.

RonSwansonsMoustache Mon 11-Sep-17 21:03:37

You don't have to date anyone you don't want to. It's your life.

But there's nothing wrong with working in a shop in your thirties, or indeed at any age! The world always needs shop workers - look down on him all you like, but if you buy things, you rely on people to work in shops.

You can't use a service while looking down on those who provide it.

SaucyJack Mon 11-Sep-17 21:03:47

The living at home with parents bit would put me off far more TBH.

Subtlecheese Mon 11-Sep-17 21:04:19

Sure. With all that intellect and ambition. Of course that's ok. hmm
Lucky break for him. And at least your friend gets a good look at you as you really are. Hyacinth.

BubbleAnimal Mon 11-Sep-17 21:04:21

Meh, my DP worked in a shop for 15 years.

Well, turns out he was managing a family business, but still, he was working in a shop.

He's one of the kindest, most intelligent, compassionate, and amazing people I've ever met.

Yabu to not even meet the guy.

therealbridgetjones Mon 11-Sep-17 21:04:24

It's not any one factor alone; maybe the title is misleading. I'm not belittling shop workers, I have been there. It's just the combination of living with parents and not being ambitious (my friend admits this) that I don't think is compatible with me.

I don't know how to make her see that this is a reflection of a persons personality.

Terfing Mon 11-Sep-17 21:04:33

Each to their own. There's no point in wasting yours and his time.

therealbridgetjones Mon 11-Sep-17 21:05:40

Also he doesn't work in management. He works part time hours.

Love51 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:05:43

I don't think there is any harm in knowing what you want. You don't owe anyone a date just because you know their friend. It might be different if you met him more organically, ie friend invited you and him to the same party / BBQ etc so you might feel an attraction, but literally all you have to go on is what she told you. I'm not sure what you have against retail, but 'lives with parents' would make me wonder 'in what capacity?'. And just becauseI don't have anything against a particular line of work, it doesn't mean you can't!

CalmanOnSpeeddial Mon 11-Sep-17 21:06:16

Surely if you're going to commit to an evening with him you'd want to know a bit more that that anyway? What was her sales pitch? Just "he's a thirty something heterosexual male who works in retail and lives with his parents?" I'd want some kind of reason why he was a better bet than the next swipee on Tinder, or indeed an M&S ready meal and season 3 of House of Cards on Netflix.

BikeRunSki Mon 11-Sep-17 21:06:28

I'm so glad I went out with someone who works on a shop. He was doing it to fund his MSc. Company director, employs 60 people now, 6 figure salary. Did I mention I married him? - back in the day when we early £23K between us. I married him because he's a lovely chap, and intelligent. Who happened to work in a shop.

histinyhandsarefrozen Mon 11-Sep-17 21:06:47

What kind of shop is it?

I need to know!

Trills Mon 11-Sep-17 21:06:48

You can always turn down a date for any reason you choose.

Any reason at all.

timeforabrewnow Mon 11-Sep-17 21:06:49

grin @ Justherefor

very witty

And yes OP - you are a snob to judge someone on their job. He might be gathering material for his Booker Prize winning novel, or he might be a stand up comic on the side etc etc

Peter Kay had a lot of minimal wage jobs before he became famous (and was living at home with his mam), but I would guess he's quite intelligent -

DaisysStew Mon 11-Sep-17 21:07:34

If you don't want to go out with him that's totally your choice, but to decide that he is unintelligent and unambitious because he works in a shop is snobby. Why couldn't you have just said he's not my type, don't fancy it etc? No need to look down your nose.

histinyhandsarefrozen Mon 11-Sep-17 21:07:41

I wouldn't go out with Peter Kay either.

Primrose06 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:07:49

Clearly you have issues with someone working in retail and also not owning their own home . So as you have prejudged the person leave it. Let them find someone who knows the true meaning of love. (Which is unconditional) and accepts them for who they are .

therealbridgetjones Mon 11-Sep-17 21:08:17

All I know is that he is single and this is his job. He works part time hours and lives at home still. No he isn't studying.

SaucyJack Mon 11-Sep-17 21:08:49

I'd take stupid but sexy over Peter Kay any day of the week.

