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.. To be furious at DH's ex Wife?

(466 Posts)
SSDGM Wed 23-Aug-17 13:03:01

DH split up with the mother of his kids years before he met me. In fact he had another 10 year long relationship in between us. Now their youngest DD is 19 and in employment the time has come to sell the house (or her to buy him out) as agreed. However she's changed her mind and is pleading poverty. She's ignored solicitors letters and mediation requests or left any correspondence to the last minute and has said she's about to be out of a job due to illness. DH has had enough and has instructed solicitors that Mediation will not work and to go straight to court. She now wants him to just sign it all over to her and walk away.
I'm fuming because I have 2 now adult DS's from my first marriage and after their father and I split I made a point to ramp up my career to look after us all where she has just ignored the passing of time and can't now cope without the maintenance and tax credits she got before her DS/ my DSD was of age. I have a little nest egg put away for a house deposit and earn a decent salary. She has now said she will come after MY money and she will be given the house they shared by the courts because she's poorer than I am.
DH is self employed and earns less than I do.

AIBU to want to get involved? How dare she sit on her arse working part time for years after the kids were old enough to take care of themselves and then piss and moan it's unfair that we have a nice life and should give her everything. I've always been nice to her to keep the peace, but I'm losing patience. Why can't she just bugger off?

DressedCrab Wed 23-Aug-17 13:04:22

Tell her to take it to court, she'll get a shock.

KimmySchmidt1 Wed 23-Aug-17 13:07:31

the woman doesnt know what she is going on about and is trying to scare you - if she has agreed in the divorce to a particular route, and the children are grown up and not living at home, and she has had years to prepare for the change, I cant see how she would get the house.

Nomoreboomandbust Wed 23-Aug-17 13:11:02

Get a solicitor

SSDGM Wed 23-Aug-17 13:11:41

We did see a solicitor about a year ago for the first time after his DS announced she wasn't going back to education. The solicitor advised he could go for 50% of the house so he asked her for 25% to call it quits before we married this Feb. She dragged it on until it was too late and we were already married. I believe because she now thinks they will take our combined earnings into account. Every request for a meeting is met with she is ill or her solicitor is on holiday. We can't buy our own house without him off the mortgage. I owe her nothing and it's vile she is punishing me for him leaving her 15 years ago (something I had nothing to do with).

OnionKnight Wed 23-Aug-17 13:14:24

Let it go to court, the ex wife is in for a nasty surprise.

SSDGM Wed 23-Aug-17 13:15:16

Sorry, I probably didn't make it too clear, we have now got a solicitor after she decided to ignore his requests to put it all to bed. However, the details were are getting from him are wishy-washy and she's refusing to show DH the mortgage/ endowment statement "because they have her bank details on it".

jay55 Wed 23-Aug-17 13:15:23

If they go to court it'll eat into the equity and she'll be a lot worse off.

Cornettoninja Wed 23-Aug-17 13:16:44

It's not a nice situation but you sound ott in your hatred of this woman....

Look you said yourself you have a nice life so take a breath and remind yourself that this situation has very little impact on your day to day life.

I would be interested in what this health issue is for starters, is it something impacting on your dss and does he possibly need a bit of tlc and support?

The court might give a larger share of the house to her if her earning power is severely diminished and I can understand her wanting a home even if her son is old enough to earn and stand on his own to feet. I think most of us would like to think we are an option for shelter however old our kids are.

Finally I'm not sure why you're using her part time hours as a stick to beat her with when by your own admission your dp barely earns anything and is self employed. Neither of them are exactly pushing self made millionaire boundaries are they?

SSDGM Wed 23-Aug-17 13:19:27

Sorry, questions arising as I'm typing all this.. DD is 19, working and still lives with her Mum.. Will that effect things? ExW also said she wanted to give the house to the girls but we already gave his Eldest DD (28, married, kids) a few £k last year for a house deposit for a wedding present. We asked his DD not to tell her mum but we don't know if she hasn't

iogo Wed 23-Aug-17 13:20:34

If your solicitor is being wishy washy then get another one. She's in for a shock. I'm pretty sure that seeing as their relationship broke down 15 years ago and you're newly married, the court won't take your money into account.

ADishBestEatenCold Wed 23-Aug-17 13:20:38

"She's ignored solicitors letters and mediation requests"

I think the time has come for your DH to go court, seeking 50%. (Stupid to ask for less, because this is all going to cost him).

She's failing to respond to solicitor and mediation, so there is nothing else to do.

LoyaltyAndLobster Wed 23-Aug-17 13:21:51

If I were you I would stay out of it.

SSDGM Wed 23-Aug-17 13:23:08

Cornetto I didn't say he barely earns anything, I said he earns less than I do.
Would you not be furious if someone said they could take what was yours and you had rightfully earned because they could?

The part time hours point is because regardless of having childcare on her doorstep when the youngest DD was at school she didn't prepare for her future and now the preparations I made for mine to enjoy my time post- child rearing are being threatened with going in her pockets. I work for my family, not her and we see all our kids are ok.

TempusEejit Wed 23-Aug-17 13:24:43

Does your DH have an actual charge on the house/mesher order?

Nomoreboomandbust Wed 23-Aug-17 13:25:25

Hard to stay out of your dhs business and problems though Loyalty

I think you have to go to court and all lance the boil.

AvoidingCallenetics Wed 23-Aug-17 13:25:47

Perhaps if her career was adversly affected by being primary carer for the children, she could maybe argue that she is entitled to a bigger share of the house. But I don't see what your money has got to do with anything - you didn't marry her!
Agree that you need a less wishy washy solicitor.

Nomoreboomandbust Wed 23-Aug-17 13:26:20

And I would be furious too op.

ADishBestEatenCold Wed 23-Aug-17 13:26:24

"She has now said she will come after MY money and she will be given the house they shared by the courts because she's poorer than I am."

How on earth does she know about your "nest egg" and "decent salary"?

OVienna Wed 23-Aug-17 13:26:45

YANBU. Court.

SonicBoomBoom Wed 23-Aug-17 13:27:04

Get a new solicitor if you're not finding him helpful or proactive.

She's going to be very disappointed, I think.

5rivers7hills Wed 23-Aug-17 13:27:15

Get a better solicitor.
Go to court.
Ask for 50%. You'll be silly to go for anything less.

jojo2916 Wed 23-Aug-17 13:27:22

Definitely time for court she is behaving incredibly unfairly

OutToGetYou Wed 23-Aug-17 13:30:03

I wouldn't be furious they said that, because I would know it was not true and that it had nothing to do with me.

If she won't deal with letters re the house, he has to go to court. That's all there is to it. Get another solicitor.

FuzzyOwl Wed 23-Aug-17 13:30:49

From the sounds of things, considering you've been trying to sort this out for a year, this is going to cost loads in legal fees so I agree with going for 50% and court asap. I hope it goes well for you.

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