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AIBU?

Friend smells.. wwyd?

108 replies

Jamylollypop88 · 21/08/2017 16:03

i have to get advice on how to tell my friend please.i don't want to be mean or sounds mean or upset her how but how on earth do you talk to someone about their personal hygiene? This has always been a issue on my part il admit because I'm the one with the issue but I have to talk her. She's never been much of a bather will happily go days with out washing and yes openly admits this. I'm not the only one who has noticed.
Right .. few weeks ago we went for a few drinks together after a few i popped to the loo and she followed me in and popped in cubicle next to me, she called me into the cubicle to zip her dress back up and omg I nearly vomited!
This sounds so mean but I had to hold my breath! 100percent no word of a lie! The smell of what can only be described as fish (old fish)was horrendous I can't even explain!
I got out side the bar and I vomited every where with the smell still in my nose sad I don't have any sensitivity to bad smells but it was unlike anything I have ever smelt. I need to tell her sad what the hell do I say?? WWUD? Repeat thread as may get better advice on here.

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Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2017 16:09

I would tell her you have something really sensitive to talk to her about, and although you don't want to hurt her feelings, you need to tell her. Then tell her as nicely as possible how bad she smells and that the reason you're so concerned is that other people have mentioned it, too.

This is no doubt a tough conversation but I know I would tell her. I don't know how you can stand to be around her.

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SerfTerf · 21/08/2017 16:11

Gosh someone's busy today.

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Jamylollypop88 · 21/08/2017 16:11

Sounds awful!
But I find it difficult it's harder when she's wearing a skirt there's a lingering smell of gone off milk oh god sounds disgusting but I can't explain it

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Jamylollypop88 · 21/08/2017 16:12

Would a text be better ? But I nice one or face to face? Face to face might hurt her feelings more ? Oh I dunno

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PennyTentiary · 21/08/2017 16:30

Why two identical threads? Just be honest. "Look, we're good enough friends that I hope we can be totally honest with each other about anything and I'd rather it be me who tells you than a stranger or colleague. I know you say you will go days without washing but on more than one occasion I have noticed an unpleasant smell. You might not notice it though so please don't feel embarrassed. You might just want to make sure you do have a wash each day".

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CaoNiMartacus · 21/08/2017 16:31

You pull her aside and say, "Oi, mate. Yer minge stinks of a fish market. Now sling yer hook (lol) and get washed."

Hmm

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ArgyMargy · 21/08/2017 16:32

Show her one of the eleventy million MN threads about how not showering every hour makes you a totally disgusting person.

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LoyaltyAndLobster · 21/08/2017 16:34

Well just tell her in the nicest way possible, I'm sure she'll thank you for it.

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Hillingdon · 21/08/2017 16:36

Rather like the grossly overweight man who slopped down beside me coming back from the US. He asked to put up the arm rest because he said he was uncomfortable! He then a couple of times tried to smell his armpits and gave a little smile afterwards as though to say 'all ok' I don't smell!

Well you do, it was disgusting and vile

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flickertee · 21/08/2017 19:27

Maybe she has BV... gets worse the more imperial leather you use to wash your foof Grin

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Jedimum1 · 21/08/2017 19:36

If you are prepared to say who has commented, tell her that a few people have commented and you've also noticed. Say that you thought she might need to go to GP and check because this kind of smell is usually related to infections and her nose might have got used to it and she doesn't notice. Don't tell her about the showering, the GP will tell her about hygiene (I suspect? Or not?).

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mummmy2017 · 21/08/2017 19:42

No she won't thank you for it.
I am also a bit worried as you said fish odour, in which case read up on it, as it;s not she isn't washing it's an illness.

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MrJohnsonAteMyCustard · 21/08/2017 19:43

flickertee - what's that about Imperial Leather?? I sometimes use that! Is my fanjo going to smell of fish now?? What's up with that particular soap? Shock

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Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/08/2017 19:44

I think you need to tell her. If it were me. I'd want to know.
Obviously it goes without saying you have to approach it sensitively.
Aside from the fact it could be something medical so not her fault.
You can't just say to someone you stink.
And another obvious. Tell her in private. Don't blurt it out in front of a group of people

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Viserion · 21/08/2017 19:46

Could she have trimethylaminuria?
Maybe she says she doesn't wash as an excuse because she doesn't realise what it is going on?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/trimethylaminuria/Pages/Introduction.aspx

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Gileswithachainsaw · 21/08/2017 19:48

If she's a friend just tell her.

Sometimes being a friend means doing these things. You can't have all the good parts of friendships the nights out and the phone calls or road trips or sports sessions or whatever without havjng to dry her tears or tell her the truth about something.

Like you can't have the companionship and joy of a pet dog without having to pick up it's shit.

It's far worse long term to leave her open to ridicule or unkindness than it is to just tell her

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OfficerVanHalen · 21/08/2017 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flickertee · 21/08/2017 19:59

MrJohnstone I just used imperial leather as an example of a strong scented shower gel that shouldn't go anywhere near your fanjo... !
Same applies to Dove/Palmolive/Pears/anything really??

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OhTheRoses · 21/08/2017 20:04

How about you say something like "I noticed when I helped you with your dress and looked up the symptoms. I don't want to upset you but you are my friend and I want to support you. Have you ever sought or had any medical advice? Shall we sort this out together before anybody else notices?

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Fluffypinkpyjamas · 21/08/2017 20:06

She's never been much of a bather will happily go days with out washing and yes openly admits this

Grim. I would be happy to tell her, you stink and you know why. It is foul and she needs to be told. Why would she happy to smell?

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ilovesooty · 21/08/2017 20:10

You went outside to vomit? Did your friend not ask you if you were OK?

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Pantryboy · 21/08/2017 20:17

You have to be very light hearted and say to her what is that awful fin smell and sniff your armpits and say nah it isnt me , it must be you missy get in the fin shower now and wash yer fandango you reek! Do it in a very funny way .She won't take offence if you do it right. Have done this before and it worked honestly , Good luck OP

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GetOutOfMYGarden · 21/08/2017 20:20

If she's a friend you need to take her aside and tell her in privately. Same way you'd let her know if she'd got her skirt caught in her knickers at the back or if she'd had a nip slip.

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WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 21/08/2017 20:38

I just threw up in my mouth a bit. Sad

In all seriousness, there is no excuse for not bathing. Plenty of people have medical issues and manage it. You need to speak to her. Body odour will create so many barriers to her - relationships, jobs, friends, exercise partners, good customer service... The list goes on. She may initially be upset with you, but it will do her good in the long run.

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stormytherabbit · 21/08/2017 20:40

'You stink, sort it out because no one wants to be around that.'

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