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AIBU to be angry and DP and friend wine session.

(353 Posts)
Confusedandalone19 Sun 27-Aug-17 12:48:01

I name changed and will try not to drop feed.

Me and DP have 2 kids combined.
We are child hood sweethearts but had a break in between.
Now eventually settled down together.

Friend was an old school friend of us both however was always more my friend of that makes sense.
As we have got older have become less close but still stay in contact.
( she is the eccentric, wild type )
I am currently in hospital with young DD and we are going through a really hard time as a whole unit.
So here is what happened yesteray.

I had both children at hospital with me until DP finished work at 10 pm and picked DSS up, they would not have got home until 10.45 ish.

I spoke to DP at just gone midnight every thing seemed fine nothing was mentioned about anyone being there.

This morning I woke up to a text message of my friend saying she was popped around last night but I wasn't in ( she knew I wasn't there as we have been in hospital over a week ) glad I got a chance to spend some time with ** ( my DP )
He was explaining how you really struggling emotionally at the minute and that things are tough followed with will replace your wine to ! shock

I rand DP who explained she did knock last night and he welcomed her in She drunk too much wine and was asking questions and being really friendly.
She ended up sleeping on the sofa and left this morning.

I was more confused than anything I don't get
1. Why she turned up at my house at that time knowing I wasn't there

2. Why DP let her in.

3. Why they were drinking wine together

4. Why she didn't get a taxi home.

An hour ago I got a phone call from my best friend to ask if everything was ok as friend from last night had told her things seemed difficult between me and DP and that it was likely we would be seperating soon through the stress !

( this is the first I have heard about it, we get on fine )

Now DP can be a bit stupid and naive , he would do anything for anyone and genuinely is a bit of a push over at times.
His claim is....

She turned up at the door, she seemed down and asked for me, he explained I wasn't in and she asked to come in.
He allowed her in and they got talking and she helped her self to some wine and poured himself some to.
She got very drunk and they had a few emotinal conversations.
He offered to order her a taxi but she said she didn't feel save going alone early hours of the morning so asked to sleep on the sofa.

This sounds confusing I know !
I am mad at them both, not sure I should be though.

Confusedandalone19 Sun 27-Aug-17 12:48:20

* drip feed

Floellabumbags Sun 27-Aug-17 12:55:21

At best he's naive and she's trying it on. Not the behaviour of a friend.

Sprinklestar Sun 27-Aug-17 12:59:35

She is not your friend. Equally, DH should have recognized how inappropriate this all was and sent her on her merry way. She's making a play for your DH. The fact you're in hospital whilst she does this makes her a very nasty person indeed!

Maelstrop Sun 27-Aug-17 13:02:13

DP should have told her to fuck off. She knew you were in hospital.

You need to tell her to stop spreading lies about the state of your relationship. She's no friend spreading salacious gossip.

swingofthings Sun 27-Aug-17 13:07:29

You say she was a friend of both of you so not so shocking that she'd stopped over despite you not being and having talk but would be furious that this talk would involve him discussing your relationship.

That is of course if that's what really happens. Both of them seemed eager to explain themselves.

Aquathest Sun 27-Aug-17 13:08:22

Sounds like your friend is trying to cause trouble.
But if you spoke to your DP around midnight, what time is he claiming your friend arrived at your house?

I can understand you irritation with DP, he needs to know you are uncomfortable with his actions but I would say not to waste your energy on the friend right now... or again.
Hope your DD is better soon. flowers

mumofone234 Sun 27-Aug-17 13:09:20

That's odd - I'd personally be more annoyed with the friend, but it's weird DP didn't mention it.

Therealslimshady1 Sun 27-Aug-17 13:09:46

She is not your friend

Sleeping on the sofa, my ass

flumpybear Sun 27-Aug-17 13:12:16

What floella said - she's meddling in your marriage bet she's trying to snide her way in

timeisnotaline Sun 27-Aug-17 13:13:18

I wouldn't be happy with dp discussing our relationship, and think friend should have drunk less and gone home but otherwise not sure about the problem with dp drinking at our house with a mutual friend.