No offence, like

BroomstickOfLove Mon 11-Sep-17 21:08:53

Fair enough. You should only date people you want to date. But frankly, it sounds as though he's the one who'd be having the lucky escape. And I have to say that the people I know from my last retail job were far more intelligent (and in most cases better-educated)than the ones I knew from my training in one of the professions, and while they weren't necessarily ambitious in terms of placing a high value on income, they tended to be far more creative and entrepreneurial.

rainbowpie Mon 11-Sep-17 21:08:54

YANBU. I wouldn't have gone out with someone who didn't have similar career aspirations to me. DH was a skint student -
we both were - when I met him but he had ambition.

therealbridgetjones Mon 11-Sep-17 21:09:35

I don't have issues with anyone not owning their own home (as I already live in mine). But I don't find it very attractive that the guy hasn't ever had the independence to move out.

Oysterbabe Mon 11-Sep-17 21:09:51

I wouldn't date someone who lived with their parents.

expatinscotland Mon 11-Sep-17 21:10:26

Your friend is a bit of a git to continually try to foist someone on you whom she knows you wouldn't be compatible with and then call you a snob when you refuse.

UsedtobeFeckless Mon 11-Sep-17 21:10:51

If you don't like the sound of him then don't bother ... Your title makes it sound as if him working in retail was the only reason you needed to say no ... ( l have a first - I work in a shop, I am rather judging you. )

SonicBoomBoom Mon 11-Sep-17 21:10:54

You are being a bit of a snob.

But I wouldn't either, unless there were mitigating circumstances for his not independent and living at home.

You have certain criteria you are looking for in a man and he falls short. You don't have to date anyone you don't want to.

It's not being a gold digger, it's not wanting to carry someone else financially. You don't want his money, you just don't want him to need yours.

expatinscotland Mon 11-Sep-17 21:11:25

You don't need to justify to us or anyone. You're not compatible with someone like this, so don't go out with him.

Anecdoche Mon 11-Sep-17 21:11:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov17 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:11:31

I'd take Peter Kaye any day of the week grin

histinyhandsarefrozen Mon 11-Sep-17 21:11:46

I wouldn't date someone who lived with their parents.

I'm surprised so many would. In his 30's?!?!

I find it a massive ...turn-off.

NotACleverName Mon 11-Sep-17 21:12:07

Since when did working in a shop meant that someone doesn't have ambition? hmm

YABU. And a snob. Sounds as though he's dodged a bullet.

Valentine2 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:12:07

Ha ha ha. This is the funniest post I have read on Mumsnet for a while.
So you won't go out with him because he works at a "shop"? First, you must define "shop". Is it a small corner shop or a big Tesco Extra/Super? Would you go out with him if he was working in the later (such "shop keepers" are paid an exhorbitant amount of money+bonuses to run those shops and it takes incredible amount of energy and stamina to do this sort of work, not to mention the multi tasking)?
Do you know his background? May be he is caring for a parent? May be he is learning programming (some of the best programmers of the world, and the wealthiest ones, are self taught)? May be he is a very nice person with a very nice heart? May be he hasn't got a lot of money or education but may be he is not the kind who break hearts? etc etc etc etc...

SonicBoomBoom Mon 11-Sep-17 21:12:11

She probably thinks you're such a good match because you have a house he can move out of mummy's into.

RonSwansonsMoustache Mon 11-Sep-17 21:12:28

You're not in the wrong for not wanting to date him, OP. It's your choice.

But your OP isn't worded particularly nicely towards shop-workers (of which there are plenty on MN, myself included), or people who live with their parents as adults.

Maybe he works part-time because he's a carer for a parent? Maybe he struggles with his mental health? Maybe he lives at home to keep his mum/dad company and to save himself paying out rent to a landlord?

I fit in all the categories you're deriding him for. I moved back home due to a relationship break-up. I work part-time in a shop because my mental health issues mean I struggle with full-time work on a permanent basis. I'm eternally grateful my partner saw past all that and asked me out anyway!

therealbridgetjones Mon 11-Sep-17 21:12:41

The thread title is probably slightly dramatic. I have worked many years in a shop, as a student. I don't feel like this guy and I are in the same situation.

