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I had to report her

(67 Posts)
hannah1992 Tue 29-Aug-17 19:35:23

Posting here for traffic really I no ianbu. Bit of back story. I met this woman last year as her son and my daughter are in the same class at school. She randomly started chatting to me and I thought "nice woman". After couple of weeks she invited me round hers for a drink, i assumed coffee or something as it was morning after school. Anyway get to her house and she out a beer in front of me. If was half 9 in the morning. I politely declined and said I would rather have a coffee. So she had coffee as well rather than the beer. I didn't mention it just had coffee and a chat and left. As the months went on I went to her house she came to mine all was fine for a while I didn't notice a drinking pattern or anything until the last 5 months.

Was my birthday in march and I invited her and few other friends round to mine. My dh works away so I had my two kids at home so said friends could bring their kids. There was four of us. Me and two other women shared a bottle of wine so we had probably one glass each. She turned up with a crate of 24 beers. Anyway 1 of my other friends left so was just me her and another friend.

This woman has four children aged from 6-12. She drank all 24 beers before leaving. She was stumbling about all over the place and had to walk her kids home in that state.

Anyway this was a Sunday she left mine about 8pm. The following day she was pulled into school because her youngest had told the teacher about her being drunk the night before. They informed social services who made two visits to her and a visit to speak to the kids at school. Then decided they didn't need to take further action.

I've not had much to do with her since then but Sunday night I saw her outside the local pub with all the kids paraletic and shouting and screaming at some woman. Her two youngest were crying and her older two were trying to drag her home.

My dad works at this pub and he phoned me this morning to tell me that she was there again last night and same was happening and my dad had actually had to make her go home as she wouldn't leave and all the bar staff had refused to serve her anymore. Anyway I have rang social services today. Her kids are nice kids they don't deserve to be watching that and having to drag their mother home because she's too pissed to move herself.

My main question is is what will social services do this time or what are they likely to do? She needs some serious help obviously but what about the kids I'm more bothered about them than her

MollyWantsACracker Tue 29-Aug-17 19:38:58

You did the right thing. This woman is in a very bad place and needs help.

MrsDustyBusty Tue 29-Aug-17 19:41:46

Poor children. You've done the right thing, she's not in a position to care for her children at the moment. Some intervention is necessary.

Notevilstepmother Tue 29-Aug-17 19:42:00

I'm not sure they will do much if they visit and she is sober. However I suggest you get your dad to ring their out of hours number if she is in that state again.

Mayhemmumma Tue 29-Aug-17 19:43:09

You must report this. Children's services will be able to see a pattern of concerns, building a picture of what life is like for these children. Their involvement will offer mum (dads?) opportunities to get support with drinking and other inevitable emotional or practical difficulties or experiences. The school/police/health services should communicate more closely to keep the children safe. Encourage extended family to help mum with the children- being a safe place or person for them. Acknowledging the children's lives are probsbly chaotic and frightening. Are they taking on a caring role for her or younger siblings? There is support for them and it is important someone talks to them so they know they can speak up.

Honestly do it. To do nothing is awful.

Rinkydinkypink Tue 29-Aug-17 19:45:26

They'll do an assessment of the information and determine whether her situation requires a visit.

If it does they will go and visit her home. Depending on what they find they will set a plan in place this can be anything from telling mum she needs to seek support and help to do this. To having a strategy meeting and consider if a child protection agreement is needed. In extreme circumstances if there is an immediate risk to their safety SS will place the children with family or foster carers for their own protection.

You have done the right thing to report this op. There are many parents who are functioning alcoholics. Their are many who aren't. You don't your best.

Mayhemmumma Tue 29-Aug-17 19:47:38

Ps it doesn't mean children will be removed, it means mum will have an opportunity to resolve issues while safely caring for them, the children should be made subject to a child protection or child in need plan working alongside the family.

If she is drunk like that again in the pub with the children there, your dad MUST call the police. (In this scenario they could potentially be taken into police protection- foster care- for up to 72 hours while safety measures are put in place)

LuLuuuuuuu Tue 29-Aug-17 19:52:00

Seems to me she is at rock bottom OP

I am not usually one to report but I think in this case it would be best to do so. The lady needs help, as do the DCs

hannah1992 Tue 29-Aug-17 19:52:39

She has no family and the kids have different dads and not one of them sees them. From what I've seen personally the kids just do what they like the younger two are 6 and 8 and they play upstairs a lot on play station but the 8 year old is aloud to play out in the street with friends so he's out sometimes too. The older two are 10 and 12 and are out a lot.

