To be a bit suspicious of this woman? And WWYD?

[GettingWorseBeforeItGetsBetter]

Bit of an odd one, but basically want to know what I should or shouldn't do about this.

Firstly, bit of background. My grandparents; had 3 children. My DM is the oldest (late 50s), then middle child is 2 years younger (A1) and then youngest is 2 years younger again (A2). My grandmother died in 2011 after my grandparents had been married 40+ years (not really relevant). Between the 3 children there are 8 grandchildren, but sadly only 5 of us are still alive. There is also now 3 great grandchildren; my DD and my cousins 2 step children who are considered Great Grandchildren.

A2 has a best friend, who also has children (4 I think), we'll call the friend L. L and A2 have known each other for years and are the same age. My grandmother didn't like L so wouldn't let her come to any family events or treat her any different to any other friends. GM once told my DM that she though L was trying to get close to us as my Gdad has a lot of money; nice house (5 beds which will be worth around £600k where I live), several private pensions+a state one, nice car etc. When my GM needed end of life care Gdad put her in the most expensive hospice he could find, paid for a private nurse for her etc basically no expense was spared because there was no worry about how it would be paid for.

Then when my GM died everything changed. L suddenly became centre of the family, organising GMs funeral, calling GDad "dad" and getting her children (well the 2 I met) to call him "granddad". It all seemed very sweet and innocent for awhile, L had apparently never had parents, so it seemed like she'd just made a family for herself.

I started to become suspicious of her after my cousin died in 2014. Cousin was A1s only DD, and she had several disabilities and issues. L made out like she'd been the most important person in my cousins life, crying over the coffin at the funeral, posting on Facebook how painful it was to lose someone who was "like a daughter to her". I know for a fact she had only met my cousin once, I spoke to my cousin daily and considered her my best friend. A1 also told me at the funeral that the public display of grief was upsetting for her as cousins DM. A1 had words with L, but L made out that A1 was being UR and told her that she loved (cousins name) and will miss her loads. A1 has avoided her as much as possible since, and agrees with my suspicions about her.

When my DD was born in 2015, L told my DM told my mum that now she was a grandmother she wouldn't want to bother with an old man anymore and offered to take the days caring/cleaning my DM did for my Gdad so she could spend time with her new grandchild. Each of the 3 sisters help take care of my granddad 1-2 days a week now he's very old (in his 80s), they clean, cook and help him with anything else such as replying to letters or making phonecalls. All of the sisers get a small amount of money from my Gdads pension as a thank you for helping plus it boosts the income of my DM and A1 who're both now single and working in low paid jobs (I don't know exactly how much but it's between £100 and £200 per week each). DM declined Ls invitation so instead L decided she was going to help my GDad herself on 1 day a week. He told her he didn't need anymore help as between the 3 children and his grandchildren he had a week covered but she insisted. So she does his ironing for him. GDad pays her for this but I know it's only a very small amount and nowhere near what he pays his children.

She's always posting photos of herself and my Gdad on Facebook saying how he's her favourite person ever. She also posts photos of her and A2 saying how they're sisters and they love each other - there's never any mention of my DM or my A1 in these posts.

She's calls herself "Aunty L" to my DD, but never makes the effort to see us without my GDad and won't even tell me where she lives. I only know where because my SIL gives her a lift home sometimes and SIL told me (but she doesn't know SIL is my SIL IYSWIM because we have a common surname). She refused to come to my wedding due to money issues, but when my GDad said he'd pay for her to attend, and also give her money for drinks she could suddenly come and got very drunk with her +1 who I've never met before and never seen her with since. Similar happened at my DDs christening, she couldn't attend until my GDad offered to pay then she turned up got drunk with an unknown +1 and only spoke to Gdad and A2.

A1 and I think she's trying to be written into my GDads will. It's widely known in our family that each of us his daughters will get a share of his house after IT, and that his GC will share his life insurance (worth around £500k) after funeral costs, and that he's left a sum of money to each of his Gr GC (about £10k each).

AIBU to think L wants my GDads money, my GM knew this and was why she kept her at arms length? And if so WWYD about it? A1 and I have both warned my DM, A2 and GDad but they seem to think she's a "sweet woman" whose just helping out.

[AnyFucker]

My head hurts

[ChinkChink]

How did GDad know that she needed money to attend wedding and christening?

Did she casually mention it mid-ironing?

'Ware gold diggers.

[GettingWorseBeforeItGetsBetter]

chinkchink she told me she couldn't attend due to money issues, and when asked by my GDad thats what I told him, so he then paid her to attend basically.

[peekyboo]

Some people are kind, some are incessant helpers who need to be involved. And some are after the money. She could be a mixture of the above, so different people see her as nice, trustworthy etc but she puts you on edge.

Really difficult to know but instincts can count for a lot.

But if you were totally objective, how helpful is she, really? Is she a comfort and a help to your Gdad?

