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AIBU?

To think my iPad is private?

52 replies

Thesestreetsusedtolookpretty · 23/08/2017 15:12

I think I've probably been rude. Am I weirdly uptight about my IT? I have reason to be but maybe that is unusual.

Mum visiting. Asked where my iPad was so she could look something up.

I said id get it for her later, it's got passwords and there are things open on it I'd need to close down. I couldn't actually remember if password protection was enabled. But i didn't want her looking at other things open.

Went to my bedroom later and found my iPad plugged in charging. She had gone in to find it to bring it to me, it didn't have much charge so she plugged it in.

I was mortified as there are things open that I really didn't want her to see. In fact there were email message alerts on screen.

Was I unreasonable to be annoyed? i told her it was private and she shouldn't have gone to get it.

As background, yesterday she read a letter she found because she didn't think it was private. It wasnt ideal. But I didn't say anything.

We hadn't seen each other in over a year so it's not like we have an established easiness about my home and privacy.

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 23/08/2017 15:13

YANBU

PickAChew · 23/08/2017 15:14

Does she not have a phone she can use?

ImperialBlether · 23/08/2017 15:14

She needs to get some boundaries. I wouldn't be seeing her for another year if she did that to me!

SillyLittleBiscuit · 23/08/2017 15:14

The iPad would annoy me - it's like a phone! - but the letter more so.

LemonRedwood · 23/08/2017 15:16

YANBU but if you are that private turn off the lock screen notifications, otherwise anyone can see them.

Happytobefree17 · 23/08/2017 15:17

Wow I would not be happy if anyone just went into my bedroom let alone take my iPad without my permission. YADNBU

thekillers · 23/08/2017 15:19

Shared in our house, iPad is like a home phone-anyone picks them up and uses them.

mounyaandyiolanda · 23/08/2017 15:38

It's shared in my house. Phone is slightly different but if someone was so possessive of their iPad I'd think they were a weirdo. Sorry!

Thesestreetsusedtolookpretty · 23/08/2017 15:39

I keep it in my bedside cabinet. Maybe i should turn off the notifications.

I'm possibly a bit oversensitive about boundaries so difficult to know what's a proportionate reaction.

I'm wondering if she thinks of iPads like you do thekillers.
I think they left early because I said it. Feeling a bit gutted. Oh well.

OP posts:
PollyFlint · 23/08/2017 16:06

Shared in our house, iPad is like a home phone-anyone picks them up and uses them.

But the OP's mother isn't a member of the household. She is a visitor. And if someone visits your house, they generally ask if they want to use the home phone, surely? And when they do use it, they don't dial into your voicemail and listen to your private messages.

Phone is slightly different but if someone was so possessive of their iPad I'd think they were a weirdo. Sorry!

What's weird about not wanting your mother to see your private emails, messages, banking apps, potentially naughty photos,
or potentially embarrassing internet browsing history? Just because your iPad is a family affair it doesn't mean everyone's is. Plenty of people use them for personal stuff and they don't routinely share them with someone else, they won't have their apps closed down.

Absolutely fine if you have a family iPad for the kids to play games and watch films and stuff, but that isn't actually how most adults use a tablet and there is nothing 'weird' about having a personal iPad. Would you go through someone's filing cabinet or their diary? That's effectively what an iPad is for most people.

I wouldn't dream of going to someone else's house and picking up their iPad to use without asking first.

thekillers · 23/08/2017 16:08

But the OP's mother isn't a member of the household. She is a visitor. And if someone visits your house, they generally ask if they want to use the home phone, surely? And when they do use it, they don't dial into your voicemail and listen to your private messages.

Not family? I would use the phone in their house and they would use the phone in mine. I am talking about landline not mobile- we don't have voice mail on landline.

Family make their own coffee, get food from the fridge, replace the loo roll etc. us the phone. Switch on the tv if they want etc

thekillers · 23/08/2017 16:10

We have our own laptops and/or desktops. The iPads are communal.

