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Children and basic manners! AIBU to want to feel appreciated?

(23 Posts)
wordsareeverything Sun 20-Aug-17 19:54:48

Hi all
Just posting here as I feel a bit hmm.
I have kids. I've always bought them up to say please and thanks. Basic manners, right? The youngest is 4.
Often says both without prompting. No big deal.
Had my niece & nephew for a couple nights last week. Don't see them much. 8 and 10 years old. Took them out for pizza/cinema/bought snacks/cooked.... Not a single spontaneous thank you! Or please. A few times I said 'a thanks would be nice!' & they did. My sister (their mum) didn't even ask them to say thanks when she picked them up.
Probs spent quite a lot of my (non-existent) money on them too. They are pretty well off & get very expensive days out/meals out etx.
Is this non-appreciative behaviour normal? AIBU?
Just seems so weird as we were brought up to be really polite.....

Pengggwn Sun 20-Aug-17 20:06:37

It's very rude behaviour. It isn't their fault, they clearly haven't been taught.

early30smum Sun 20-Aug-17 20:15:08

YANBU. Manners cost nothing and although my two kids are by no means perfect, they are polite to others.

wordsareeverything Sun 20-Aug-17 20:16:58

Yeah, it's so weird. They are lovely kids .....
Their mum and dad are constantly raving about how perfect they are on Facebook but if they haven't been taught to be consistent with basic manners, that's a bit shit?
They are well off and get things that a lot of kids cd only dream of at the drop of a hat... Does this mean that maybe they don't appreciate anything coz they get so much?

Pengggwn Sun 20-Aug-17 20:26:43

Perhaps. But I would expect my child to say thank you for any kindness or favour from a relative, whether they appreciate it or not.

turquoise88 Sun 20-Aug-17 20:41:01

Their mum and dad are constantly raving about how perfect they are on Facebook

Always the ones to watch!

It's not the children's fault, really. They haven't been brought up to use it as a natural part of everyday conversation. I constantly bang on to my DD (2) about the fact that she doesn't get anything if she doesn't use good manners.

Charliegirl1974 Sun 20-Aug-17 20:45:22

I'm the horrible auntie that when I hand something to a child, I don't let go of it til I get a thank you! Thankfully my siblings are exactly the same (we got the habit from our mum.)

splendide Sun 20-Aug-17 20:52:27

I'm the horrible auntie that when I hand something to a child, I don't let go of it til I get a thank you!

Maybe I need a manners lesson but don't you say thank you after you've been given something rather than before?

wordsareeverything Sun 20-Aug-17 21:18:18

CharlieGirl I'm like that with my kids, but was a bit more lenient with the others bloody wish I hadn't been
Worth mentioning their total lack of manners to my sister?
Or would that create a defensive shit storm? Hmmmmmmmm

Dina1234 Sun 20-Aug-17 21:31:07

That is rude for children of that age.

Moanyoldcow Sun 20-Aug-17 21:37:40

I actually detest all the 'please and thank you' demands and baiting. I don't notice if a child says thank you to be honest.

I model the right way to my son who is 4 and he's doing lots of spontaneous ones. It irks me when someone demands a thankyou before he's even had a chance to process he's been given something.

I find it far more annoying when mothers snap 'SAY THANKYOU' before the child has had a chance to.

RebelRogue Sun 20-Aug-17 21:44:33

I do expect dd to say please and thank you,but I don't really notice it of other kids do. I don't expect or demand it from them either. All I might ask them and I care about is if they had a nice time.

If you do talk to your sister please drop the you're so well off and I'm not act. That is definitely bound to cause a shitstorm.

junebirthdaygirl Sun 20-Aug-17 21:45:50

Do not say anything to your sister. That would just be stirring up trouble. Were the children happy and enjoying their day out? Agree its up to us to model good behaviour by saying thanks to them when occasion arises but there is no point in letting it ruin a good day with nieces and nephews.

Clawdy Sun 20-Aug-17 22:07:12

I would certainly not say anything to my sister, but would probably have said quietly to the kids " Don't you ever say Please and Thank you? Lots of people will think you're rude, you know."

Escapepeas Sun 20-Aug-17 22:11:19

I refuse to buy Christmas or birthday presents now for one set of nieces and nephews as they never, ever said thank you. I did raise it with their parents, just by saying it would be nice to be thanked and was met with an indifferent shrug and 'well, we do tell them to'.

Charliegirl1974 Sun 20-Aug-17 22:25:23

Maybe I need a manners lesson but don't you say thank you after you've been given something rather than before?

Not before, as the biccie/sweet/whatever is handed over.

I don't think I'd say anything to my sister if I were OP though as there's no way I can think of to broach it without creating bad feeling.

wordsareeverything Mon 21-Aug-17 17:21:02

I went against what a lot of you advised and mentioned to their mum.
The mum (who is my sister) said 'oh yes, we've been experiencing the same! Not sure how to approach it?
Held back on saying well maybe stop buying designer clothes and expensive theatre trips until they can show a bit of respect and gratitude!

5rivers7hills Mon 21-Aug-17 17:23:57

My brothers kids were like this.

Totally nice but a bit shit at saying please and thank you.

It is just training, you have to be trained into saying it. What do you say love? "thank you aunty 5rivers" good boy.

DotForShort Mon 21-Aug-17 17:50:17

She's not sure how to approach it? Er, maybe remind them that it's polite to say please and thank you? Hardly a tricky issue or one that calls for much agonized contemplation, is it?

RebelRogue Mon 21-Aug-17 18:11:15

*Held back on saying well maybe stop buying designer clothes and expensive theatre trips until they can show a bit of respect and gratitude!*

This is not really about manners is it? Is about how much they have and get.

wordsareeverything Mon 21-Aug-17 18:35:22

RebelRogue I think the two are linked & that the amount they get and have is impacting their manners.
I think they are being brought up to be really materialistic and because they get so much (regardless of whether they say please/thanks) they'll carry on not being polite coz they know they'll get it anyway.

Mwnci123 Mon 21-Aug-17 20:58:28

We were very spoilt as children but we said please and thank you. I think you are wrongly conflating the two issues, op.

themauvehen Tue 22-Aug-17 20:54:35

I was always brought up to say please and thank you and I've brought my own son up the same way.

I was brought up by my grandmother though and after I started to notice other kids not saying it or even being prompted, I thought I was just old fashioned. Glad it's not just me that thinks like this.

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