Neighbours walking through my garden

[spinningred]

Hello.

I am just looking for some perspective please.

We moved to a new housing scheme which has a small number of houses.

The majority of neighbours were here first and spend a lot of time together, socialising etc which involves their children.

Our garden was/is being used as a walkway by the children, this is right in front of our living room window.

I asked one neighbour if she could ask the children not to walk through the garden, this did not go well, she went on to insult me due to my child not playing out on the road with the other children, my child is young and I don't feel it's safe nor appropriate for them to play on a road.

Anyway after this I was what appeared to be shunned by the majority of the neighbours which is okay by me, following this I received a newspaper article through my door about children playing in the street, it's an initiative started in some areas.

A few days after this the neighbour I spoke to originally approached me stating her partner had posted the article, I said it seemed passive aggressive which she said it wasn't, anyway the conversation got quite heated and I was told that I keep my child locked in a garden and don't let him play, my garden gate is locked when said child is in the garden, I also was told I shouldn't be bothered about children walking in my garden, or up my drive and that I was being anal about it, oh and told to put up a fence!

So am I being ridiculous about this?
There is more to the story but feel is long enough already, and others I've spoken to agree that young children should not play on a road and that people should not walk i through other people gardens!

Please give me some feedback, as it stands I continue to be shunned by the neighbours which is fine but am I being precious about a garden?

[Dina1234]

Letting children play in the street is common and walking on others' property without permission is tresspass. You neighbour is piyt of line. Put her in her place, or better still just keep your garden secure and ignore her!

[notsmartenough]

I'd hate this. My front drive is open (I am going to get gates for it one day!) and my neighbours' children think it's a free for all.
I've even had some roller-skating on it. Oh and it's handy for my entry to play hide and seek in.
Next door have used it for a short cut (because it obviously takes them two seconds more to walk down their path when they could cut diagonally across my drive.
It's a shame to fall out with neighbours but they are in the wrong here and not you.

[spinningred]

My drive is also open and has been used for playing/hiding etc.
I almost wish I'd never said anything to the neighbour as the children still walk through our garden and use the drive to hide and now I've got the majority of other neighbours obviously thinking I'm a moan.

It's not doing any harm them walking through but I find it rude and disrespectful.
However all the children are in and out of each other's gardens all the time when playing so they probably don't see why they can't go through mine too.

We live in a small town where everyone knows everyone so it makes it rather awkward!

We need to stay here up to five years to save for our next house plus we'd lose a lot of money selling at present so it seems I'm stuck for now

[theEagleIsLost]

I'd look at planting options - or small fences big tubs - something that discourages walking right past your window. Though if they are being arsy now they could make a point of ignoring.

Problem is they are used to doing this - so see it as their right, had this with neigbours logic doens't seem to matter.

[sonjadog]

Your home, your child. Your NDN have absolutely no say in how you run either. Ignore them. Put up a fence if you want to.

[JigglyTuff]

Plant some pyracantha. This article has a good list of plants that deter burglars - and/or children: www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9108641/The-30-plants-that-can-help-protect-your-home-against-burglary.html

[emmyrose2000]

The kids absolutely should not be trespassing onto your property. Your neighbours sound awful. I'd go absolutely batshit if this happened to me. The parents need to wake up to themselves and teach their children right from wrong, although given their own behaviour, I doubt they know how to behave properly themselves.

I hope you win the lottery or something so that you can move away from these horrible people sooner than the five years!

[Jakadaal]

children playing in the street is common really? Or have I misread this?

Surely the reason people chose to live on family friendly housing estates (as the OP describes) is so that children can play out and socialise with other children and giving them age appropriate independence.

OP you are perfectly entitled to set your child's play boundaries and I'm sorry you are are at odds with your neighbours. I live on a family friendly (possibly now common) housing estate where children play out but all of them know not to run on people's drives or gardens unless they are playing with the child of the house. Using drives and gardens are a public playground without the permission of the house owner is rude behaviour

[bluebannana]

We had this problem when we lived next to a school, the whole neighbourhood seemed to think it was acceptable to walk through our garden so they could lift their child over our garden wall and deposit them in the school playground and the same at hometime. (All other sides of the playground had high metal fences) . When we approached individual parents we were told we were unreasonable. We met with the headteacher numerous times who reportedly sent letters to the parents asking them not to do this, to no avail. The school refused to fence it and our landlord refused to fence it or allow us to fence it. We ended up putting a temporary fence up and upsetting the neighbours who were all very off with us until we moved a few years later.

It's obviously completely your decision about your child playing out or not. I never did and find the concept strange and dangerous (especially when our neighbourhood children dive infront or behid of my moving car with no apparent road sense) DH played out as a child (in the street, on building sites, in empty buildings) and whilst surviving this was groomed and abused by a paedophile ring in the neighbourhood, none of which serve to convince my that our DC playing out is safe.

[LavenderDoll]

We had this - our drive was used as a football pitch and the kids ran wild unsupervised from 8am until gone 10 at night ...... we moved ... and lost a lot of money.

[Kittychatcat]

Can you put some fences up? Or gates across your driveway?

[Viviennemary]

No it's not acceptable for children to enter other people's gardens. Or use their paths as a walkway. But you shouldn't really be telling people off for letting their children play in the street as long as they're not creating a huge noise and nuisance.

[Milliways]

Where we live the front drives are more than 100' long, so for a child it is a long way to go up, along pavement of busy road and back down when our children played with those 2 houses away. They did this though, until lovely next door neighbours told them not to be so silly and to cut across. We all cut across each other to visit, it's only seconds, but no child plays on the front of a house where their children are not involved.
When we lived in a cul de sac all the children played outside as it was safe, but one old couple got very upset if any of the children or a ball strayed onto their lawn. We thought it odd that a retired couple chose to buy a 5 bed detached house in the middle of an obviously family friendly estate and get cross about children playing outside. (Although same couple for cross with us if we left the dustbin outside and they had guests due!) the children all did try and keep off their lawn though.

[spinningred]

It's reassuring to hear that I'm not being unreasonable although I still feel upset by the whole thing.

Thank you for the link about garden plants, my husband has decided to plant something that will grow quickly and hopefully this will deter people from walking through our garden.

I am more upset about being told I keep my child locked up, said child is 4! I played out as a child but I lived on a farm so it was safe.


The children that play on the street range from 4 and up, it is a quiet road at times but a lot of tourist come up it looking for a shop and they don't always drive slowly.

A friend did suggest speaking to the neighbours landlord, I think a few rent and a few are doing some scheme to buy their houses in a few years, I don't want to escalate things further but at the same time I should be able to enjoy my house too.

[spinningred]

I have never told anyone not to play outside, I've asked that they stay out of my garden and off my driveway.

[Littlelouse]

Her expecting your 4 year old to play out in the street unaccompanied and judging you for not allowing him/her to do so is absurd.

Plant something prickly!