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AIBU?

To rehome a dog when DH doesn't like dogs

527 replies

butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 09:48

Please help me. I have 2 other threads running about this through a couple of stages of my situation.

Long story short (more background in my other threads) I had a dog with my ex, Bella, she is a cross breed who is approx 12. Ex kept her but now he's moved abroad with work and can't take her which was the original plan. Bella has been in kennels for a few months.

My DH and I have preschool twins and a cat. I have exhausted all rehoming options with friends/family. I had hurdles to overcome before I could consider rehoming her myself.

I love this dog, she was my baby. DH does not like dogs. He listened to me and how I felt about Bella and her situation. Taking her ourselves wasn't a distinct possibility until now. So we've not needed to have a proper chat about it as all the obstacles were reasons not to take her. These have all been sorted, we could take her.

DH has now said he doesn't want to. He says we're on complete opposites about it. I like dogs, he doesn't. I have an emotional attachment to her, he doesn't. He doesn't like the noise, the clattering of claws on laminate, the barking goes right through him, being tied to having to get back to a dog etc. The walks, the extra responsibility etc. I see these as things we just have to deal with and overcome.

He says he'd do it but only because he knows it would make me happy.

He's stressed at work and in general, he's been pretty miserable lately as a whole.

Now I'm in limbo. We wouldn't be taking right away, there would be a transitional period for everyone to get used to everyone and she would stay in kennels until then.

I've asked if we could take her as an interim and see if we could rehome her to someone else but at least getting her out of kennels. And with me secretly hoping DH would let us keep her.... He replied that I wouldn't want to give her up.

AIBU to take her despite DH's feelings?

OP posts:

Report

19lottie82 · 06/09/2017 09:49

If your DH really doesn't want a dog then YABU, sorry.

peachgreen · 06/09/2017 09:51

Yes, YABU. I would be on edge all the time in my own home if DH got a dog.

specialsubject · 06/09/2017 09:52

Marriage is a partnership. You can't have it all your own way.

Worst case you damage or destroy your marriage for a dog.

MrMessy · 06/09/2017 09:53

I don't like dogs much and I think if my DH suddenly wanted to bring one into our home I would have serious reservations. I might agree to a trial but would feel like your DH that I was doing it just to make him happy, at the expense of my feelings. You need to feel comfortable in your own home, it sounds like your DH is not comfortable around dogs . Why can you not find another home for the dog?

Pannnn · 06/09/2017 09:53

Yes massively unreasonable, and you know it. No idea why you are even asking randoms on the internet.

SoPassRemarkable · 06/09/2017 09:55

You will probably get a lot of messages saying it's not fair on your dh or the dog.

However my dh feels/felt the same about dogs as yours. I managed to convince him ten years ago to get a dog......and this was just a random dog, not one that used to be mine. I had to promise that I would do everything to do with the dog....walking, feeding, poo picking.

We had that dog for a few years before she died. Dh stuck to his word and never had anything to do with the dog though he would stroke her, etc.....don't think he ever really lived the dog. She died and I got another smaller dog and dh is besotted. Think he loves the dog more than me.

So I would say go for it. You have a history with the dog, your dh has said ok even if he's not keen.

Lovingmybear2 · 06/09/2017 09:55

He doesn't sound very kind op. A nice man would accept her and let's face it at 12 she's not a pup

Would he be unkind to her or just indifferent though and how is your dog with children?

MycatsaPirate · 06/09/2017 09:56

I'm going to go against the grain and say yes, get the dog.

The dog is 12, not likely to be charging about barking and knocking stuff over. The dog is elderly and probably doesn't have more than a couple of years left.

Get the dog and be prepared to do all the work.

Marriage is a partnership but in this case the dog came before the husband and I think it's really unfair to leave her in kennels knowing the likelihood of her being rehomed is very low.

PollyFlint · 06/09/2017 09:56

Being in a home with someone who doesn't like dogs is usually terrible for the dog as well as for the person who doesn't like them. I've seen this happen and it's never ended well.

