To not force my ds to go on PGL?

[Generallyok]

Ds is 10 and has the chance to go on PGL with the school. He has made up his mind that he doesn't want to go as he does get very homesick.it is for 4 days and is 3 hours away so not really a trip down the road and this is further fuelling his anxiety. He is a very happy boy and is confident in lots of different ways but he hates the thought of being away for home. He has tried sleepovers with friends but I usually get a phone call to pick him up. I feel that if we don't force the issue he will spread his wings in his own time but one of my friends thinks that I should make him go. She thinks I have let him down by not making more confident about sleepovers ( her kids will go anywhere!) I know that he would probably love the activities but I think making him go through terrible anxiety will ruin the trip for him. The alternative is stay at school and do lessons with another class and even that thought hasn't changed his mind! AIBU?

[ToadsforJustice]

YANBU. Your DS will probably enjoy sleepovers and PGL when he's older. Three of my DC used to love going off and doing activities. My youngest DS hated to leave me and the comfort of his own bed.

[PipnJo]

My DS is the same and we've said he won't be going. He is in Cubs and hasn't managed their sleepovers and they've been very local...and indoors. Even with sleeping over at close family he gets upset but can just about manage.
I remember being exactly the same at his age and would feel terribly homesick even on sleepovers a few houses down from mine. So as much as i'd love for him to go and do it, i totally get where he is coming from and how he's feeling.
You've not let your DS down at all.

[geekone]

Do they need parent helpers? That might be a good compromise and help ease him in to Overnight breaks.

[Manclife]

YANBU it's wherever suits your family, though it does sound like you've another issue with DS not being able to spend even 1 night away from home.

[OriginalRhubarbGin]

Forcing him to go this time is a silly plan. Planning ahead for next time and sensibly but persistently building his confidence and resilience is the way forward. You may well have to particularly help and encourage him and I think it would be a good idea to do so. There are many more great opportunities awaiting at secondary school and it would be a shame not to help him get to the point where he can benefit from them.

[early30smum]

Oh that is tough. I would probably say YANBU for not making him go if he's going to be miserable. But then he is missing out on a great opportunity and I do think most NT 10 year olds should be ok with having 1 night away from home... but maybe I'm wrong on that? I think going from no nights away to 4 is too much. YANBU.

[Lovemusic33]

Dd had the chance to go at the age of 10 and then 11 (year 5 and year 6), she didn't want to go in year 5 so I didn't force her, there were others that didn't go. She went in year 6 and loved it.

[LorLorr2]

I understand why it would be encouraged that you should give him a push, but your friend has no right to be telling you what to do and that you're letting your son down etc as she hasn't walked a mile in your shoes. Aaanyway, it's totally up to you & your instinct! I had a friend myself who would always get picked up from sleepovers too and she was the only one in the class who was nervous about going on the residential. When we were there she had a few tears during the first evening but that was it. If you feel your son would really not manage, then wait for him to mature before sending him on overnight trips. It's not anyone's place to judge :)

[PoppyH56]

I used to be terrible as a kid up until the age of around 14 and couldn't bear to be apart from my parents and/or home overnight. Absolutely nothing wrong with me, it's just the way I was and was very much a home bird who enjoyed comforts of their own home overnight. Then one day it just snapped out of me! I think 3 hours away for 4 days is a very long time for a young person. I live with my OH and would probably get seperation anxiety from my mum if she was away for that amount of time now. (FYI I'm 23 and my mum is one of my best friends and we see each other every other day pretty much so can see why it would be hard for a 10 year old).

[Blossomdeary]

Ignore this silly woman and do what is right for your son. I have a GS who is the same - no big deal - he will get there in his own time.

[priscillap]

Some children just like to be at home. My son is exactly the same. He would not go on sleep overs or on school trips that involved overnight or weekends away. Why force them? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Your son has made up his own mind - he has decided not to follow the other sheep. Allow him to be different and allow him the responsibility of making his own decisions and living with the results. Ultimately they begin to know what is best for themselves quicker than forcing decisions upon them.