Nikephorus · 23/08/2017 16:12

YANBU - you made it clear you'd get it later i.e. she couldn't have it now, yet she went and helped herself. Bang out of order.

MaidOfStars · 23/08/2017 16:16

I am fiercely protective of my privacy, as is my husband. No shared devices, accounts, emails or whatever here. I once told him off for going into my coat pocket for keys - it feels wrong.

Tell your Mum to get her own iPad.

ImperialBlether · 23/08/2017 16:19

@thekillers - the OP hasn't seen her mother for a year, so can't you see it's different to your immediate family?

A lot of private information is kept on an iPad - emails, diary, online banking etc. Of course the OP has the right to keep it private.

Firesuit · 23/08/2017 16:21

Phone is slightly different but if someone was so possessive of their iPad I'd think they were a weirdo.

The intrinsic differences between an ipad and a phone are (a) bigger screen and (b) can't make mobile phone calls on an ipad. Neither of these are relevant to the need for privacy. If someone has the exact same apps installed on their ipad as their phone then the privacy requirements for both will be the same.

m4rdybum · 23/08/2017 16:40

What kind of kinky email subscriptions have you got then OP? Hmm

On a serious note though, it is weird she went to find it after you said you'd get it for her shortly. That is rude/invasive.

OvO · 23/08/2017 16:46

Yanbu.

I don't have anything dodgy or perricularly secret on my iPad but I still deleted every last thing when I passed my last one onto my DH.

I don't let people use my iPad unless I've had a chance to close my pages/delete history. I don't need anyone seeing the Teen Wolf fanfic I'm reading or the embarrassing health questions I've googled. BlushGrin

It's just about respecting other people property plus realising that a computer can often have private info on it.

OvO · 23/08/2017 16:48

Particularly.

Goddamn fat fingers.

FuzzyOwl · 23/08/2017 16:49

I don't think she was BU to ask and expect to be allowed to use it but she was BU to find it and charge it. She was also BU regarding the letter.

Thesestreetsusedtolookpretty · 23/08/2017 16:54

If I said everything that was open/easily accessible I'd be accused of drip feeding. But I did say in the OP that I had good reason to protect my privacy.

One example, there was an email account open that had been used re therapy. Not sure it's fair to judge her on that as not typical but it's why I felt so bad. I'm still feeling embarrassed she might have read those.

While that could be considered a drip feed, I also more generally consider the content personal and private. MN account, health Google's etc.

I can only assume she treats her IT like some posters here who find the privacy weird. I wish I had bitten my tongue. More so, I wish I had hidden the bloody tablet.

OP posts:
Doyouthinktheysaurus · 23/08/2017 16:54

iPads are the same as phones in this house, private! We each have our own account and what is on our iPad mirrors our phones completely.

I wouldn't want my mum taking my iPad to use without asking, she'd find out I'm on MN and my username for starters! Plus it's about boundaries and respect, I don't even look at dh's phone or iPad without permission and vice versa.

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thekillers · 23/08/2017 16:55

@thekillers - the OP hasn't seen her mother for a year, so can't you see it's different to your immediate family?

I only see some of my family once a year- they are still welcome at anytime to have the run of my house (and our iPads). They are family.

I only go to one of my relatives infrequently- would have no hesitation to pick up their ipad and use it (and they would expect me to). They don't live in a 3 or 4g signal and so only internet through broadband and i would use theirs rather than get the key to use my own.

Not saying it is the only way- just explaining our family way.

321zerobaby · 23/08/2017 17:05

Anything kept in your bedside cabinet is definitely private.

Siwdmae · 23/08/2017 17:14

I don't think it's relevant for pp to say how they treat their ipads and debate re it's family, therefore this or that should happen. The OP told her mum she would get the iPad later yet the DM still went off, found it in the cabinet and plugged it in. I don't find that appropriate.

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