[Copperbeech33]

agree, sorry, far too long and confusing, please can you write a concise version

[GammaDelta]

YANBU. I would have been suspicious too. But what does your Aunt A2 think of her?
Why did your Grand dad offer money to her to come to your wedding n yourDDs Christening? Do either of them agree she is trying to be too close to have a share of the pie.

[thecatfromjapan]

I think you've done all you can. I guess you can carry on warning them - but keep it to a minimum because, for whatever reason, they don't want to hear what you're saying. That could either be because you are wrong or because they rely on her.

You don't have to have her in your life, though.

[ChinkChink]

GDad asked you whether she was attending, and even with your suspicions you told him no because she was skint? And then did it again?

Blimey.

[GettingWorseBeforeItGetsBetter]

peeky He told her he didn't need any extra help as his DC and GC had it covered but she insisted so he just came up with a job someone else was already doing. He seems to like the company but isn't bothered.

[ChinkChink]

TL:DR

Non-related L has latched on to OP's family in hope of a windfall from well-off Grandad. HTH.

[GettingWorseBeforeItGetsBetter]

Chink I said she had some issues with pay at work or something for the wedding, and for the christening I didn't tell him my DM did, after she'd asked on GDads behalf if she was attending.

[peekyboo]

It's difficult then. My grandparents had a friend like that who loved to be helpful, but she also had a crush on my Gdad. Hopefully that won't be something you have to deal with!

[GettingWorseBeforeItGetsBetter]

copper MY Aunts best friend has latched onto the family and started calling my GDad "dad" appearing helpful and friendly but another aunt and I suspect she wants some of my Gdads wealth.

Gamma A2 think she's amazing helping a family that isn't hers and thinks she's her best friend.

[TheEdgeOfGlory266]

Wow. That was a lot to take it. I would hang around outside of your GDs with A1 and politley tell her to f#@k off and refuse to let her in.
Has he expressed in anyway that he might leave some money to her? Unfortunately, if he decides that ultimately she should get a share, then there isn't a great deal you can do. She defo sounds like a chancer to me. I should imagine after so long of being married, he knew how your GM felt about her and will take that into consideration. Whilst outwardly being polite, he might be thinking about the situation differently.

[TitaniasCloset]

I don't like the sound of her.

[GammaDelta]

I won't trust such a woman... with most of the family members not trusting her she is still adamant on doing ironing for your grand dad... talk to him, as it is all his will n his "will" that would make a difference.

[GettingWorseBeforeItGetsBetter]

TheEdge If I didn't think my GDad would come out and see and be upset by that I would. I am hoping GDad thinks she's a chancer too, he's never indicated to me that he's giving her any money in the Will but then he could have rewritten it in secret again and could leave money to her without telling any of us.

[HateSummer]

How come your gd's finances and will are such public knowledge?! Maybe if you all kept schtum about how much money you'll all get she wouldn't know he's rich. A2 must have told her something. She sounds like a gold digger.

[TheEdgeOfGlory266]

It's a difficult situation to be in, when you think someone you love is being played. Remain suspicious, remain vigilant and keep her at arms length. The fact that she forced her self into "helping" him when he told her he didn't need any extra really bugs me. If she was doing it just because she was a very helpful, caring person, she wouldn't take money for it. That being said, I can see why your mum and A's accept the money. They're there quite often and he is obviously grateful for the help.

[PaganGoddessBrigid]

I wouldn't trust her either but .......... if your granddad's house is worth 600k then I'm sure there are other 'marks' who would be softer and more lucrative targets. Has your GD changed his will? If he does attempt to change his will, his solicitor will say 'L, and.............. L is who?''

[GettingWorseBeforeItGetsBetter]

HateSummer When my DD was born GDad approached me and asked if he was leaving her enough in his Will and told me what everyone was getting. He also had the same conversation with my DM and her sisters.

You're right A2 probably told her something.

[GettingWorseBeforeItGetsBetter]

TheEdge DM and A1 only take the money because they couldn't financially cope without it, and they both always go above and beyond and do what is needed. A2 takes the money but mostly does my GDads shopping with it so doesn't see much of it.

Pagan Not sure if he's changed his will. He's a very generous man generally anyway, always giving me stuff for DD or paying for my DBro to get taxis etc to appointments.

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

Why doesn't one of you tell her she is over stepping? Like when she called him Dad why did nobody react? Laugh even and say why the hell are you calling him Dad?

[HeebieJeebies456]

All of the sisers get a small amount of money from my Gdads pension as a thank you for helping plus it boosts the income of my DM and A1 who're both now single and working in low paid jobs (I don't know exactly how much but it's between £100 and £200 per week each)

Mmmmm.....sounds like it's not just L who is interested in his money then!

[PaganGoddessBrigid]

If he's lucid, could you ask your granddad ''L is like your daughter, it's kind of odd for us to get used to that, is there something we should know about L granddad?'' that way he might catch your drift and reassure you.