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Sister never offers

(129 Posts)
10greenapples Mon 21-Aug-17 17:58:19

I know I'm probably being U but I thought i would ask anyway to see whats normal in other families. I am a single mum to 4. I recently fell out with my mum who would offer to have my kids all the time to give me a break (usually the oldest 2 but occasionally 3, not the baby as she's bf) anyway since falling out with her she hasn't seen my children, so I literally haven't had a break in over 2 months. My sister has literally not once offered to help out. Despite me saying how tired I am. How I don't get any time to myself etc. aibu in thinking she could offer. I use to have her son all the time as a baby/young child.

PinkHeart5911 Mon 21-Aug-17 18:01:57


she doesn't have to & she has dc of her own that will be her priority. You can't say well I use to look after her ds as it doesn't really work like that.

Sorry you've not had a break but it's not your sisters job to offer to have your dc.

GoldTippedFeather Mon 21-Aug-17 18:02:07

Is this a reverse?

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 21-Aug-17 18:02:23

Instead of waiting for her to offer perhaps just ask her if she could help.

However, if she only has one child it may be that the thought of another 3 (0r 4) is too overwhelming to her.

What about the kids Dad(s)? Don't they ever have them. Ask him/them for help.

chips4teaplease Mon 21-Aug-17 18:02:43

I suppose if you had her single child, your sister should take one of yours at a time, occasionally, to be fair. three or four children - way too many if you aren't used to dealing with them on a daily basis. Perhaps your sister thinks you shouldn't have fallen out with your mum?
How old are the children? You have a breastfed baby but how old are the other three? Are any of them due to go back/to school? Is the father/s no use for childcare?

Justgivemesomepeace Mon 21-Aug-17 18:03:17

My sister never offers but if I ask she always will. Have you asked?

Gorgosparta Mon 21-Aug-17 18:03:31

Looking after 1 child is very different to looking aftee 4 and your own child.

Maybe she feels she couldnt cope.

Have you asked?

While it would be nice of her tondo, she isnt undernobligation to do it. And she certainly isn't under any obligation to pick up the slack because of the fall out with your mum.

Does she think the fall out is silly and doesnt want to shoulder want to be the one that picks up the slack for it?

Maplestaple Mon 21-Aug-17 18:04:06

Yabu they are your children. Surely you get your time at night when they sleep?

I have 4dc and no help, DH works long hours and I relax when they are in bed.

NicolasFlamel Mon 21-Aug-17 18:06:02

You can't expect her to willingly take your four children because you used to watch her child. One child. It's completely different.

TroysMammy Mon 21-Aug-17 18:06:09

At the beginning of the school holidays I told my sister I was free every afternoon and all weekend. I've had my niece one afternoon for 4 hours. I hope she doesn't throw it in my face when my niece goes back to school.

Did you ask your sister if she wanted to do something with your children during the holidays or did you just say you were tired hoping she would take the hint?

10greenapples Mon 21-Aug-17 18:06:56

Yeh they will be back at school the oldest two anyway. She doesn't even offer to have one. And not a reverse aibu. I get that she doesn't have to but would be nice! (She's also not talking to my mum for the same reason) the dad is not involved at all through choice.

BrieAndChilli Mon 21-Aug-17 18:08:37

No one apart from you and the children's father is obliged to look after your children. If you are tired and need a break hire a babysitter.

10greenapples Mon 21-Aug-17 18:09:12

I but I don't think having a husband is comparable to be a single parent!

Anyway no I don't get time whilst they are asleep as baby doesn't sleep till 12-1 and by then I'm exhausted. And she regularly wakes throughout the night

coconutpie Mon 21-Aug-17 18:09:45

YABU. Neither your sister nor your mother are obliged to look after your DC. If you need a break, hire a babysitter. Does their father pay maintenance? If not, get that sorted out.

Copperbeech33 Mon 21-Aug-17 18:09:59

YABU, to expect either your mother or your sister to have your children ever.

they are your children. You chose to have them. you chose to accept full responsibility for them for the years until their independence.

I don't think there are likely to be many single parents around who expect breaks every month.

Its your job. Get on with it

10greenapples Mon 21-Aug-17 18:10:52

Even the father isn't obligated though. He wants nothing to do with them.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Mon 21-Aug-17 18:11:00

I havent had a break in 3 years. Yabu.

10greenapples Mon 21-Aug-17 18:12:52

"I don't think there are likely to be many single parents around who expect breaks every month."

^^ really?! Most dads see their kids so the mums do get a break and more than once a month.

Gorgosparta Mon 21-Aug-17 18:13:44

I dont think most dads do see their kids.

There are plenty that dont.

dangermouseisace Mon 21-Aug-17 18:14:31


My sister (and hubby) has never, ever offered to have the kids, in the 11 years I've had them! I've been a single mum for much of that.

I'd rather they didn't offer than feel obligated and not feel confident in what they were doing, or hate every minute.

10greenapples Mon 21-Aug-17 18:14:59

Ok maybe I am wrong. I had this idea in my head that if people told there family they were struggling and needed a break most other families would try to help. Must have been wrong! Well atleast I'm not missing anything then.

formerbabe Mon 21-Aug-17 18:15:44

Some very unkind replies on here.

Op...I don't think your sister is being unreasonable. You have four children... I'd happily babysit one or two of my sister's children as she would for me but four is a very daunting prospect. Having said that I can imagine you are exhausted especially if your youngest isn't sleeping through the night. I think you should tell your sister and see if she'd help you? Maybe your older DC could go to a playdate or holiday club for a day and ask your sister to have the younger ones?

babybigapple Mon 21-Aug-17 18:16:17

Presumably if you have a baby young enough to be bf then the father has been involved within the last couple of years? Did you not work out he was a tosser after the first 3 kids?

GoldTippedFeather Mon 21-Aug-17 18:16:49

Where are your children's father? Why isn't he helping to look after his own children?

Deemail Mon 21-Aug-17 18:16:58

Have you told your sister you're struggling and need a break?

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