SuzukiLi Mon 11-Sep-17 21:12:44

Yanbu I wouldn't either.

Bluntness100 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:14:27

Yanbu.

It's fine to want to date someone with similar values as you.

I'd also be put off by this man. I would wish a partner who by his thirties had proven he could live jndeoentantly from his parents and financially and logistically support himself.

StarfishSeahorse Mon 11-Sep-17 21:14:49

My DP works in a shop, he's been there less than a year and has been promoted 3 times already, he's just been promoted again and will be moving to a brand new absolutely massive branch of his chain in November, he will have 10 people under him and will be travelling internationally for his job in the very near future.
But yeah he only works in a shop.

Oblomov17 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:15:07

Whilst doing my BA and my MA I worked in:
Working mans club
Factory stacking youghurt pots into feeder
One-stop

Tries to recall the Shite'est job I had .......

Street sweeper
Old peoples home

I'm sure there's more ...... hmm

SerfTerf Mon 11-Sep-17 21:15:25

The thread title is probably slightly dramatic

Yes it is.

ontherightpath Mon 11-Sep-17 21:16:30

I don't think it's snobby at all. If you don't want to go out with him, then don't, it's worse to string him along when you feel this way about him. You should ignore your friend and keep looking for someone who is similar to you in terms of career, earnings, education etc. stops a lot of problems in the long run.

Escapepeas Mon 11-Sep-17 21:17:18

Actually, I think I can see where the OP is coming from. If she was in a relationship with him and he was working pt and living at home while she was in ft employment, most people on here would tell her to bin him off and call him a cocklodger.

If it doesn't feel right for you, say no and don't give a reason. You are not obliged to go out with him just because he works in retail and people are trying to paint you as a snob if you don't.

Worriedrose Mon 11-Sep-17 21:17:21

Ugh
Goady goady
People in RL don't need to ask fucking mumsnet this type of question.
I'll repeat
Goady

mindutopia Mon 11-Sep-17 21:17:53

No, I wouldn't. I don't think it's about being snobby. It's about seeking out people you have things in common with and compatible life circumstances. There's nothing wrong with working in a shop, as you point out. But frankly, someone who works part-time and lives with his parents in his 30s doesn't sound like too much of a catch. If you've been to university, have long lived independently, have a career you're passionate about (I suspect he isn't passionate about part-time retail work, or at least if he was, he'd be doing it full-time), then you probably don't have a lot in common. I wouldn't go on a blind date with someone who at first glance didn't seem remotely compatible with me. I don't think that makes you snobby. I think it likely makes you realistic.

Raizel Mon 11-Sep-17 21:18:11

YANBU to not want to go on a date with some randomer you have never met.

YABU to judge him simply based on the fact he works in a shop and lives at home with his parents! I'm assuming you don't know his personal circumstances maybe there is a reason he still lives with his parents for example he is simply saving up for a deposit instead of paying out rent although there could be a lot of other reasons. Also maybe it's not lack of ambition maybe he is just happy.

Either way please just don't go on the date with him give both you a break.

Also I was just a shop worker who lived at home when my now wife met me thank god she judged me on the person I am and not just judgements she made without meeting me.

Believe it or not this shelf stacker was just waiting for the right time to get going! I'm now in retail management with my own shop, have my own house and an amazing wife not bad for a shop worker eh?!!!!

TomatoTomAto Mon 11-Sep-17 21:18:32

I have ambitions but unfortunately I'm also a skint lone parent, with no help, so I work in a shop to feed my child. <shockhorror!>

I will probably never be able to afford to realise my ambitions.
Looks like I'll be alone forever because obviously everyone's going to assume I'm a dumb bitch that can't do anything else.

How fucking depressing!

BellyDancer124 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:18:46

Hope you like your username though- sounds like you'll have it for quite a while.

Exactly my thoughts hahaha grin

HemanOrSheRa Mon 11-Sep-17 21:18:53

You don't need to justify to us or anyone. You're not compatible with someone like this, so don't go out with him. Absolutely expat.

We need though. What sort of shop? Why is he still living with his parents? Is there a reason? I think a film plot could be made here <hands around popcorn>.

