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To report my 'd'm for theft

(85 Posts)
cunningstunnt Wed 23-Aug-17 13:58:45

I've posted about my financially abusive DM before. While very drunk last week I attempted suicide and ended up in intensive care.

My mum has been very erratic ever since. From initiating hugs (we dont hug) to screaming at me and reducing me to tears when she knocked over a cup of coffee.

I'm struggling to cope and am very isolated so went out for a few drinks. Which turned into a lot. When I got home I went to sleep, and when I woke up mum had taken my purse with all my bank cards in put of my bag and hidden it.

This morning she's refused to give it back. She's told me to move out but wont give me back my cards so I can! I rang 101 in tears and they wanted to send someone over as it's theft. Thinking that was a bit extreme I asked if we could wait and I'd ask her again. She refused point blank. She even said if I wanted to stay with my dad (3 hours away), she would buy my train ticket online with my money and I could collect it at the train station, but she was still keeping the cards.

I've told the police they can go over there to get them back and speak to her but I'm terrified of the consequences. I'm 29 ffs sad

Anecdoche Wed 23-Aug-17 14:01:40

you have cancelled all your cards i hope.

yes. call the police. it may be the only way you can get your things back.

is going to stay with your dad until you can find somewhere to live an option?

you need to get out from under your mother.

and if you havent already, cancel your cards so she cant use them.

cunningstunnt Wed 23-Aug-17 14:05:01

I've cancelled two of the three but if she wants me out today I'll leave myself with no cards til they send out new ones.

cunningstunnt Wed 23-Aug-17 14:05:54

And yes I can stay with my dad indefinitely until he gets sick of me too

Anecdoche Wed 23-Aug-17 14:11:41

can your dad help you get to him?

cunningstunnt Wed 23-Aug-17 14:14:32

Not really. He's in hospital having tests today so I don't want to add to his plate. Really I can't leave before Friday as my new cards won't be here til then, and I have a doctor appt that I can't missed after what I did last week, so rushing 3 hours away is a bad idea.

As I write that the thought of spending another night in her house makes me feel sick.

stormytherabbit Wed 23-Aug-17 14:14:39

Are you diagnosed with BPD?
The drinking and impulsive suicide attempts would match the profile- I know because that was me this time last year.

Please report your DM for theft and ask about a women's refuge to get away from her- it sounds extreme but it's what I had to do to get away from my father. Message me any time. I've been there and there is a way out, I promise.

cunningstunnt Wed 23-Aug-17 14:17:16

Thank you stormy! I have ptsd and depression. I haven't been diagnosed with bpd or anything else but I suspect something along those lines. I'm very impulsive and 'extreme' in my behaviours.

I will see what the police say later and see about a refuge. Thanks so much I hadn't even thought of that

stormytherabbit Wed 23-Aug-17 14:22:27

Please know that your DMs bizarre, erratic behaviour is abusive.
If your dm had attempted suicide would you be acting the way towards her that she is to you? I am certain you wouldn't. (I know because my parents are the same)

You WILL be given somewhere safe to get yourself together and focus on your mental health which is the most important thing. I am truly emphasising with your situation.

If possible try to stay away from the drink because it exacerbates all of your sadness and loneliness and pain and that's when you will 'act out' or feel the need to end your life. (I know it's easier said than done to stay away from the drink because it 'helps' I've been there.)

I hope you're okay. Your life is worth living and you can be whatever you want to be.

cunningstunnt Wed 23-Aug-17 14:29:07

I took the pills during a blackout and have no recollection of feeling suicidal. It's totally out of character. However you are right, my mum is an abusive bully and I do need to get out. I don't drink when I'm at my dad's (he's teetotal and has never drunk alcohol) and when I'm calm and happy I don't need to drink. I'm dreading going home if the police have been. I mentioned in another post my street is very gossipy, and with 3 ambulances and 4 police cars turning up in the last 3 weeks they're going to have yet more gossip! Mum will be furious

Ginorchoc Wed 23-Aug-17 14:31:34

Is she doing it to stop you going out drinking so you don't have any money?