BiteyShark · 06/09/2017 09:56

A dog is a massive responsibility, one that all the adults in the house need to agree on. I would only take the dog on in your shoes if I was happy to potentially destroy my marriage.

SoPassRemarkable · 06/09/2017 09:57

The dog is 12yo so going to be difficult to rehome. And also, bluntly, this is unlikely to be a long term issue for her dh.

butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 09:58

DH is very kind. I said previously that I would have everything to do with her in terms of walking/feeding etc. Everything. He said no of we were taking her he would throw himself into having a dog as she would be ours.

Bella has a lovely temperament so I have no concerns with her being round children. I wouldn't consider it in the slightest otherwise.

OP posts:

Lovingmybear2 · 06/09/2017 10:02

Sorry op that was unfair of me to call him unkind. I just adore my dog so it's so sad.

I would have her then op as she's old and needs you. Sure your dp will come around. Go for it.

butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 10:03

I know this is not the same but it is similar. I used to not like cats. I was badly allergic to them. DH had our cat before we got together and I had to accept that. Yes cats are in no way the same work as dogs. But I risked being allergic to cats to loving with him and his. I am no longer allergic and I tolerate the cat i feed and cuddle her. I would even now consider another one ahould we lose her. I would never have considered this before.

OP posts:

butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 10:04

It's okay @Lovingmybear2 It comes done to cats vs dog lovers!

OP posts:

butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 10:04

Sorry about all the typos! I'm on my phone and not proof reading!

OP posts:

2014newme · 06/09/2017 10:05

Yabu. Do not take the dog. The dog is your exes problem not yours. He has given you first refusal. Refuse the dog.

butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 10:09

Ha. If only it was that simple @2014newme

My ex has run out of options. Rehoming a dog is difficult ay the best of times, never mind a 12 year old. My ex has tried his best. I only found out she was in kennels recently when I asked after her. I never expected to be in this situation. My ex is thousands of miles away heartbroken over this turn of events.

I feel I am responsible too now, he and i are the only 2 people in this world that love her and he can't do anything about it.

OP posts:

Ummmmgogo · 06/09/2017 10:12

you are being completely unreasonable. deep down you know this.

Mum2OneTeen · 06/09/2017 10:13

Rehome the DH!

19lottie82 · 06/09/2017 10:13

Wow to the posters saying take the dog anyway!

I wonder what the responses would be if the roles were reversed here and the OP was posting, I hate dogs, we have 2 young kids and my husband wants to take in his exs dog?

I get how you feel OP but if your husband isn't on board it's not fair to take her, sorry.

SwearyBerry · 06/09/2017 10:13

My DH was totally against having a dog, though I worked really hard to convince him it would be great, and eventually he agreed. I made sure not to promise to do all the dog related work, as I really don't believe that it can work if only one person is doing it. It's a living, breathing, feeling creature and deserves to be loved by all of its family.
2 years down the line, DH is besotted with our dog, and wouldn't be without her - irritatingly, she prefers him to me!! It's been the best thing for our family.

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rosie1959 · 06/09/2017 10:13

My first thought is poor Bella 12 years old and in kennels
She was your baby and I know that attachment no way could I leave her in kennels She is 12 years old so needs her twightlight years with somebody who loves her
Your DH may well come to love her if he is a kind person he will not want her to suffer it's not going to be forever

RonSwansonsMoustache · 06/09/2017 10:14

I think you should take the dog. She's 12 - it's not like you're adopting a hyper puppy. You know her behaviour and temperament and she's attached to you.

Your DH has agreed (not enthusiastically, but still) and it's a far better life for the dog to be with someone she knows/loves than to spend her final years in a kennel.

WineAndTiramisu · 06/09/2017 10:16

Go and get the dog, she precedes your DH, and given her age, probably won't be around for that much longer. There's no way she'll find a home at age 12.
Just tell him it's like the cat thing, and you've got used to that!

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