I've never seen her parenting as such when they were at mine they all just played in the garden.

I know the social was involved before who advised her parenting classes and said to her that if there was more calls they would take it further next time. I just can't stand to watch them go through that. Especially if she gets aggressive.

I told my dad he should have rung the police last night. Was quite annoyed that he didn't

Notevilstepmother Tue 29-Aug-17 19:59:50

I hope this helps her to get the help she needs. Well done for not ignoring it. It's important that those children get support.

Ttbb Tue 29-Aug-17 19:59:59

My mother was an alcoholic. I saw many things that I wish I hadn't. I wish that someone had done the same as you did.

WillowKnicks Tue 29-Aug-17 20:00:20

Those poor children, you absolutely did the right thing!

Mittens1969 Tue 29-Aug-17 20:07:53

You should definitely report it. As has been said, social services won't simply take the children into care. They'll pay the family a visit and investigate whether they need to put in place a child protection plan or a child in need plan.

If she is prepared to cooperate with them, this will enable her to access the help that she clearly needs. She can turn this around if she's prepared to admit she has a problem and get help.

BannedFromNarnia Tue 29-Aug-17 20:12:10

Oh how awful for everyone. Yes you have done the right thing - I know it's awful for the poor mum too but she's clearly so addicted to alcohol as to be ill if she's drinking like that all the time and not looking after them.

Social Services can help her to help the children and if she can't/won't help herself they'll make sure the children are cared for somehow.

A1Sharon Tue 29-Aug-17 20:20:09

I know a woman who has such an alcoholic, a very severe one. She drinks all the time. She has lost her car.
She is still at home and often has the kids alone. I am actually amazed. But she has a supportive partner and extended family who are around and do help regularly. But still the kids are often alone with her whilst DH out at work, and she is definitely still drinking most of the time if not all of it. I too dread to think what her kids have been exposed to. It is terribly, terribly sad.
You absolutely did the right thing OP.

fullofhope03 Tue 29-Aug-17 20:21:33

Christ how terribly sad. sad You did the right thing. Really hope that those children AND their Mum get all the help and support they need.

fuckingroundabout Tue 29-Aug-17 20:28:29

This was my childhood. I remember three weeks after I turned 10 finding my mum missing from home and going out searching for Her, eventually found her paralytic on a grave stone.

You did the right thing. also pubs etc have a duty of care, if she was in that state with children they should have called the police.

dairymilkmonster Tue 29-Aug-17 20:33:56

you definitely did the right thing - this poor lady clearly needs help and her kids will benefit from that longterm

scrabbler3 Tue 29-Aug-17 20:40:50

You did the right thing.

It might be helpful if your dad or a member of the bar staff called SS and told them what they'd witnessed too.

I wish all five of them the best of luck.

Benedikte2 Tue 29-Aug-17 20:42:10

Advise your father to call the police if it happens again. Point out to him that he would be morally responsible if any harm came to her children.
Social Services will undertake a risk assessment, if they have not already done so and take it from there. Children may be taken into care but this need not necessarily be long term if this mother is willing to get treatment. It must be incredibly frightening for her children.
Well done for caring

Flumplet Tue 29-Aug-17 20:44:19

As someone whose father was alcoholic I would have appreciated a similar intervention as a child (but didn't get it). You've given them a voice so thank you.

OurMiracle1106 Tue 29-Aug-17 20:48:40

In future tell your dad to phone the police. Social services will have a hard time proving she was drunk and abusive (as it sounds by shouting) without a paper trail so they will have to do an assessment. She will either lie and say must be wrong person or it was a a one off and kids weren't there etc. Where as if police are called they may well intervene there and then

fuckingroundabout Tue 29-Aug-17 20:57:30

And if harm came to the kids with her in that state and it was traced back to her getting so drunk at a pub when they know about the kids the pub would be in hot water, it's quite a big aspect of licensing.

CoveredInFondant Tue 29-Aug-17 21:03:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall Tue 29-Aug-17 21:08:33

CoveredInFondant - depends on the crate and the alcohol content. We buy a crate of beer that is £3.60 from Tesco. Small bottles and the alcohol content is 4% (or even less!) so entirely possible!

Disclaimer: We aren't big alcohol drinkers hence why we buy the 'light' stuff!

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