StormTreader Wed 23-Aug-17 14:34:36

I remember your previous post, I'm so sorry to hear that you're still in this horrible situation flowers

stormytherabbit Wed 23-Aug-17 14:34:49

I did see that post! I didn't recognise it as you sorry.

Just smile and say 'all is well! Thanks for your concern.' If anyone asks.. easier said than done I know.
If your DMs main concern is 'what will the neighbours think?' - as opposed to 'my DD tried to take her own life! We must help her'
She's fucked up. (No offence, it's not your fault)

Apart from her other abusive behaviours she has stolen your access to money which is CONTROLLING and ISOLATING- which is the opposite of what you need.

PetitFilous123 Wed 23-Aug-17 14:37:15

is it possible your mum has taken your money so you can't go out and drink?

cunningstunnt Wed 23-Aug-17 14:40:42

petit and Ginorchoc that is what she is saying. However at 11 am I agreed to pack a bag and leave and she still wouldn't return my cards so I couldn't afford a train ticket.

I've tried my bank and they won't I've emergency cash without id, which is in the purse that she's taken...

schoolgaterebel Wed 23-Aug-17 14:46:16

Please phone the police and have them send someone over.

Have your bag packed ready so when they make her hand over your purse you can leave immediately.

She is abusive and probably adding to your problems. Please continue to seek help and support when you are at you DF house.

Viviennemary Wed 23-Aug-17 14:46:18

I agree your Mum has probably taken the cards to stop you from drinking. She's probably at her wits end on how to deal with this. I also agree that you should move out as soon as possible. It sounds a dreadful situation for you both. You sound as if you need support and she is unable to give you it.

stormytherabbit Wed 23-Aug-17 14:47:32

Please call 101 and report the theft of your property. You don't need to charge her but you need access your funds and ID.

OP said she isn't a regular drinker so I don't think her DM is justified in taking her daughters property to stop her from buying alcohol , it's just another form of abuse

cunningstunnt Wed 23-Aug-17 14:50:12

Viviennemary I do feel bad for what I'm putting her thru, but she has her own mh issues and I have 100% financially supported her for three years. Yet I get walked over and treated like a slave, screamed at for the most minor things while my 'd'b does sod all, does pay rent, and owes me money for rent for a masters he got kicked off and just spent it anyway. He called me a cunt when I called him out on it.

I just feel worthless. I'm anxious and depressed all the time. I have no friends and live in isolation. If she was a bit more understanding we could find some compromises but it's always her way or no way

cunningstunnt Wed 23-Aug-17 14:50:59

Db doesn't pay rent! Typi

User02 Wed 23-Aug-17 14:51:30

I am with PetitFilous on this. Probably DM is trying to ensure that you can not drink and attempt suicide again. The suggestion of going to you DDad's house where there is no alcohol and you dont drink there is likely a measure to stop your drinking.
Maybe DM is very worried and with excessive drinking, a suicide attempt and 3 ambulances and 4 police cars in recent weeks is not really average events. DM could be in a real state of stress and exhaustion and at the end of her rope.
Have you seen any professionals re drinking and suicide attempt yet.

User02 Wed 23-Aug-17 14:56:29

Oh heavens with the further information about a DB who flunked a university course and does nothing and a daughter who drinks and attempts suicide no wonder DM is at her wits end. If OP is 29 DM is likely to be over 50 and maybe just wants to have peace in her life.

stormytherabbit Wed 23-Aug-17 15:06:49

Regardless of whether OPs DM 'wants some peace' she is financially abusive.

OP TRIED TO KILL HERSELF- why is she getting a hard time?!

Viviennemary Wed 23-Aug-17 15:10:49

That puts a different slant on things if you've supported her financially. But it does sound she has a lot on her plate with her own mental health problems and both you and your brother going through difficult times. You need to get away from that house as your first priority and look after yourself without worrying about those two.

RaspberryMousse Wed 23-Aug-17 15:12:06

Is your brother the Golden Child by any chance? He who can do no wrong while you are the Scapegoat?

I'd certainly be calling the police to get her to return your cards and purse and then get the hell out of there not to return. I'd bet all my worldly possessions that your mental health would drastically improve without her overbearing, abusive influence in your life.

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