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to think that "two tier" birthday parties are mean?

(285 Posts)
haventkilledtheorchidyet Sat 02-Sep-17 17:10:09

I have never had any parties for my children where a proportion of the invitees are invited for a sleepover, and the rest go home. My view has always been that these provoke bad feelings in the ones who have to go home, somehow thinking they are "second tier" friends.

My poor DS, it seems, has been invited to one of these parties and will be coming home when others at the party are transported back for a sleepover.

Your views on this? I understand that some parents want to do exactly what their children want, maybe can't fit all children in their home for a sleepover, etc. but AIBU to expect parents to do the adult thing and treat all partygoers the same on the day, and perhaps have a sleepover at a different time?

I'm not looking forward to seeing my DS after this party sad

drbeverlyhofstadter Tue 05-Sep-17 10:56:15

Exactly cambodianfoxhound !

Lurkedforever1 Tue 05-Sep-17 11:22:02

And you can also tell the people who will spend a lot of time being needlessly upset by the actions of others if they are constantly exaggerating everything into bullying and unfairness.

houghtonk76 Tue 05-Sep-17 13:59:54

Agree with others (especially megletthesecond) - is mean & serves no actually point other than showing off how much money you have to spend on treat day / birthday outing for the invitees & parents. Either sleepover & movie on seperate occasion (though still an issue if ur kid not invited, thought they were BFF) or just do one thing to celebrate the birthday & try and be as inclusive as poss (alergen free for the one with allergies, no animals / dark caves if a kid has a proper phobia or mobility issues, etc. Basically use ur common sense, you're the adult, not ur DD / DS, etc. Kids like 8/9/10 age get very emotional bout this sort of stuff (homones & all). Be sensible, defo don't be outrightly mean & save urself the aggro.

Remember the Mylene Klass news story bout this sort of thing a few years back? Think she had a point.

houghtonk76 Tue 05-Sep-17 14:03:04

Tho i do agree about the whole single-gender plan if having a sleepover for kids that young - maybe when ur 16 DC?? (Over my dead body & defo don't publicise it on FB / Twitter for while me & ur Dad away u twonk!!!!)

misshelena Tue 05-Sep-17 14:12:27

People are cheapening the word "bullying" by describing every snub as "bullying".

I've seen true bullying. Declining to invite someone to a sleepover is not "bullying", unless it's part of an extended and relentless campaign of exclusion and intimidation against the same child.

It's understandable to feel slighted on behalf of your dc. However, the bigger deal you make of it, the worse your dc is going to feel about the situation. Keep doing this and eventually your dc is going to be upset by every slight social snub, which the real world is full of. This is the making of a "snowflake".

houghtonk76 Tue 05-Sep-17 14:16:58

Oh Shatnerswig, your a diamond! 😂 cheered me right up on a sickness bug day.
Fantastic posting - "you're not my real mum!" "Yes, I am, I gave ur siblings up for adoption in the 1980s" - it was acceptable then 😂😂!!!!

Your point brilliantly made & hilarious - will any of the shit we go thru with pre-teens & teens matter when they're 43 with a job, a mortgage, other halfs, bosses, etc????
Often wonder what became of the 13-19 year olds i worked with & the issues they had - many I'm sure are normal, working, adults now, with families of their own. Some could be 33 now, as when they were 18 i was 26 - frightening propect - am ancient!!

houghtonk76 Tue 05-Sep-17 14:20:18

I'm genuinely asking in a way, as i have all this poo to come - DS is not even 2.5 yet; my major prob right now is having enough baby wipes go hand when he "gifts" me half-eaten food & weather to start potty training now (obviously not NOW - sick bug & all) or in Oct when he's 2.5 ☺

misshelena Tue 05-Sep-17 14:21:32

though still an issue if ur kid not invited, thought they were BFF

Thing is, everyone, including the bday child, has the right to decide who their bffs are. It's not ideal, but sometimes just because I see someone as my bff, doesn't mean that she sees me the same way. She may just see me as a "good friend'. Doesn't make her a bad person though.

Bday child can't invite the whole class due to lack of room or funds. He has to make the cut somewhere. But no matter where he makes that cut, the child closest to that cutting point is going to fee slighted.

misshelena Tue 05-Sep-17 14:23:06


JoolsFH Tue 03-Oct-17 17:54:46

My daughter went to a party where 6 were asked to sleep over and 4 not. She was one of the 4. In the end two of the 4 didn't go so only 2 of them ended up going home. She wanted to go, but came home feeling horrible. I'll never let her go to a party like that again.

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