AIBU to say no to my teenager becoming vegan.

[Abloodybigholeintheground]

My 15 yr old daughter has messaged me about wanting to become vegan (she is currently away staying with friends for a month). She became vegetarian a few months ago and it has been extremely hard to get her to eat a decent diet as she has always been a very fussy eater with an extremely restrictive palate. When she ate meat she was just the same but we had a few meals that she loved and ate well. She has spent a lot of the past few months refusing veggie meals I have prepared as she doesn't like them, she doesn't like most veggie substitutes (sausages etc), is not a fan of any spicy food....she has been a nightmare to feed and god knows what she eats at school! Now I don't have an issue with the ethical side of things despite the fact that we live in a rural farming community and our work roles are part of the farming community. We also keep our own animal species for eggs and meat so that we can be producing high welfare local food. But I understand environmentally and ethically if she is not happy with eating animal products. However with her very picking eating, with our incredibly busy lifestyles and two other kids to feed, our limited access to shops that stock much in the range of veggie or vegan foodstuffs, the lack of vegan food at school (and packed lunches are not an option) and the fact that she doesn't ever cook and if she doesn't eat with the family she will just have a bagel or toast, AIBU to say to her that becoming a vegan at this stage is just not workable for her or for us?

[christinarossetti]

If she wants to become began at 15 years old, she needs to actively research vegan nutrition, recipes etc.

Veganism is a proactive dietary preference. It's much more than 'not eating' meat or animal products.

It's not hard to be vegan these days; plant milks etc are widely available, but it does need her to take the initiative

[christinarossetti]

And she needs to learn to cook.

Or is it an eating disorders that you're worried about?

[MissionItsPossible]

Support her by leaving links to vegan recipes online or elsewhere and by suggesting the best times to go to the supermarket to pick up the ingredients she will need to cook her alternative meals.

[Tamatoa]

Why don't you give her her own budget, let her do online food shops and cook her own meals?

[Justanothernameonthepage]

At 15 she should be allowed some say - but she should do what she can to make it easier. She's old enough to plan and cook.
So she sits down and helps with a fortnights meal plans at a time.
So if she plans a bean stew and olive oil mash, you can also cook sausages for everyone else. Fajitas with mushroom and black bean filling etc.
Look for a vegan fair/roadshow near you so she can go and try alternatives to find one she likes.

[FuzzyOwl]

An eating disorder was the first thing that came to my mind. It is much easier and socially acceptable to say you don't eat things because you are vegan/vegetarian/gluten free etc rather than saying you are fussy or starving yourself.

[Hillarious]

She needs to take responsibility herself for this decision and work with you to produce food she (and even the rest of the family) will happily eat.

I have a friend who is extremely health conscious and sticks to a largely vegan/raw diet, but does eat fish to give her the nutritional balance she feels she needs, ie her diet is chosen for health rather than ethical reasons. Your DD should be prepared to discuss her reasons for wishing to be vegan with you.

[AlpacaLipsNow]

If she can convince you she is willing to put the effort in by making meal plans, practical shopping lists and learning to cook the recipes for a balanced diet then let her. She must understand she can't put this on you and has to take responsibility. That'll show you how determined she is.

[SaucyJack]

What does she like?

I don't like most meat substitutes TBH. They're dry and tasteless. I'm not fussy tho- quite the opposite.

[ConfusedLlama]

I was vegetarian at 15, my DMum was very reluctant to let me as my Dsis had previously been veggie and only eaten pizza, beans on toast and generally not had a healthy diet.

My Dm struck a deal with me that if I could prove I was serious about being vegetarian and show her that I wasn't going to use it as an excuse to eat unhealthily then she would fully support me. This involved me sorting out, cooking and occasionally buying my own food.

Could this be an option for you and your daughter? That she would need to show she can be vegan and have a healthy diet. Prehaps you could get her a quick and easy vegan recipe book for her to have a look at and find out from the school if there are any options for vegans?

[Abloodybigholeintheground]

No worries about eating disorder, this is about her making ethical choices. She is just so fussy. She'll eat plenty of what she likes. Cooking is also the issue-she doesn't do it! And I cannot see how she will change that. There is no option for her to nip to a supermarket as we live miles from one and she travels to and from school by bus. I could online shop and get loads of stuff delivered that we can't find locally but that is something that I try hard NOT to do-local (as in miles from us!!) shops and businesses are struggling as it is so I like to support them. The changes will all have to be done by me unless she suddenly becomes a motivated chef and food planner and since nothing at all changed when she switched to being veggie....I'm not anticipating this!

[MaryLennoxsScowl]

Tell her she can do a week's trial if she shops and cooks for the family during that week and demonstrates she can make a balanced diet.

(I bet she eats chips at school - vegan and yummy!)

[ConfusedLlama]

I should add that by the time my DM was happy that I was serious, I was starting to really enjoy cooking for myself and discovering new recipes. Where as before my DM had done all the cooking for me. It could be beneficial for you DD to gain some cooking skills and confidence in providing for herself.

[HoHoHoHo]

I think ywbu to force her to eat animal products but definitely not be unreasonable to insist she makes her own food

[MaryLennoxsScowl]

You will help by taking her to the shop and buying the groceries at the weekend, and you might agree to pop to the shops once during the week, but other than that she has to have thought it out in advance so she gets what she needs.

[fakenamefornow]

YABU. What's the alternative, force feeding her. Let her take more responsibility for her own food so you don't have to.

If you are worried about eating disorders than that's a different matter altogether.

btw why can't she take packed lunches to school?

[Floralnomad]

The changes don't have to be done by you , just give her a budget and let her get on with it . Unless you are concerned about eating disorders you can't really be micro managing the diet of a 15/16 yr old .

[Ilikehappy]

I'd tell her you want to support her becoming Vegan if it's important to her, but you are concerned about her getting the right nutrition since she doesn't like a lot of the foods that are reasonable easy for you to prepare. Tell her if she can do as a pp says and write out a food plan with meals that will give her the proper nutrition, that she will eat and which you or she can easily prepare in the time available you will do it.

[grandOlejukeofYork]

just tell her you're not a restaurant and you aren't going to make separate vegan meals especially when she is so picky.

Let her do it herself and she will last about 5 mins as a vegan.

[WiganPierre]

I think you have a right to say no if she is living under your roof and you are cooking for the family. It's something she can do later if/when she moves away from home and does her own food shop and cooking.

[Amee1992x]

I don't really know many vegan recepies but Momani Frost on YouTube posts recepies and lunch box ideas. I recently made her cauliflower hot wings 😍

[Amee1992x]

Not because we are vegan or we want to be, just because they looked good & I follow her for beauty vlogs

[5rivers7hills]

"Great that you are taking such an interest in ethics DD! When you get home we'll need to sit down together and you can give me your menu plan of 14 evening meals that present a balanced first and will be easy for me to incorporate in with the family cooking or for you to cook yourself. "

[CruCru]

Does this mean that you would effectively have to make a separate meal for her at every breakfast / lunch / dinner? If so, then I think you can reasonably refuse.

I know that PPs have said that she will have to cook / demonstrate that she will be able to eat a balanced diet - I'm not certain that at 15 I would have done this (and I was a reasonably sensible - if "young" - teenager).