To think it's weird, if not rude, to call people by their last names alone

[UmmKultum]

We have a new admin guy at work. It's a pretty diverse international place and I think he's from Central Asia somewhere. He's taken to sending emails addressing people by their last names alone. Apart from the fact that the organization tends to be pretty informal, surely you put mr/mrs etc in front of the name?!
So he says Dear Jones and not dear ms Jones. I answered him that he could call me my first name to which he replied he prefers to not move to a first name basis yet . I then replied (as a ps to a longer email) that I would therefore prefer he use ms or dr (I have phd but never usually use the title but, hey, if we're being formal). He's now replied pointing out that we have never met (although with no salutation at all!).
Aibu that this is a little bizarre? Isn't it a little rude to just call people by their last name? Makes me think of the army or prison!!

[Natsku]

Well if they don't use an equivalent to mr/mrs where he is from then he wouldn't know its rude, do you know if that's the case? I'm in a country that doesn't use a mr/mrs equivalent so in formal situations you do call each other by last name.

[TallulahBetty]

I wonder if it's a cultural thing? It would annoy me me though. I would politely say 'please call me X' so he is clear.

[Ttbb]

It is most likely a cultural thing. Just explain it to him.

[UmmKultum]

Maybe that's where it's come from then.
But he's in an English speaking international environment where it's pretty unusual to do this, especially by email. I wonder how he'll address me when I meet him in person!
I did say to him that if he wants to be formal that he should use ms or dr with me. But he's now sent an email with no salutations at all . I think I've made him defensive which wasn't what I was trying to do!

[nikkylou]

I understand that some parts of Asia may use last names more generally, and only move to first name when they feel they have got to know the person.

But if you've asked to be called your first name or with your title, it's rude of him to ignore your request. That has nothing to do where he's from, and just being rude.

[TwitterQueen1]

Perfectly normal in Japan and other countries I understand, so please don't take offence.

I am a Brit and work for a global company. A US 20-something counterpart is referred to by her surname. She worked in Japan for a few years and got used to being called by her surname only; a practice she is perfectly happy to continue.

Because we celebrate diversity and accommodate personal and professional preferences wherever appropriate, we now all call her by her surname only.

[UmmKultum]

Not offended! He's doing this to everyone. Although oddly he sent me an email a week ago with my first name! I wonder what happened between then and now!?

[emilybrontescorset]

Sometimes at work we refer to people by their last name simply because there are lots and lots of people called x.
This isn't in writing though just in briefings.

[Grawp]

I thought this was going to be a public school thing as it's very common at boys schools etc but as pp have said I have also met Asian people who do this. But yes it's a bit weird that he can't add Ms or whatever you want in front of your surname.

[TwitterQueen1]

Maybe he's just confused and doesn't fully understand salutations? I'm sure he would appreciate some kindly advice.

[UmmKultum]

Surely the first response where I said he can use my first name should have been sufficient? I didn't criticize, just stated my preference. It's a bit strange because he is actually quite junior (not that it matters really but it makes it stand out that much more)

[StickThatInYourPipe]

Are you sure he knows it's your first name? One of my clients has the email address set up of [email protected]

I used the last names for them for a while, they are not in England so most of their names, to me, could have been either way round and I didn't realise until told!

[StickThatInYourPipe]

Ohh sorry! Didn't realise you had already said something so he knows that isn't the case

[UmmKultum]

I thought he may have got the names the wrong way around but he was doing it to everyone even though are names appear as first name + last name (addresses are just [email protected])
But when I told him I'd prefer first names, he said he wasn't comfortable moving to first name basis!

[NC4now]

There used to be several women with my first name on my team, so I tend to be called by variants on my surname.
Some of my age old friends and I use each other's surnames in a jokey way, as a kind of reprimand eg. 'You're a bad influence, Jones!'
I guess that's what you're getting at. It is a bit cheeky.
I'm a reporter and the only time I skip the title is when I'm writing about a criminal. Again, not what you want from a colleague.

[NC4now]

It must be a different cultural convention.

[MargaretTwatyer]

I would point it out to his line manager and ask them to have a word. It is normal in business to follow the cultural practices of the culture you are dealing with as far as possible. So he should be addressing people in the appropriate way for working in (I assume) a U.K. office. Which is generally first names and if not then Dr X or Mrs X. If he prefers to be addressed by his surname that's up to him, but how he addresses other people should conform to the dominant cultural norms. He needs to have this addressed as a performance issue. Being able to communicate appropriately and professionally is an essential part of admin roles.

[ittakes2]

Being called my surname wouldn't bother me. I'd assume it's a cultural thing. I am a bit surprised this bothers you so much - do you have other issues with this guy and this is one of many?

[PeterBlue]

It was the convention here until the 1960s. I've seen business letters from the 1950s and earlier starting "Dear Smith" (or whatever) and the were regarded as informal ones! Certainly my all boys school in the late 60s early 70s used surnames only.

[SwiftAnchor]

I definitely think it's a cultural thing. I work with a lot of international students and lots of them call me (both face to face and over email) as my surname.

[Kursk]

Normal for certain countries, it's also normal for anyone with a military background

[UmmKultum]

No issues with him, he's just begun.

I have never, in my entire professional career, been addressed at work by my last name alone. It really doesn't fit into the organization culture ether despite there being employees from all over. Even being formal with titles is odd.

But, hey whatever works for hm, I just emailed him back and asked him to use dr. Last name until he feels comfort moving to first names. I pointed out that in MY culture using people's last names alone is associated with the military and prison and that I don't like it. I hope he can respect that.

[TallulahBetty]

Definitely if you don't like it and asked him to call you what you prefer, he would then be rude to not respect that.

[PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon]

Meh, I wouldn't get so worked up by it. I get called by a shortened version of my last name (think Rich instead of Richards type name). I also do it back to people. It's no big deal.
I probably wouldn't do it if I had never met the person though

[Viviennemary]

I expect it is a cultural thing. Somebody should just put him right in a kind way.