NarleneBieyrich Mon 11-Sep-17 21:19:00

Friend set ups are often a bit "weird" and this sounds like your friend is overinvested in controlling your love life.I mean maybe she could bring eligible mates along to parties "just in case" but this situation seems very pressurised and intense.

You don't need to justify why you don't want to date someone.

I'm an ethnic minority and on match.com often I've seen profiles who set their preferences as "white". It's their preference, it doesn't have to be rational, they don't owe me their penis or a date, they're not members of the ku klax klan for having a preference (funnily enough I did get a fairly conservative chap who'd marked this insist on meeting me and fall terribly in love with me cause obviously I'm hot grintbusmile)

Incidentally, I think whenever women override their instincts in a "give him a chance" way it goes wrong.

Also, speaking as someone who genuinely seriously fancied a LOT of my managers/colleagues when I worked retail, I would say that for serious partner material the shifts/hours are fairly anti social? Last minute overtime /call ins were frequent

Also, there is often little opportunity to go from "junior manager" to "more senior with bloody good wages" level? So you get a lot of guys stuck at the "lots of responsibility with weird anti-social shifts" level with no clear way to get forward/get out?

Gemini69 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:19:07

No Chance OP... don't date this guy flowers

MadameJosephine Mon 11-Sep-17 21:19:17

You say he still lives at home, so has he never lived independently? That would really put me off much more than his job.

NameChanger22 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:20:02

Maybe he's a musician or an artist or an entrepreneur when he's at home. Lots of people working in shops have talents, skills, ambitions and dreams.

You shouldn't go out with anyone you're not interested in, but I think this is a very snobby.

ReinettePompadour Mon 11-Sep-17 21:20:05

You are being a snob and completely unreasonable. You don't even know the chap yet you feel you can judge him. angry

I have a friend who lives at home with his parents in their 8 bedroomed manor house. He has an entire wing to himself and cooks/cleans for his parents to help them out as they're getting on a bit. He also works at the family owned farm shop/deli. He is a really lovely genuine guy.

He works in a shop and lives with his parents and to be honest I'm glad all the nice golddiggers girls are giving him a wide berth hmm Imagine if they had to lower their standards just to date him. What sort of life could he possibly offer them hmm

KERALA1 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:20:12

Yanbu. I was super picky about who I dated. I wouldn't accept dates from people that lived in places I didn't like in case we got on, got married and they wanted to live there and I didn't (reading, Weston super mare and Perth if you're interested).

SerfTerf Mon 11-Sep-17 21:20:38

I'm sure in reality people don't think like this Tom flowers

OP is just teasing us all, I'm sure.

therealbridgetjones Mon 11-Sep-17 21:21:08

It's a supermarket.

TonicAndTonic Mon 11-Sep-17 21:21:17

Yeah the living with parents in his 30s thing would put me off much more than any choice of job tbh. It was important to me to be independent after uni so I lived in shared houses until I could afford my own place.

If I was interested apart from that then probably go out with him once though, to see if there were any mitigating circumstances like caring responsibilities, rather than him just being lazy or too much of a snob to live in a house-share.

ReanimatedSGB Mon 11-Sep-17 21:21:31

IN the current climate, quite a lot of people work in retail and live with their parents because there are few other options - and retail work, with a good employer, is fairly secure, if low paid.

But that still doesn't mean you have to date a man just because your friend wants you to. Are you actually looking for dates in the first place, or is your friend one of these who thinks a woman is not complete without a man?

SerfTerf Mon 11-Sep-17 21:21:36

Overplaying it a bit now though hmm

therealbridgetjones Mon 11-Sep-17 21:21:56

No he has never lived independently.

No he isn't studying.

QueenMortificado Mon 11-Sep-17 21:22:25

Real life: you can refuse to date whoever you want for whatever reason

MN: I would go out with anyone irrespective of anything less than favourable in their life and anyone who doesn't is a hideous snob and very shallow and judgemental and shall be condemned to the fiery pits of hell

LivininaBox Mon 11-Sep-17 21:22:56

YANBU, I wouldn't go on a date with someone unless I thought there was a really good chance they would be suitable. You would be wasting your time and his. There is nothing wrong with wanting a partner who has a similar outlook and ambitions to yourself.

onceandneveragain Mon 11-Sep-17 21:23:25

The shop thing wouldn't bother me in the slightest - could be multiple reasons for it, ranging from not being money/career obsessed, to as others have said using it while furthering other interests, or due to any sorts of issues (mental/physical illness or whatever)- nothing wrong with any of these. Retail is hard work, both physically and mentally in terms of dealing with the lovely general public, so I have respect for anybody working in that sector.