Berthatydfil Sun 27-Aug-17 13:13:31

She's not your friend and is making a play for your DP.
Even more disgusting given you are in the hospital with an ill child.
I would tell her you know what she's been telling people about your relationship and not to bother to replace the wine as you never want to see or hear from her again.

SaturnUranus Sun 27-Aug-17 13:14:47

Even if you believe the friend's account of what your DP said, she seems to have been in a heck of a rush to broadcast it.

Since last night she's not only told you about it but gossiped about it to at least one mutual friend. Nothing excuses that. Whatever her motivations are, they're clearly not good.

I would find it very easy to believe that someone this 'full-on' would insist on spending the night at yours. If your DP had said no to her, she would currently be gossiping about what a terrible person he was to throw her out all alone etc.

expatinscotland Sun 27-Aug-17 13:14:53

She's not your friend. He's an adult. He should have told her to fuck off. I'd be furious.

SouthernNorthernGirl Sun 27-Aug-17 13:16:15

I don't like the sound of this very much at all OP, sorry.

What is your take on it?

SouthernNorthernGirl Sun 27-Aug-17 13:17:01

And YY to what expat said

Nocabbageinmyeye Sun 27-Aug-17 13:17:48

There is definitely more to this, why did your dp not mention she was there? Do you usually stay over after a few drinks?

Ikabod Sun 27-Aug-17 13:17:53

I dunno. I think your DP was just being polite letting her in. If she's forward enough to turn up late and unannounced, she's probably the type to pour a couple of glasses of wine, hand one to your fella and settle herself down for a good chat. I would trust your DP's version of events - clearly you are going through a difficult time with your DC in hospital (though it doesn't mean your relationship is in any way under threat!). She (your friend) may have been trying to "be there" - albeit in a weird way. BUT she has no right to start gossiping about you. That's what I'd be really pissed off about!

Trollspoopglitter Sun 27-Aug-17 13:18:58

So why didn't he tell you any of it?

PurpleMinionMummy Sun 27-Aug-17 13:20:07

Well she's a plotter isn't she. I'd be mad at both. I'd also wonder if something had happened. However, your dh may simply not have thought now was a good time to say btw one of your mates was trying it on with me last night. Although I'd question why he didn't mention she'd turned up when you rang.

TheLambshankRedemption Sun 27-Aug-17 13:20:26

This doesn't sound good from either of them. Who 'pops around' to anyone's home uninvited at 11pm and who lets such uninvited nutters in at that time? Dodgy territory all around. Sorry.

I hope your daughter gets well soon.

Confusedandalone19 Sun 27-Aug-17 13:20:36

I don't know, DP can be pretty naive at times.

The mutual friend situation is a patchy one -
We were a group of friends at school.
She was MY friend and when me and DP started dating at school are 2 groups merged together if that makes sense.

They are not friends for instance that would message each other or ring etc

I think DP was naive or maybe I hope so.
We have a good relationship which not everyone has always liked.
But we recently did go through a significant trauma which is apparently one of the things they discussed last night.

I feel more hurt he couldn't discuss it with me and rarely mentions it but could her over wine whilst I was in hospital with DD.

Confusedandalone19 Sun 27-Aug-17 13:22:32

The other thing is the text she randomly sent me and the fact the friend she made sure she told she knows would tell me what she had said.
She is my closest friend who is very protective of me.
Which makes me think she wanted us to know and wanted to make sure I knew what had happened.

Willow2017 Sun 27-Aug-17 13:25:45

Telm her you do not aporeciate her making up stories about you to gossip about and to keep the he'll away from you and yours from now on.
She sent a friend. She made an excuse to visit your dp when she knew you were out and hoped it would go somewhere. Seen this before and some men just don't see it if they regard the person only as a friend it never crossed thier mind that they are trying it on

Talk to your dp explain what she was up to and the gossip and cut her out. She deserves it.

Willow2017 Sun 27-Aug-17 13:26:43

Keep the Hell away !!

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