However the living at home thing would give me concerns only because (having seen multiple threads on here about man-babies who have been coddled by parents and then go straight from parents
home to girlfriend's, incapable of washing, cooking, or cleaning up after themselves) it does suggest immaturity and a lack of go-getting/self-sufficient nature that I would find incompatible.

Yes there are a number of people who are fully self-sufficient and live at home for various justifiable reasons, however I would think they are the minority, and the vast majority of people living with their parents in their thirties will be dependent on them in one way or another, whether financially or domestically, which I would struggle to find attractive.

jaseyraex Mon 11-Sep-17 21:23:48

Don't date someone if you don't want to date them. But to say you don't purely because he "works in a shop" is absolutely ludicrous and incredibly snobby. My DH was a sales assistant in a shop when I met him when he was 28, he's now an area manager for that same shop at 34 and he worked his arse off to get there. A hard worker is surely the importance rather than the job they are working.

one2three4five Mon 11-Sep-17 21:24:28

Wow, I'm pretty shocked by your attitude.

I am 30, I work in a shop, and I live in my parents house with my husband and son.

In my 20's I had my own house, a good career, earned way above average, and everything was going well for me. Oh, and I have a good degree from a very good university.

Don't count your chickens, you never know what life is going to throw at you. I didn't envision that I'd be living in my parents house and working in retail at 30. I MOST CERTAINLY didn't think that anyone would believe that I am beneath them and not worthy of their time because of it.

Don't go on a date with him, not because he works in a shop or lives with his parents, don't go on a date with him because he doesn't deserve to be judged by you.

Blondebombsite83 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:24:31

YANBU date who you want, for whatever reasons. People will probably have reasons that they wouldn't date you and that's ok. That's what makes people compatible, or not. You shouldn't feel obliged or grateful to have a date. I am going to call massive B.S. on anyone who says they've never pre-judged someone else.

MammaTJ Mon 11-Sep-17 21:24:45

YANBU! Save him a life time of you looking down on him by never going on that first date!

Now I have got that out of my system, you are not compatible in any way, so don't waste your time or his!

OhTheRoses Mon 11-Sep-17 21:25:39

Princes Harry and William still live at home.
I think it depends on the shop. Dodi's dad owned Horrids. Not sure what work Do do did.

I once sent out with a shopkeeper. In the same street as Sam Cam's shop.

If you were prepared to be kind and have an open mind you might be surprised. A friend of mine went out with Tim.. She thought he was boring despite the shop.

cailisto Mon 11-Sep-17 21:25:44

No - YANBU.
If he was studying and living at home/working in a shop, I'd say YABU.
But he's not studying and according to your friend, he's not ambitious.

So in a hypothetical relationship, you'd be the main breadwinner and he'd unlikely to be on your level, ambition/career prospects-wise or intellectually.

That could work, but it's unlikely.

I ended up with someone who earns significantly less than me when we both work full-time and it has bred resentment on both sides.

YANBU to turn down a date for whatever reasons you have...

However...

He may be truly lovely and you may really hit it off.

itispersonal Mon 11-Sep-17 21:26:34

Yabu to not go on a date with him to at least see what his ambitions are.

Yabnu to think how his job may make you feel in the future.

My partner works for a supermarket, doesn't work hard (own words) been there 13 years, has a shit pension and he has no ambition for progression or move elsewhere. Even though we have a DS together. Both in our mid 30s.

It really grates me that he won't even think about changing jobs and I do feel like he still has a teenage job without any commitments and I have to manage the finances and save for the extras. I'm in a professional field, uni educated but work part time.

Bluntness100 Mon 11-Sep-17 21:26:52

A hard worker is surely the importance rather than the job they are working

Would that be working hard in his part time hours then that would do it for you? confused

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